Who Is This Guide For?
While we think that trans and non-binary people can identify as lesbian, and deserve resources and sex education, the focus here is primarily cunnilingus. The advice here is very much geared towards those who identify as people with vaginas. If this fits you or your partner, then keep reading. If not, stay tuned. We hope to produce a wide range of inclusive, sex guides in the future.
Other than the above, this guide is for anybody who wants to learn how to give oral better. You will find great information here if you are a first-timer who is scared about being laughed out of the bedroom. This is also a great refresher guide to any lesbian who has finally admitted that they need to up their game. Such as if you’re an old pro who wishes to make sure that the woman you are pleasuring feels good.
Why write a guide like this? There are many reasons. Some females are fearful and intimidated about giving oral. Others are with partners who may be hesitant to provide coaching or suggestions because they’ve been socialized. Long story short, we believe that good sex advice creates a better sexual experience, and that leads to stronger relationships. Mostly, everybody deserves to have a satisfying intimate life and to feel confident in their abilities.
Let’s be honest. The art of giving head to a lady is more complex than giving a blow job or head as some may refer to it. Whether you consider yourself to be lesbian or bisexual oral sex doesn’t have to be awkward. Cunnilingus can be fun, fulfilling, and exciting. You just have to follow some helpful guidelines.
Make Her Feel Amazing About Herself
Let’s be honest here. It isn’t just intimidating to give lesbian oral sex. Sometimes, it’s just as nerve-wracking to be on the receiving end. As women, we are socialized to believe they are practically unclean if they haven’t showered and removed every remnant of pubic hair within the last three hours. This is why many can feel particularly shy about receiving from another girl. Remember that your partner may be feeling really self-conscious. Then there’s all the ridiculous messaging about how ladies should just be selfless givers.
Of course, nobody is going to be able to come or enjoy the process if they are tense, and worried that you aren’t enjoying going down on her. So, step one is to ensure that she is feeling confident, comfortable, and ready to go. Let her know how sexy she is, and how much she turns you on. And yes, you should absolutely let her know that the idea of being in close contact with her vagina is exciting for you. But just remember that there is nothing wrong with your wife or girlfriend being anxious about the act. Especially if it is their first time being on the receiving end of it all.
In addition to this talk with and make sure that you listen to her own concerns. It is important to communicate with your girlfriend in order to make them feel comfortable or involved with the practice. The extra comfort will do great to relieve the tension of the potentially awkward situation that this situation has put them in. Ask them what position is most comfortable, or if they prefer going on the bed or the couch. Also, don’t be afraid to tell them that it’s ok for her to point out what feels good, and what doesn’t. Basically, it is important to pay attention to every word that comes out of their mouth in order to avoid putting them on the spot. Give them the support that they need and let them know that you see them as the beautiful person that they are.
Start With Foreplay
While gay people can absolutely have penetrative sex, in many cases oral sex is the main act, and the resulting climax is the finale. Basically, straight people may have the luxury of treating oral as just the preliminary, but not us sapphic sisters. We’ve got to warm things up first. Slow down, and start the action with some heavy petting.
There’s a good reason for this. A woman can take as long as 20 minutes to be fully ready for action. When they are ready, their pleasure is more intense, and they enjoy the experience even more than they would have without getting warmed up. It’s worth taking time to ensure she is completely warmed up before you dive in.
Fooling around is important as it acts as both a physical and emotional relief. This in turn helps to prepare the mind and body for the activity that is going to happen. Without this, many people would be unable to get ‘wet’ as they wouldn’t be able to produce the lubrication that is needed for intercourse. While this may or may not be an issue with girl-on-girl sex, it’s still an indicator of readiness.
Get started with an intense makeout session. Touch her, caress her, undress her, and tell her how sexy she is. Tease her clit, but don’t spend too much time on it. Just hold off on going down on her. Mostly, pay attention to her reactions. Seriously, the key to lesbian sex is to be thoughtful and aware. Remember to give your girl extra comfort if she requires it, whether it be in the form of more kisses or holding hands. This type of play is important as it helps to bring you and your partner closer, whether it be your girlfriend or your wife.
Teasing is a Good Thing
If you’ve done the whole “pre-gaming” thing correctly, she’s probably begging for you to get started. You’re probably eager to get in there as well, especially if it is your first time. Slow down. Remember that anticipation builds desire, if you dive right in, she’s going to come in five minutes. Then what?
Move slowly. Start by stroking your girl gently. Kiss her, and work your way slowly down her body. Use your mouth to nuzzle and lick her inner thighs. Play with her breasts. It should be pretty obvious when she’s ready. If she isn’t, don’t rush things. Take things very slow if it is your first time with this person.
Your patience and hers will be rewarded when it’s time to start going down on her. The experience will be climatic for her and rewarding for you.
Know What You Are Doing
This is where things get really exciting, but also a bit confusing. When it’s time to put your tongue into action, you must know exactly what you are doing. Unfortunately, that’s not easy. Every partner is different. Every vagina is different, and what makes one woman come won’t work on another. That’s why every top sex educator agrees. Communication is your best tool in the bedroom. Don’t worry about being awkward. Directness is best.
Don’t assume that a technique you used on the last person is going to work. After all, each girl is different, and each one has a vagina that may react differently to the techniques you’ve used. Instead, consider these things to be best practices, but be prepared to change things up based on your partner’s body and desires:
- Most prefer as much contact with the clitoris as possible
- Some enjoy penetration during oral others not so much
- Repetition is a good thing. If she is close to orgasm, don’t change things up! Stick with it!
- Watch her signals after climax she may want to stop right away
Your partner wants to know that you enjoy going down on her. That’s not something you are going to communicate if you are hesitant or unsure of yourself. It’s okay to be inexperienced, but don’t let that ruin her experience. Spend some time looking at pictures, even watching videos. Get a mirror and look at yourself if you have a vagina. Get familiar and embrace this beautiful organ. Know how to find the clit. That’s imperative. Remember that, unlike a dick, the vagina is a bit more complicated. Become familiar with it in order to help you understand how other girls may enjoy themselves during intercourse.
The other side of the spectrum are ladies who treat oral sex as if they are trying to win a competitive eating contest. We get it, you like going down on other queer women. You are a fan of the vagina. It’s just that the clitoris has thousands of nerve endings, you don’t have to be so enthusiastic that your partner is uncomfortable. Also, while you’re busy going at it with such gusto, you’re probably not paying close attention to her reactions. Slow down. Start gently. The thing you’ve read about slow, circular motions with your tongue is absolutely true. Ask her what she likes, and pay attention to how her body responds.
What about your fingers? That depends. Some lesbians enjoy that. Others, not so much. Ask, or test the waters very carefully with your finger, and see how she responds. If it’s a use, then proceed but start with just one finger. The idea is to stimulate her during this time and get a better understanding of her anatomy. There are some who only require the stimulation that a tongue can give them in order to climax while others need a bit more help in the area.
Don’t Compare Her to Other Women
It’s good to have experience, but never assume that the technique you used with your last partner is going to work with your new one. By all means, try a few of your standard techniques. You may get an amazing result. If you don’t, that doesn’t mean you suck at lesbian oral sex. It just means you have to get to know this gal better and find your rhythm together.
Some ladies love intensity and speed. Others prefer a slow and gentle approach. That’s common with people who have a sensitive clit. Be observant and communicate. Encourage her to communicate as well. There are many gals who have dealt with less than pleasurable sex before they finally admitted that they didn’t like what their partners were doing.
Of course, some gals are less vocal than others. Still, most will communicate their likes or dislikes during lesbian oral sex. You just have to pay attention. Does she scoot away from you? That is a sign that you’re using too much pressure. Grinding into you often means that she wants you to increase both pressure and speed.
Don’t hesitate to ask questions while you are performing the act. Simply asking “does this feel good” or “do you like it when I do that?” can show her that you are tuned into her needs.
Keep it Safe And Sane
Are you interested in exploring oral sex outside of a monogamous relationship? There’s no problem at all. Just be sure you are engaging in safe sex practices. For example, if you plan to engage in analingus, use a dental dam before you come in contact with the receiver’s butt. Use protection when you engage in sex with anybody you don’t know really well.
This doesn’t mean you can’t be adventurous. Try a little ass play if that is something you both enjoy. Also, you don’t have to stick to the same position. For something mildly kinky, suck on a piece of ice before you start. Your cool mouth and tongue will give her some thrilling sensations the first time you try it.
The Other Side: Receiving
So, the weird thing about all of this is that so many gay women are almost more self-conscious about being on the receiving end of all this oral attention. Many are self-conscious about their bodies or have unhealthy perceptions of sex that isn’t vanilla.
If it’s your first time, it can be even more nerve-wracking. If this is you, try to relax. Remember that your partner is eager to please you. Try to communicate, and remember that you are free to have them slow down or stop if things get a bit too intense in bed.
One thing that may help is to watch some porn together. Basically, relax and enjoy the movie. As the story unfolds let them know if you see something that makes you wet. Remember that communication and affection shouldn’t be awkward. After all, if you can’t speak intimately with the person you love about your bodies and preferences, something else is the matter.
Share this post:
