LGBTQ+ romantic relationships are complex. They involve lots of mutual give and take, honest communication, and commitment to the well-being of each other. But in addition to those rather normal things that make any relationship healthy, you both are members of a community that is often scorned, bullied, and discriminated against. This adds another level to the relationship, especially the dating part.
When things are just “not right,” you may be in a toxic dating relationship. Here are eight signs you just might be.
Lack of Trust
Here’s the thing about trust. Every dating relationship begins on a level of trust. Over time, that trust is either reinforced or eroded. What’s going on in yours? Has there been some infidelity and lots of “I’m sorry, I’ll never do it again” statements? Are you afraid it will happen again anyway?
And how about other trust issues. Does your current squeeze do what they say they will? Do they honor your needs, show up on time, and do the things you ask to make your life easier and better? If these things are not happening, trust erodes.
Hiding You or the Relationship
You have come out and are proud of your sexual identity. Your partner has not and wants to continue to hide theirs. It’s one thing for your partner to want to hide their identity and your relationship from family members but to the whole world? Is he hiding your relationship from fellow members of the LGBTQ+ community too? Something is wrong here. If you have to sneak around to have dates, it will only lead to arguments and cause you to wonder what else he is hiding? Being forced to date in the shadows is toxic.
Regular Lying
If your partner is a regular liar, you will eventually catch this. And they will respond in one of two ways. They will either make up other lies to cover up, or they will respond in anger and try to deflect by bringing up faults that you have. The fact is, no matter how big or small the lies are, it indicates a lack of respect for you and for the relationship. Can we say “toxic?”
Taking But Never Giving
This can be common in LGBTQ+ dating relationships. There are givers and takers in this world. But a healthy relationship involves both on the part of both partners. If you are always the giver and getting nothing in return, and you keep doing this, you are in a codependent relationship. Eventually, it will lead to resentment and anger on your part, and those emotions by themselves are toxic. Besides getting out of the relationship, you may need some professional help to not repeat the same relationship in the future. Sometimes, givers look for relationships in which they can be the rescuer and take care of someone else – it’s a horrible pattern.
Bad Communication
When couples don’t have the skills or the desire to really communicate, things go downhill fast. Discussions about the relationship end up being arguments, filled with angry criticisms, put-downs, etc. Sometimes bad communication is more subtle – the silent treatment, constant interrupting, hearing but not really listening, and such. Overt or subtle, bad communication means the relationship is toxic.
