Taimi
If you've been an adult in any sort of intimate relationship, it doesn't take long to realize that you have been lied to. You know those scenes in movies and tv shows where the characters are hot and full of sexual desire at a moment's notice? Absolute BS. Sure, maybe it happens from time to time, but in truth sexual desire is much more complicated than that.
Here, we'll explore why you might struggle to get in the mood, and provide some suggestions to improve your romantic life.
So, your love life doesn't match the racy sex scenes depicted in smutty novels and on the screen. Don't let that make you feel inadequate. You aren't alone. It isn't easy to get into a sexy mood. Many couples struggle with this. Many women and men struggle to get in the mood for sex. Here are just a few reasons why:
Unresolved arguments
Physical exhaustion
Unmet sexual needs
Stressful day
Scheduling issues
Lack of fun
Body image issues
Trauma
Religious or cultural issues
Sexual pressure or lack of control
Low libido or hormone issues
Exhaustion
If you believe that you are struggling to feel sexy because of a medical issue or your partner is, please don't hesitate to get professional help. Yes, mental health is a medical issue. Speak to a doctor or therapist who can help you resolve issues that are getting in the way of your pleasure.
Otherwise, we have some excellent suggestions to help you and your partner get new pleasure from one another, and enjoy sex.
So, feeling sexy isn't your default setting. Relax, we've all been there. Sometimes, it takes time. You may need a bit of extra work before you are in the mood. You may even need to resolve some of your roadblocks to feeling sexy.
Let's start with some awesome tips to help you prime yourself for some sexy fun.
So many of the issues that impact being in the mood for sex can be resolved simply by engaging in some self-care. You won't feel sexy or be able to meet the needs of your partner if your own energy reserves are tapped out. Think of the following as a self-care checklist for better sex.
Get enough sleep
Ensure that household chores are divided equally
Try to engage in some physical activity every week
Eat healthy meals
Cut back on drinking and drug use
Finally, consider pampering yourself a bit. Get that massage, spend some money on yoga classes, or get your hair done. When you do these things for yourself, you will be much more likely to feel sexy and in the mood for sex.
When you don't plan to nurture your sexual relationship, it can quickly dwindle away. Other things will take priority, or you'll simply not have the energy for it. If sex is something that only happens when you have time at the end of the day, you will have sex less frequently.
It may seem counterintuitive, but one way to ensure that you have regular, enjoyable sex is to schedule it. No, that isn't very spontaneous, but that's okay. When you make time in your schedule to focus on one another, you communicate that the sexual part of your relationship is important to both of you. Also, there will still be opportunities for you to engage in the occasional, spontaneous bedroom romp.
Unfortunately, with age and stress people often lose touch with the things that spark their sexual desire. Additionally, sexual tastes can change. Things that got you in the mood for sex in your twenties may not do the trick in your forties.
Be honest with yourself and your partner about what is hot for you. Then, ask them to do the same. Here are some tips for having this conversation in a positive way:
Use "I" statements - e.g.: I'd love it if you were more physically affectionate during the day.
Avoid "You" statements - e.g.: You never compliment me any more.
Limit the conversations to things that will lead to better sex.
Don't be afraid to be very honest and frank. Do you want to try a new sex toy? Say so!
This is a great opportunity to incorporate some romantic gestures into your routine. Send romantic texts to one another. Take it up a notch and try sexting. Buy small gifts and leave them around for your partner to find.
So many of us are almost programmed to expect sex to happen at the end of the day. The problem is that this kind of rigidity doesn't help you continue to have a great sex life when things get busy and crazy. So many couples have opposing schedules, kids, and other complexities to deal with. Sleeping together at night is a challenge let alone having regular sex.
So, switch things up! Try having sex in the early mornings or meeting over lunch for some great sex while nobody else is home. There's no reason that sex has to happen before you go to bed at night.
You've talked with your partner about the things that bring you pleasure, and that's great. You can also explore your sexuality by trying new things. Engage in roleplaying. Watch porn together. Try out a bit of light BDSM. Try sex in the shower (or the kitchen!). Experiment with some new positions.
If you do this, please relaxand have fun with your partner. Remember that trying new things can be a bit awkward, and that's okay. Keep a sense of humor about it. You may not feel super sexy fumbling your way through a new position you find in the Kama Sutra, but there's nothing sexier than sharing a laugh with your partner.
Romantic gestures or experimenting in the bedroom won't improve your sex life if you don't deal with serious issues in your relationship. If one of you is resentful, feels as if you are carrying the burden, or there is unresolved conflict, your sexuality is going to suffer.
You have to have a foundation of trust, respect, and communication. If you don't, please consider getting professional help. Then, commit to changing behavior that is making your partner feel unlovedor unappreciated. Remember that foreplay starts in the brain.
The better you understand your own body, the easier it is for you to relax and enjoy sexual play with your partner. Additionally, when you engage in masturbation, you take ownership of your own pleasure. This makes it easier for you to communicate your desires to your partners, and increases sexual fulfillment. Don't worry about wearing yourself out. People who engage in self-exploration tend to have a higher libido than those who do not.
So many people, especially women, compare themselves to others. They adopt unrealistic standards for themselves and their lives. Then, they feel inadequate when they don't measure up. Passionate sex scenes are fun to watch, and it would be great to be that passionate and excited all of the time. However, that isn't how most people have sex.
Most people aren't in the mood all of the time. Sometimes sex isn't full of passion, and you may barely get through a single round before you and your partner are ready to go to sleep. Search for ways to increase your passion, but don't hold yourself to unreasonable standards.
Did you know that your non-sexual activity can have a big impact on your sexual fulfillment? People who have great sex tend to enjoy other activities with one another. Find a hobby to share together. Go on walks. Play video or board games together. Go out for a weekly drink together. Find reasons to be excited about interacting with one another. This can reduce stress and improve your ability to relate with one another.
What happens when your sexual desire is at a zero, but you want to get in the mood? First, evaluate your own needs and desires.
Why? Because you don't have to be in the mood for sex. It's okay to wait.
However, being slow starter doesn'tmean you don'twant to have sex. Sometimes, it just takes a bit of time and effort to move your focus from stress, work, housekeeping, or something else to having amazing sex.
These tips provide a perfect way to get in the mood quickly:
Spend a few minutes indulging in a favorite sexual fantasy
Ask your partner for a massage
Read a chapter in an erotic book
Put on some music and enjoy a slow dance
Here's a great tip to create a great environment for sexual activity. Get your bedroom ready for sex! Make your bed. Light some candles. Spray some scented oils. Get out any toys or lubes you enjoy using. By the time you have everything set up, your libido might be in full gear.
Sometimes men and women become so fixated on the idea of having sex that they create needless stress and resentment over it. Stop doing that. Sometimes the best response to not being in the mood is to simply try again another night. If you are tired, grumpy, or just not feeling it, get some sleep.You can try again later. Good partners will always understand that you may need sleep or time to yourself more than you need sex. Don't worry. Your libido will return soon enough. Turn the page, watch some Netflix, and don't beat yourself up.
Loss of libido is often a reflection of your self-esteem. Women may get older and notice their clothes don't fit like they once did, or they simply feel more tired than they used to. So they become frustrated and self-critical. They forget to love their bodies, let alone enjoying sex. This is one of the more common reasons women experience a loss of desire.
Then again, let's not leave men out of this. They also experience aging and other changes. Men may feel insecure about their bodies, or worry that they aren't as capable of providing fulfillment as they once were.
Regardless of gender, this is heartbreaking. Every person deserves to enjoy their bodies at any age or stage. This includes experiencing sexually satisfying relationships.
If you are a woman or guy who feels insecure, talk to your partner. There's a good chance that they enjoy your body and your company.
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