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When was the first time you realized that you were attracted to other women? Did you and your best friend share a lasting and open-mouthed kiss in the high school bathroom or in the middle of studying at your place during your senior year? Were you in a hetero relationship in college, only to discover that you and some close friends shared sexual attraction? Maybe you were married and decided to try a threesome - during the fun, you discovered you were physically attracted to the other woman as much or more than to your husband.
These are typical experiences of girls and women as they realize that they are ready to have lesbian sex. You can describe yourself as lesbian, bi, or even hetero with a twist, but the point is this: you want to experience sex with a female partner.
Are you nervous about this first-time lesbian sex? That's okay. The first time for anything can be a bit scary. This article will walk you through getting mentally ready for your first time and then all of the ways you can enjoy your same-sex experience. Our conclusion? You will go back for more!
And just another important fact here. Dr. Megan Stubbs, a clinical sexologist has this to say about lesbian sex: "It's up to the individuals are participating in the sexual act to determine whether it's sex or not. For some, it might be oral sex, for others, it might be mutual masturbation...There aren't any boxes that need to be checked for something to be sex. But there are so many boxes to choose from!"
Some first-time lesbian sex experiences happen spontaneously. They may be awkward and experimental, and that's perfectly normal. But let's say you and another woman have found a mutual attraction and set up a date to explore actual sex with each other. If you think that everything will flow naturally, think again. You'll want to prepare yourself for this encounter with another woman's vulva, and you will need guidance on all of the things you can do during this encounter. Remember: a partner's gender really matters during a lesbian sex experience - it's not a "penis in vagina" (p in v) thing.
So, there are physical and mental parts to getting yourself ready to enjoy the hell out of your first-time lesbian experience. Here are some suggestions:
Use your own hands and/or toys. What turns you on? Have you found your clit? How about your G-spot? Is the area around your anus stimulating? What about your nipples? A woman's body has a bunch of spots that will arouse. Explore until you find those that work for you. Then you will be able to let your partner know what to do to get you aroused (You'll do the same with your partner's body too).
Do get some toys. They come in all sizes and shapes. Some vibrate at different levels. Some are for vaginal, and some are for anal stimulation. Some have parts for both. Try both and identify the ones that stimulate you the most and have those on hand.
Because you are not experienced, lesbian sex videos can give you lots of pointers on techniques. These are very different from those of the straight sex, so pay attention. Watch several. Try some of the techniques on yourself and see which ones make you feel good. Watch how the two partners engage in foreplay; and once in a prone position, how do they work up to various sex acts? What parts of their bodies are used and how in order to get lots of arousal? What types of methods do they use for oral sex? Anal play? Do they strap on toys, and how are those toys used both vaginally and anally?
You can learn a lot from these videos. And you can experiment along the way before you meet up with your partner. Also, do a bit of research. There are a lot of spots on a woman's body that are erogenous as well as sex positions.
In case you didn't know, STIs can be transmitted among women during lesbian sex just as they are between gay and hetero couples. Any time bodily fluids, including vaginal fluids, are exchanged, or there is genital contact of skin, there is that risk. Some STDs are obviously curable after the fact (syphilis and gonorrhea), and some are prevented by vaccinations (e.g., HPV). Whether you have been in a monogamous relationship or have had multiple male partners, then you must be checked before you set out on this new encounter. That's only fair to this partner. And you should not be afraid to ask her to get checked for sexually transmitted infections too. It may be an uncomfortable conversation to have but have it you must. You can simply say, "Have you been checked for any infections since your last partner?"
If you have any doubts at all, get a dental dam for oral sex. It's a thin piece of latex you put over your partner's vagina or butt hole. And it can be lubricated on her side for comfort and pleasure. There are also dental harnesses that will hold that dam in place. It's sort of like a lesbian sex rubber.
And speaking of rubbers, if you plan to use sex toys, have a good supply of condoms on hand. They are critical for safe sex of this kind. Change the condom after every single use - no exceptions here.
And one special note about Herpes here. If you are going to have sex with another woman (or a man for that matter), and you have a cold sore that has not yet crusted over, just don't do it. Postpone the encounter. This virus can be transmitted by mouth kissing and absolutely by oral sex. And there is no cure if you get genital Herpes. All you can do is make sure that you don't have an outbreak when you plan to have sex.
Sexual health is just too important to ignore.
If this is your first time having lesbian sex, it's a big deal for you. You may have watched the videos; you may have experimented on yourself, and you think you are physically ready to enjoy this. But what's between your ears is just as important. To get ready mentally and emotionally, you can try these exercises:
Lie on your back in a quiet room or with soft music playing. Play with yourself in a sexual way until you are aroused. Try to bring yourself to an orgasm. Feel it building.
Lie on your back in the same way. Get a picture in your head of the woman you are going to have sex with. Visualize her in that place with you. Reach out and caress her body and "feel" her caressing you. "Feel" her lips on yours, massaging your tits and fingering your nipples, licking down your stomach and to your vagina. Use your fingers and/or toys to bring yourself and your partner to orgasm. the more you can do this and have these "movies" play out in your head, the more relaxed you will be when the actual act happens
You may or may not be a fan of Yoga, but there are lots of relaxation techniques that will enhance sex. It has been known for some time that certain Yoga exercises improve physical sexual arousal, but there are also meditative Yoga exercises that improve relaxation and reduce anxiety. So, if you are having nervous or anxious moments about your coming event, learn to practice these to help you out.
The event is upon you. As you engage, here are some key tips about strategies and techniques.
Good communication is absolutely necessary if you are going to please yourself and your lover. And this should go on throughout the whole act. You need to let one another know what feels right, what is increasing arousal, and what is not. There is no need to be shy here. Speak up and encourage her to do the same. This is the first time, and you are still exploring each other's bodies and minds. Listen for the sounds coming from your lover too - these are good clues about what is going well. Even during the "afterglow," discuss what you loved the most and what made you uncomfortable. This is especially important if you both want to continue this relationship.
Ask her if she uses her fingers to masturbate and to show you how she does it. Then use your fingers to do the same and see if that brings pleasure. Show her what you do with your fingers and have her do the same.
You don't have to begin fingering down south. Try moving your fingers over her mouth, around her ears, over her boobs, and around her nipples. There are erogenous places all over a woman's body, and you should explore them.
Everyone is different. You may want fast finger movement; she may not. Try using your fingers to caress her outer lips. See what finger movements work best on her clitoris. And while you are doing these things, be sure to ask questions.
Finger penetration can be amazing. Start with one or two fingers, using lubrication if she is not yet naturally wet. Begin slowly, continuing to ask her how that feels. Feel for the G-spot along the front wall of the vagina, about two inches in. If it is spongy or bumpy, it's likely that she will want it to be "flicked." This can actually bring about a climax for some women.
One note here: If you have long fingernails, you will be better off trimming and filing them until they are smooth, at least those you intend to use to penetrate. If you can't bring yourself to do this, then get some finger-cops - finger-size "gloves," also known as finger condoms. These could be especially important for anal play.
Oral sex can be oh-so-satisfying and bring oh-so-much variety to love-making. Kissing and licking can be hugely erogenous, almost anywhere on the body. Of course, mouth-to-mouth kissing is just the beginning. Licking the ears can be a turn-on for some women but going south to the nipples can be even better. You might even try gentle flicking of those nipples with your teeth.
Move further south, kissing and licking your way down to the inner thighs and finally to the labia. Now use that talented tongue to push apart the labia and lick all around. You might want to find your way up to that clit too. Clitoral stimulation can be amazing and bring on amazing orgasms. Ask her to tell you what feels the best and listen for those moans of delight.
But why should she have all the fun? Tell her what you'd like her to do and invert yourself on top of her, so you can do this together at the same time. Hetero couples do this, so why not two women?
Talking to your partner about oral barrier methods is a conversation you need to have. Dental dams are good safety measures, and they really won't reduce pleasure.
Everyone's preferences are different, and anal sex isn't for everyone. Still, lots of straight women (maybe even you) do enjoy it with their hetero partners. Be sure to discuss it with this first girlfriend before you travel to her anus. Remember - this is a new partner, and you don't know much about her sexual history yet.
Ass-licking can be amazing. Pull those butt cheeks apart and do your thing - kissing and licking around the anus. This may be a good time for a dental dam, to make your experience a bit safer.
What if she wants you to penetrate the anus with your finger? If she agrees, be sure to use some lube before going in. You'll know if she's enjoying it by the sounds she makes. And again, about those long nails. Either use a finger that has the nail cut and filed smooth or a finger cot. One finger inside will be good at first and start slow if this is her first time. She will need time to relax these muscles.
Ultimately, you may even go on to use a butt plug. Whatever sounds and/or feels good is the type of sexual contact you should have.
Not all lesbian women enjoy p in v sex, and this is part of the conversation you should have before your first meet-up. And, if you have been hetero in the past or used a sex toy, you already know whether you like it. Lots of same-sex couples go without penetrative sex, using mutual masturbation and oral sex only.
You and your partner may be used to vibrators that can really enhance a lesbian experience and provide a safe sex event (so long as they are thoroughly cleaned after each use.
Using a dildo is totally different. If you haven't ever had one, then a shopping trip is now on your list.
Go to a reputable sex store with helpful consultants. They will let you actually feel the dildos - they come in all shapes, sizes and outer textures. Some will even vibrate. Be careful in your selection and go a bit smaller than you think you might want. You can always go back for more. And, if you and your partner might be into butt penetration, go with a very small one at first.
Now, about those harnesses. Most are adjustable and need to be for a strap-on to really fit both of you.
And pretty important - don't forget the lube. Even for oral sex, flavored lubes can be pretty amazing. And with a dildo, lube is a must.
Once you have all the right equipment, you will need to practice. Strap it on and start making thrusts, slow ones, fast ones, short ones, and deeper ones. Practice until you feel comfortable with all of these - your partner may want this variety during her first lesbian experience with you.
The first time you each use a dildo on each other may be a bit awkward, but you will both get better with practice and as you are both willing to talk about what is good or not. Is it deep enough or not? Is it too fast or slow? is it at a good angle? Many women find that the experience of a dildo can be pretty big W.
All of the tips and methods talked about above are not the only things to try. For example, a woman may have unusual erogenous zones that you won't find right away. Another woman may have nerve endings in unusual places that turn her on. Or you might have to experiment more to get the right strap-on.
Going even further, you and your woman partner may decide to experiment with mild forms of BDSM - who knows? There's just so much that can bring pleasure. The most important thing is this - you should have fun, find out what feels good and right for you and your partner, keep talking to each other, come to know all body parts of each other, and be mindful that you are both in this to satisfy each other.
Lesbian sex for the first time does not have to be awkward or nerve-wracking. You and your partner have both agreed that this is your choice. And a same-sex encounter can be just for the moment or turn into a long-term deal. Your own identity and sexual orientation are yours to decide. having sex with another woman once, twice, or fifty times doesn't mean you have to be a lesbian. You can be many things in between - whatever makes you feel good at the moment. Fortunately, in today's world of flexibility and tolerance, your sexual orientation can be just as fluid as you wish.
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