Making Yourself Cum - So Many Options

Last Updated 07.04.2022
14 min read

Men cum in pretty standard ways. They can masturbate with a hand; they can have penetrative sex; they can get a hand or blow job from another.

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But what about you? Do you know how to make yourself cum to reach the best orgasm? Chances are, you don't know all of the options you have. Your sex life is about to explode once you learn all of the techniques that are explained here. And if you are having those old-fashioned notions of guilt, forget it. Female masturbation is common, normal, and totally acceptable. Even celebrities talk about the self-satisfaction they get from masturbation. Here, for example, is what Eva Longoria had to say not too long ago:

"I was working on a movie and knew I'd be there for a month, so I used my per diem to buy a vibrator...It's a shame I didn't discover it sooner...Everybody should..."

That Marvelous Clitoris

You know what and where your clit is. In fact, it is one of the "male counterparts" on the female body - a tiny penis, actually, with a hood. And most women understand that is an amazing way to get self-pleasure, some say even better than a vaginal orgasm. In fact, it may be the most erogenous part of the entire body. There are so many ways to use this amazing little organ for self-pleasure, even giving yourself multiple orgasms, using your own hands, one or two fingers, and even as many as four. Here are some options:

Rubbing Up and Down

If you've never used direct clitoral stimulation, here's your first masturbation assignment. Take one finger and rub it up and down on one side of your clit. This should provide some immediate stimulation, but if you want more, try rubbing directly on top of the clitoris. Some prefer the side, some the top, but you will have to experiment for what feels good. When you do have your first orgasm this way, you will understand why women are onto this self-love.

Slow or Fast Longer Rubbing

Another way of clitoral stimulation is to involve the outside of the vaginal area too. Take a finger or two and rub down from the clit to the outside vaginal area and back again. Start slow and then speed up, if that feels good. Experiment with different speeds until you find yours.

Fingering Side to Side

Take a finger and rub the clit from side to side. There are some variations you should try:

  • vary the speed

  • use some lube

  • vary the pressure - some women gain self-pleasure by going very lightly over the clitoris; others like it stronger

  • Use multiple rather than a single finger

Circling the Wagon with Four Fingers

This is one of the easiest ways to reach orgasm. Women use four fingers and go in circular motions to stimulate both the clitoris and the vaginal area. Going up and down is another variation, as well as the amount of pressure applied.

Over or Under the Hood

Because the clitoris is so sensitive, some women find it almost painful to rub directly. That is what the clitoral hood is for - that flap of skin that covers it. If it's painful, stimulate your clitoris with the hood over it.

Other women find direct clitoral stimulation really pleasurable. To do this, use two fingers of one hand, pull back that hood, and use one or more fingers of the other hand to rub. You can also use a toy such as a small vibrator (some even come heated). There are lots of sex toys for the purpose of clitoral arousal on the market - check them out!

The Shower? Yes, The Shower

You don't have to be in bed. Here is one you should try - lots of women claim that it gives the best female orgasm ever. It goes like this:

If you have a standard shower head that is not detachable, turn on the shower and position the head and your body, so water runs directly on your clitoris. Experiment with different positions, strengths, and temperatures. Pull your labia apart and let the water run directly on your clitoris.

If you have a detachable showerhead, all the better. Take that puppy and do the same kinds of experimentation, with much more control over its positioning. And if that showerhead has a pulsating feature, try it.

And here's the other big plus. Everything is nicely washed down the drain. You are satisfied and then maybe it's time for a nice bubble bath. Actually, a bubble bath can also be a great place to practice direct clitoral arousal too. It's warm and cozy, makes you feel relaxed, and keeps your whole body comfortable.

Your Clitoris Might Love a Squeeze

People who are not familiar with the entire female anatomy may not know that the clitoris goes deeper into the vaginal area. Normal heterosexual sex also stimulates the clitoris from the inside, and you can do the same - more on that in a bit.

Knowing that your clitoris goes further in, you might want to try squeezing it between your thumb and forefinger, hood on or off. This will produce an amazing feeling and maybe even a female ejaculation that you have not had before. After all, stronger orgasms are a great goal, no?

You can also pretend that it is a small penis and squeeze it while moving up and down. Just have fun, explore all of the possibilities, and see what gives you the most satisfaction, fun, and the best orgasm. It's all about you!

Now, Let's Talk Toys

Many women talk about the orgasm gap during partnered sex with a man. if you haven't heard of this term, it means that men are able to have more orgasms than women in hetero-sex activities. And the more important stat here is that of women surveyed only 6% stated they had an orgasm when with a man. The same study showed that lesbian and bisexual women reported they orgasmed more with their female partners or when they use sex toys.

Sex toys come in all shapes and sizes. For clitoral arousal and orgasm, the smaller ones are best. They can be used directly on the clit, up and down from clit to vaginal area, and any of the other fingering techniques. Larger ones are used for vaginal penetration, or even anal sex if that is something that gives pleasure. With smaller toys, you can apply a variety of different pressures and speeds too. A top tip here? Most toys come with instructions and suggestions. Read through them and experiment. And use them on nipples and other erogenous body spots to give some pre-masturbation arousal.

Variation on a Toy - Beads

If you have an inexpensive beaded necklace, you can teach yourself how to orgasm with it. Here is the best suggestion for use:

  • Get on your knees or stand up

  • Take one end in one hand in front of your body

  • Run the necklace between your legs and take the other end with your other hand.

  • Slowly pull the necklace back and forth, making sure that it glides over your clitoris, your vaginal area, and even your anus.

  • Using lube will help those beads glide smoothly

Try it - you may find your new best technique to orgasm.

And Lastly - Your Pillow

Lots of women say that they can orgasm well with a pillow. This is somewhat like the bead technique, but you use a pillow between your legs. Instead of pulling the pillow back and forth, you can start grinding up and down on that pillow. Using the side of the pillow works best, and you will get more coverage than with beads or a small vibrator. Some women prefer that wider coverage. There are several variations of this technique too, so try them all out. In bed and on your knees works best.

Onto Vaginal Penetration

Lots of women struggle to have an orgasm with normal vaginal sex with a male partner. There can be many reasons for this, but it is certainly disappointing. Here is the partner having an orgasm every time they have sex, and the woman is left dissatisfied and not feeling very sexy. And in some instances, she is even faking them for the sake of that partner. If this is you, just how long are you going to keep up this charade? If you can't talk about it freely with your partner, then you may need to seek help from a sex therapist. Or you can try lots of vaginal masturbation techniques on your own. And the possible side benefits? You may well learn some techniques that you can share with your partner to actually have an orgasm with him. Maybe this partnered sex can include your mate using some oral sex techniques that your fingers were doing.

That G-Spot

It may be hard to find this spot at first. But it is up in your vagina, about two inches or so, on the top. It is softer than the rest of that area but does have some ridges. Don't feel bad if you can't find it right away - just keep trying. Use some of your clitoral techniques to get aroused. When you are aroused, this spot becomes enlarged and you will be able to find it easier. You can use your fingers to massage your spot. If that doesn't get you off, then get a dildo. When you do use a dildo, you don't want to insert it all the way in. The spot is only 2-3 inches in, so the tip of the toy should only go in that far. And try to insert it at an upward angle, which is the right direction so that it is sure to be rubbing against that spot. You can reach orgasm just by rubbing and rotating about your g spot with the right dildo.

Toy Variations - So Many Options

Vaginas come in all sizes. Young women who have had little to no sex will have a tight one. Older women who have had kids and plenty of sex will have a larger one or at least one that enlarges easily. This is one of the reasons why vaginal toys come in all sizes too. Another reason is that plenty of women like anal sex, and toys for that opening will be smaller. Visiting a sex toy store will be a good idea so you can see the full array and can even get advice and suggestions from an experienced clerk. If you must shop online, go to a reputable, high-end company because it will provide lots of information about each type of toy. Here are some typical types of dildos.

  • Smooth with or without a penis-shaped head

  • Ridges for those who want a rougher feel

  • Dildos with different sized heads to arouse various spots and glands

  • Double-decker dildos - a larger one for vaginas and a smaller attached one for the anus.

  • Dildos that vibrate

  • Dildos that heat up, with or without vibration.

You may need to buy a few different types of dildos and experiment with what gives you the most pleasure.

Obstacles to a Vaginal Orgasm

Many have said that great sex is as much between the ears as it is the bodily organs themselves. And this is often true. Here are some between the ears challenges

  • For women who are stressed about jobs, family, and relationships, it is unlikely that they will not be relaxed enough mentally to have successful vaginal orgasms.

  • Women who have had bad vaginal sexual experiences in the past may struggle to have one, even if they are doing this solo

  • Women who have been made to feel guilty about masturbation can struggle

Getting over these obstacles may sometimes require some professional help. Don't hesitate to get it, for God's sake - you deserve great sex and orgasms.

Experimentation is the Key

Just as it is with a clitoral orgasm, you have to learn how to orgasm vaginally through experimentation. Size and types of dildos are not the only types of experiments.

  • What position gives you the most pleasure?

  • Do you prefer fast or slow penetration and rubbing?

  • How far should your fingers or toys go in?

  • Is rough or gentle better?

  • Which type of lube feels best?

Conclusion - Some General Advice

Here are some general tips for having orgasms of all kinds:

You Must be Relaxed

Putting pressure on yourself or being stressed about other things will never work. If you feel stressed, what can you do to relax? For some, it means a nice warm bath; for others, it might be some Yoga or other meditative technique; some may require a glass of wine or two.

You know how you best relax. use those methods before you even think about masturbating

Don't Focus on the Orgasm

If you have trouble reaching orgasm, focus instead on just the pleasure of it all. That may mean caressing your entire body from head to toe. It may mean exploring all of the erogenous parts - nipples, clitoris, labia, vaginal area, anus - with your fingers or a vibrator. Just relax and feel good about it all. Be mindful of how your body responds to all of the touching. If you feel stressed about getting an orgasm, then the same problem will keep coming up.

Practice Makes Perfect

So, no musician plays a piece perfectly without lots of practice. No gymnast does a flip without practice. No student writes a perfect essay without practice. Are you getting the idea? If you don't find pleasure and reach orgasm on the first or even the tenth time, it does not mean you won't. An Orgasm takes practice too.

Experiment - A Lot

This goes along with practice. Unless you are willing to try new and different methods and objects, you won't find out what pleases you most. And if you don't find out what pleases you the most, then you won't have the best orgasms ever.

Consider Lube Seriously

Whether you want it rough, gentle, fast or slow, warm or cold, there is a lube for you. Try several different types until you find the best one for you. And you may even find that one type is best for your clit, another for your vagina, and still another for the anus.

Start Slowly

Begin your masturbation sessions slowly and build as you go. This allows you to stay relaxed until you are ready for more aggressive specific techniques. Sexual feelings and different techniques will also vary with your mood, so stay mindful of that as well. A slow build is always a good idea, and you will feel comfortable moving forward when you are ready.

Use Fantasy

Most women do fantasize about sex, perhaps with a celebrity, perhaps with a strange person who has taken control of them, etc. Erotic fantasies can make you feel hot and bring you to orgasm both faster and stronger. Remember this: there is no wrong fantasy. Even some sadomasochistic thoughts can make you feel quite sexy as you masturbate. never have anxiety or a bad feeling about any fantasy you conjure up. It's not real life, but if it brings you to orgasm, it's right.

Now that you have at least a month's worth of "tricks" to achieve orgasm, what's stopping you? Amazing self-pleasure awaits you!

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