Butt stuff. Some people absolutely love it; some people have tried it and don't like it; still others have never tried it at all. No matter where you are on this spectrum, anal play and sex can be a pleasurable and erotic experience for gay men, and lesbian couples.
But that pleasure and eroticism only come if care is taken before, during, and after the activity. Two parts of this three-step process involve personal lubricant to provide comfortable butt sex, no matter what type is involved. How much lube, you might ask? According to Dr. Zhana Vrangalova, professor of human sexuality at NYU, "When it comes time to whip out the lube for anal sex, use as much as the receiving partner needs to feel comfortable...I generally subscribe to the 'too much lube is almost enough' view when it comes to anal sex."
But more on that shortly. First, let's talk about the three general phases of anal sex.
Most of the process for anal play must begin with the preparations for the actual event.
The first step is to decide which type of anal sex you and your partner want to have. There are options:
Penis-in-Anus: No need for further explanation here
Sex Toys: There are lots of options - dildos, plugs, small bullet-type devices, beads, etc., along with vibration if desired.
Fingers: A good option for first-timers or to help relax and open the anus for toys or a penis
Oral: This may seem repulsive to some, but there is a lot that can be both erotic and pleasurable about anilingus. And if a partner has normal bowel movements, there is no poop in the rectum. It is up in the lower intestine. To be on the safe side, some take an enema beforehand anyway.
Get lots of lube. Research the type(s) that will be best for you (more on this later). The important thing to know is that, unlike the vagina, the anus does not supply natural lubrication. Anal sex without lube is painful and potentially dangerous.
Have a supply of condoms, especially if there will be various types of anal penetration or if vaginal sex might also be on the agenda.
During anal sex, several things need to happen:
The partner who is the receiver of the anal penetration must keep the giver informed at all times of what they are feeling, especially if it becomes painful. There is no pleasure in sex that is painful or even uncomfortable. The penetrating partner must listen and respond quickly.
Especially for beginners, penetrative anal sex should start small, especially when toys are in use. And, in fact, if these toys are gradually enlarged, they can help to prepare the anus for penile penetration.
The other key ingredient in success is the receiver's ability to relax. The anus is basically a muscle and relaxing that muscle will allow comfortable penetration.
Anything inserted into the anus must be cleaned off thoroughly, so toys should be made of easily washable materials - silicone, plastic, metal, or glass. The safest procedure for penile penetration should be the use of condoms. But if they are not used, then the penis must be fully cleaned afterward or before entering a vagina. Men's health is at stake here.
What about poop? Yes, there may be some leakage. This should be planned for in advance with a washable pad. And again, everything should be thoroughly cleaned afterward.
There are several positions that are quite common. Partners must find one or more that work best for them. These might include the receiver on top, doggie style, or even a spooning position. Finding the most comfortable position is important to satisfaction.
There's not a lot of new information here. Once anal sex is finished, cleanup is an absolute must.
There shouldn't be a concern for semen if it has been expelled into the anus. Semen is a fluid that will be easily expelled. A shower is probably in order too, especially if faecal matter has leaked.
Check for any signs of injury. While a small amount of blood is common, larger amounts are not.
If pain persists, or if there are any sores or unusual discharge, it's time to see a doctor.
Now that the basics have been outlined, it's time to talk about lubes, a product that any anal play or butt sex requires.
Condom breakage does happen. If a condom has broken during anal sex, then monitoring any after-effects should occur, to ensure that there has been no transfer of STI bacteria or virus.
There is such a variety of lubes for butt sex, that it will take some explanation. As you read through this explanation, you will have information that should drive the decisions you make when selecting a lubricant for anal play and sex whether for a penis, sex toys and condoms, or finger or anilingus. And lubes play an important role in any kind of sex. In fact, a study at Indiana University found that more than 70% of over 2,000 study subjects stated that the use of a personal lubricant made sex much more pleasurable, even enhancing a body's natural lubrication. In anal sex, though, there is no natural lubrication, so the use of anal lubes of some type is absolutely essential. Here are the five basic types of
Water-based lube is a favorite among anal lubes for many, because it can be used with any type of anal play or sex. They are safe for both non-latex and latex condoms and are known to reduce condom breakage. Water-based are also pH-balanced. Other pros of water-based anal lubricant are as follows:
A water-based lubricant won't stain sheets
A water-based lubricant washes off easily
A water-based anal lubricant can be used for any type of sex - vaginal or anal
A water-based personal lubricant is often claimed to be "wetter" than oil or silicone lubes
A water-based lube reduces friction
A natural water-based lubricant is better for sensitive skin
If there are any cons of water-based anal lubes, some users find them too watery which can make anal play and sex a bit slippery.
Here is another popular lube for anal sex, and it is a competitor of water-based lube for people with skin sensitivity. It is just silky smooth, and a silicone-based lubricant will usually be paraben-free. Another benefit is that, because silicone is hypoallergenic, there is little-to-no chance of an allergic reaction. And silicone-based anal lubes are longer-lasting than any natural water-based lubricant.
Among the pros of silicone-based lubes are the following:
Silicone-based lube is better for sensitive skin
Silicone lube is longer-lasting and works well in a shower or hot tub
A Silicone lubricant contains high-grade ingredients
A silicone lubricant works well with any type of condom
The one important "con" of silicone lube is that it cannot be used with silicone sex toys. the reason? The lube will gradually break down the surface of toy materials, creating abrasions along those surfaces where bacteria can grow. This means that any silicone sex toy must be thoroughly cleaned in between uses, with an anti-bacterial soap. Water or oil-based lubes should be used with a silicone sex toy, as well as any number of natural single-ingredient lubricants such as coconut oil, shea butter, or olive oil.
Oil-based lubes have a major benefit - staying power. So, if you are planning a long sex session and don't want to stop occasionally to re-apply a lube, this may be a good choice. There are plenty of plant-based oils with all-natural ingredients that are used to fashion some of the best lubes for butt sex - coconut oil (e.g., Boy Butter), almond oil, and even olive oil. Some oil-based do contain other ingredients, so it is wise to check the labels. Boy Butter, for example, has none and is a good choice. And for those who want to lube deeper, these are a favorite lube of many. Another perk? An oil lubricant can also be used for a massage during foreplay.
All of these pros can make you wonder why an oil-based lube would not be the first choice of lubricant by everyone. But there are some clear drawbacks to their use:
The lube should not be used with latex condoms due to increased risk of breakage
Cleanup is more difficult with an oil lube
It is a lube that can stain clothing and sheets
It is a lube that is sometimes associated with Candida, a fungus that can cause yeast infections.
Natural lube is plant-based, and these have become more popular in recent years, given the contemporary aversion to chemicals and preservatives. But "natural" can be deceiving, so it will be important to read the labels carefully. Aloe vera is a common natural lube and should be at least 95% of the ingredients in that lube. For vegans, looking for cruelty-free products is also important. And certainly, any lube that purports to be natural should have no parabens. A lot of plant oils are considered "natural," if other ingredients are minimal, but do have the drawbacks that any oil lube will have.
As to benefits, a natural lube will have a good pH balance and will be cruelty and paraben-free. And unlike silicone lube, they can be used with any silicone sex toy. Among the "cons," are they are not as long-lasting and more lube will have to be used for longer periods of sex. Another concern may be cross-contamination. If aloe or vitamin e is used for cuts and burns, then it's possible for germs and bacteria to be transmitted. The same goes if coconut oil is used for cooking. Hands must be washed before and after each use of these products for any purpose.
Usually, a hybrid is a combination of water-based lube and silicone lube, but there are others - coconut oil and aloe, for example. If you are considering a hybrid, be sure you know the benefits and drawbacks of both of them. You don't want to use a combo silicone lubricant and a water-based personal lubricant, for example, if you plan to use latex condoms.
The short answer is the best anal lubes are what an individual decides they are. If they plan a short masturbation session, then water or natural lube; if they plan on a long session with a partner, they will want silicone or oil (except no oil with latex condoms). Lube choice is specific to what is planned. One note here, though. There are numbing lubes on the market claiming to be the best anal lubes because they eliminate the pain, especially for beginners. Just don't do it. The numbness may mask the pain from damage being done to the anus, and the consequences could require medical attention.
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