Bill ended a years-long relationship with his partner several months ago. After a couple of months of online dating, he finally met up with his new “relationship” in person. They had lots in common, began to see each other regularly, and ultimately ended up in bed. What Bill learned is that the sex was not all that good for him. What happened?
Finding compatibility in the bedroom can be a challenge for gay men in a new relationship. If you are in one, it is unique and different from all of those that have gone before. Accept this and know that finding compatibility between those sheets may be challenging. Both of you have had prior sexual experiences and these must be seen as unique to those relationships. Compatibility in this new one may take some work. Here are some tips that should help both of you experience the pleasure you seek.
You need time to explore one another’s bodies and get to know what will give arousal and pleasure to each other. This is the first step. Don’t focus on getting an orgasm at this point. It’s an exploration. If either or both of you actually reach orgasm (it can happen if it’s been a long dry spell), that’s great. But don’t delude yourself into thinking that this initial orgasm means full sexual compatibility. It’s lust, not compatibility.
Each time you get into bed, you can try new techniques and methods. This is so much a part of the fun of a new relationship – experimentation. During these experiments, it’s important to talk to each other, honestly and openly. Faking pleasure because you think it will make your partner happy is a big “no-no.” Just don’t do it. Remember your partner is as committed to pleasuring you as you are to him. If both of you are not honest and genuine, the sex will never be great.
If you are both going to find the right solutions to your bedroom compatibility issues, then you do need to talk about your previous relationships, and both your emotional and physical involvements. A lot of what happens physically can be a result of what is “between the ears” not between the legs. Both of you need to talk about your emotional connections with your former partners, as well as the physical activities that worked and did not work. Were there some relationship issues that carried over to the bedroom? Have you been a bit traumatized because your previous partner cheated on you? Was the breakup a difficult one? Were there compatibility issues in the bedroom? All of these things can affect a new relationship. The more you willingly discuss your previous experiences, the more you can talk about how to avoid those same issues in this one.
Couples who can talk about their sexual needs and wants outside the bedroom have a higher chance of getting to satisfaction in the bedroom. Not that these conversations have to occur publicly of course. But there should be comfort over coffee or lunch at a café or while walking or hiking – any time and place where the two of you are alone and engaged in any other activities. It means that talking about your mutual needs is natural and normal. This can ultimately create a far more relaxed environment in the bedroom.
Both of you have those previous sexual experiences and behaviors with previous partners. One way to get beyond all of those and make your relationship unique and special would be to try new things. Do some research on different positions, methods, and techniques that neither of you has done before. There are lots of books and articles to help. Check out the blog at Taimi.com for some related articles.
Watching gay porn together can also be a powerful stimulant as well as provide new techniques to try. Get naked, lie together, relax, and fire up those films. Chances are, you’ll fire up your sex life too.
If you own a great car and it develops a mechanical problem, you don’t just dump the car. You find out what is wrong, the cost of repair, and then have the work done. You then have your same great car. Take this to heart for your new relationship too. If you have great compatibility in all other parts of your lives together, why would you dump each other because of problems in the bedroom?
If you continue to struggle with sexual satisfaction, and everything else is amazing, this is not the time for a breakup. There are expert sex therapists all over the place, even online. If there are some underlying issues that even you or your partner do not realize you have, that therapist will get to them. Suppose, for example, that you have been used to far greater displays of affection from your former partner, not just in the bedroom. And suppose your current partner has a complicated and stressful career which impacts the time and ability to show lots of affection during the non-bedroom time. Both of you may not even realize that this issue is a bit buried but real.
A Great Relationship is Worth Effort and Some Work
It’s not every day that two people find each other and, over the course of their getting to know one another, realize that they are just an amazing “fit.” They have the same values and beliefs; they have great fun together; they enjoy each other’s friends; with each passing day, their affection grows. They are ready to make a commitment. Ending that relationship because of some problems in the bedroom is no reason to end the relationship when there are probably solutions – honest communication, willingness to be flexible, experimentation, and, yes, even some therapy.
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