How To Detach From Someone: Safe And Effective Tips

Published 22.04.2022
11 min read
Taimi

Unfortunately, not all relationships have a happy ending. As a rule, people tend to have at least two painful break-ups before they meet their true love.

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So if your current relationship makes you emotionally drained, or if your partner is toxic or too demanding, you shouldn't waste your time on maintaining this relationship. You should find out how to detach from someone in a safe and effective way and start living a happier life.

Why Healthy Emotional Detachment Is Important?

Remember, the longer you stay in an unhealthy relationship, the more it will affect your mental health. You need to emotionally detach from your partner to analyze the situation and find a way to move on.

The problem is that if you don't do it right now, you may experience the following issues:

  • Anxiety disorder

  • Depression

  • Chronic stress

  • Low self-esteem

  • Inability to trust people

  • Inability to build a new relationship

  • Inability to achieve success in life

You are the only person who can decide how you should live and what you should do. And if your current partner expects you to behave in a certain way, you shouldn't tolerate that. You should emotionally distance yourself and start practising self-love.

9 Tips on How to Detach Yourself from Someone

Are you ready to start the process of emotional detachment? Here is a list of useful tips that you can use to get control over your emotional reactions and achieve the desired results.

Define the Reasons

The first thing you should do to emotionally detach yourself from someone is to answer the question of why you should do it. What has recently changed in your relationship? How has been your emotional well-being affected?

Take a piece of paper and write down all the reasons why you believe emotional detachment is necessary for you. Analyze your feelings as well as current relationship issues. It will allow you to ensure that you make the right decision.

Further, you will use this list to stay focused on what is important to you. If your romantic partner tries to manipulate you, you will be able to say "no" and protect yourself.

Be aware that you will likely get into the trap if you don't clearly define why you should detach emotionally. You will be hesitant in making decisions and will be easily manipulated.

Practice Physical Detachment

Let's face it. You will never get emotionally detached from your partner if you keep living in one apartment and communicate daily. You need to distance yourself from that person literally.

Stop seeing your partner – limit all the random meet-ups. If you used to work out at the same gym, find another gym to attend. If you visit the same coffee shop, choose another place to buy your morning latte.

Don't call them. Don't check their posts on Facebook and Instagram. Once you stop interconnecting with them on a physical level, you will feel much better on an emotional level.

Rai Broadnax mentioned in her tweet that physical detachment plays an important role in breaking emotional attachment.

Set Emotional Boundaries

If you can't practice physical distancing with the person you are emotionally attached to, you need to set boundaries. For instance, if your ex is your co-worker, you can't just quit your job, right? But you can talk to your ex and state it clearly that you will not discuss any topics other than work.

Set ground rules to make it easier for you to navigate the situation and avoid awkward conversations. If you do it right, you will manage to rebuild your relationship in a healthy way and move on in your own life.

Build a Support System

Most people find it challenging to leave a toxic relationship. If you want to emotionally detach from a toxic person, we highly encourage you to get support from your friends.

Ask your close people to look after you and help you overcome all the difficulties. For instance, you may ask your bestie to stop you from calling your ex when you get drunk. Or, you can even move in with your friends, so they can take care of you when you are the most vulnerable.

Some people believe that they can handle the situation on their own, and they feel ashamed to ask for help. Does it sound familiar to you? Do you feel like you put your problems on someone else? You shouldn't feel like that!

Your friends are always there for you, so feel free to ask them to do you a favor. Make a few phone calls now and contact people who can act in your best interest in whatever situation.

Tip: Social support will boost your mental health and help you emotionally detach from someone you no longer need in your life.

Think About Future

Can you imagine what your future will look like if you stay emotionally attached to the same person? Do you have any chance to have a happy family and a successful career? If your answer is no, you need to practice emotional detachment.

If you don't see your future together, it's time to end this relationship and start a new one. Life is short. The sooner you begin dating other people, the sooner you will find the right person to enjoy life with.

Tip: If you find it challenging to meet new people in real life, use dating apps. Start building a new relationship online – that's a great way to protect your emotions.

Take Care of Your Physical Health

Physical and emotional health are interrelated. If you want to improve your psychological well-being, you should take care of your body. No matter whether you are a sports lover or not, you should find time in your schedule to exercise a few times a week.

You don't necessarily have to go to the gym. You can choose any sports activities that appeal to you. You can play tennis with your friend, practice yoga at home, or simply enjoy long walks on the beach.

The main task you need to complete is "to get up and move your body". It will distract you from negative thoughts and memories of the past and help you focus on good things.

Interesting fact: Every time you exercise, your brain releases endorphins, peptide hormones that relieve pain and improve your general well-being. The more you exercise, the less pain the emotional detachment causes you.

Find a New Hobby

Where does emotional attachment come from? Many people get emotionally attached to other people because of their uncovered emotional needs. But it's not the only reason.

Some people fail to manage their own time and energy. Instead of focusing on their hobby or career, they focus their efforts on building relationships. Once the crush becomes an obsession, the situation goes out of control.

When your mind is occupied with your lover, you stop thinking rationally. You get into the trap: when a relationship ends, you can't cope with your emotions and can't simply cut ties with your ex.

Naturally, if you want to emotionally detach from someone, you should find a new way to spend your time and energy. Have you ever thought about taking dance classes, learning French, or improving your cooking skills? Find a hobby that appeals to you, and focus on acquiring a new skill.

You need to concentrate your attention on a new subject and direct your thoughts in the right direction. Occupy your mind with new information, and it will get easier for you to forget about your past romantic relationship.

"You don't realize how many hours being in a relationship filled until you're not in one anymore. Now, you could look at this as a sad thing or as an opportunity. I prefer the latter. All of that extra time on your plate gives you the perfect opportunity for new hobbies to try after breaking up," writer and podcaster Rachel Shatto.

Go on a Solo Trip

Travelling is one of the most powerful things that can transform your psychological well-being. If you were emotionally invested in an unhealthy relationship and want to detach from your ex, go on a trip. Immerse yourself into a new culture, meet new friends, and explore the hidden side of your personality.

By putting yourself into brand new circumstances, you will discover a new side of yourself. You will better understand your feelings, so it will be easier for you to go through the detachment stage. The more you travel, the more positive emotions you will experience and the happier you will be.

Tip: Don't be afraid to travel alone even if you have never done it before and even if you don't speak foreign languages. This experience will boost you emotionally and help you to detach fast.

Master the Art of Acceptance

We can't control the world around us. Sometimes we get in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sometimes we start dating the wrong people and get into situations in which we have zero influence. And the only right thing we can do in such cases is to practice acceptance.

We always hope for the better and look forward to the good things. But we have to accept the fact that this world is imperfect. Sometimes we just need to let go of the situation and accept our emotions, whether they are positive or negative.

Tip: Cultivation of acceptance will positively influence all aspects of your life. It will be easier for you to survive all unpredictable events (global pandemics, natural disasters, etc.).

How to Detach from Someone Who Has Broken Your Heart

You have broken up with your ex a few weeks, months, or even years ago but you still feel emotionally attached? That’s a huge problem and you can’t ignore it. You need to protect your mental health by all means.

Talk to a Therapist

If you can't manage the situation by yourself, you should talk to a therapist. A qualified specialist will listen to you and assist you with finding a proper solution.

Your psychological well-being is the most valuable thing, and you should invest in it. Just keep in mind that you may need to meet a few therapists before you find the one that is a perfect fit for you.

AK, a 27-year-old from New Jersey, shared her personal experience withThe Guardian:

"Therapists have different styles, and it's OK not to like your therapist… I have been to I-don't-know-how-many therapists, and this last one was really the best."

Try out the "Dead to Me" Approach

Are you ready to try out a radical approach? Here you need to use your brainpower and your imagination. You need to imagine that the person you loved in the past and the person you know now (one that has broken your heart) are two different people.

Imagine that they look alike, they have the same name, and they both live in the same apartment. The trick here is to imagine that the person you loved has died… you will never be able to kiss or hug this person again.

Yes, it hurts, but you should use your mind to virtually "bury" your dearest friend and lover. Otherwise, you will not be able to move on. You need to feel grief first to feel free later.

You can keep the happy memories you created together. But you should have a clear understanding that the person you loved no longer exists.

And how should you treat the person who looks like your loving ex? You should treat him like a stranger. This person doesn't care about you, and he will never treat you well. You have nothing in common with this stranger; you owe this person nothing.

Well, this psychological trick is not for everyone. But if you feel like it may help you, don't hesitate to try it out. Use it to emotionally detach from someone who doesn't deserve your love and get a chance to start a new chapter of your own life.

Key Benefits of Emotionally Detaching

Do you still doubt whether you should emotionally detach from the person who used to be important to you? Here is a list of benefits you will get once you get control of your emotions:

  • You will significantly improve your psychological well-being

  • You will stay focused on your goals and waste less time on non-important things and self-doubts

  • You will stop putting off your ambitious plans

  • You will reach the point where you can control your life

  • You will get a chance to meet your true soulmate

  • You will get rid of chronic stress.

Jerr Rrej mentioned this point in his Tweet:

The main point here is that if you keep putting away the moment of emotionally detaching, nothing good will happen. Sooner or later, you will have to come through these challenges to calm down your feelings. If you want to make this process easier, you should take the first step today.

Learn the Lesson

Most people, who have experienced problems with emotional detachment earlier, tend to face the same issue in the future. So if you don't want to suffer again, do your best to learn the lesson from your current situation:

  • Don't get attached to your new lover too soon. Keep the distance until you understand that you have met your Mr./Mrs. Right.

  • Put your priorities first. Don't sacrifice your career or hobby.

  • Be aware of your psychological issues. Make sure that your new dating experience will not affect your mental health.

  • Set the boundaries from the very beginning.

  • Practice self-love and self-respect. Don't allow other people to put you down.

Now Is a Perfect Moment for Emotionally Detaching

Are you struggling to maintain healthy relationships? You should recognize the fact that nothing will change for the better. There is no sense to be with someone who is not your perfect match.

It's time for you to accept your feelings, get emotionally detached, and set future goals. Stop looking back and start looking forward. Break up with your past, and fill your life with joy.

You have already accepted the fact that emotionally detaching is needed. And that was your first step. You have chosen the right path! Keep moving in this direction, and you will achieve your goal!


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