The Ultimate Strap Lesbian Guide for Beginners

Last Updated 14.02.2022
16 min read

This Valentine's Day, you and your boo might be thinking of getting in on some strap lesbian action, but you don't really know where to start. There are so many different adult products and brands on the market, you might have a hard time deciding on which to try with your partner.

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Do you need some helpful tips on how to make your first strap sex special? Here is the ultimate guide for you.

Step #1 - Choose a Suitable Strap-on Dildo 

Do you want to have mind-blowing strap-on sex? Keep in mind that you can't just choose a random toy. That's the case when you need to make an informed purchasing decision and buy a strap-on dildo that fits your lesbian couple perfectly.

Preferably, you need to visit a sex shop with your sex partner to find the most suitable options. A wearer should try on a harness and check whether it's comfortable to wear. A receiver should choose the size and shape of the dildo.

Tip: Women who feel uncomfortable wearing a harness have little chance to get any sexual enjoyment from strap-on sex. Choose the right dildo to be able to enjoy a new sex experience.

It's worth mentioning that you should buy dildos of the best quality you can afford. It's the only way to ensure that you will have enjoyable and, most importantly, safe sex.

Cheap dildos and vibrators are typically made of poor-quality materials. They don't meet the hygiene requirements and can cause itching, burning, rashes, and tissue damage. Low-priced dildos have a porous surface which makes it a cozy breeding ground for bacteria and yeast infections.

Here are a few tips on how to choose a high-quality, body-safe strap-on:

  • Choose dildos made of food-grade or medical-grade silicone, glass, or steel.
  • Opt for the world-famous sex toy brands rather than new brands you have never heard about
  • Make sure that the strap-on comes with a warranty
  • Never buy counterfeit products. Even though they sometimes look exactly like original branded products (have the same shape and color), believe me, they feel differently.

Step #2 - Get Used to It

Before you get ready to enjoy your first strap-on sex, you should put the new harness on and learn how to fasten it tight. You should gain an understanding of how you can regulate the length of straps and how buckles work. 

It may surprise you, but the process of strap-on dressing may be harder than it looks in porno movies. It may take you more than ten minutes to adjust straps and find a comfy position for the dildo. 

Also, you should take your time to practice and do some "physical exercises". You should learn how to move your hips to move the dildo in the right direction and penetrate the vagina of your sex partner at the right angle. You should master this skill in advance. Otherwise, you may disappoint your lover.

Tip: Don't forget about the psychological aspect of wearing a penis. You will likely feel weird when trying on the harness for the first time. It may take you time to get used to the idea of having an "extra body part".

Does the idea of using a strap-on scare you? When you put the harness on, does your own body feel foreign to you? Make sure to overcome these psychological barriers before inviting your partner to the bedroom.

Step #3 - Have a Conversation First

The first-in-life strap-on sex is an intimate experience for all queer women. So please, don't force your partner to try this experience if she's not ready. Wait for the moment you both want to take part in a strap sex play. 

Unfortunately, some lesbians behave egocentrically and do it all wrong. Once they receive a box with a strap-on, they open it, dress the harness, and force their lovers into a strap action. Since not every queer woman is mentally and physically ready for such a sex experience, it results in conflicts.

You can avoid these if you have an honest conversation with your partner. Tell your girlfriend when and how you want to try the strap (you can mention whether it will be vaginal sex, anal sex, etc.). Show her the dildo (if you already have one), or offer her to choose the new product from the store or dedicated site.

Tip: Do you want to have strap-on sex with a person you met in a lesbian chat? Make sure to discuss details of your date online before you meet in real life.

Also, you should specify whether you want to be a strap-on wearer or receiver. This question is more important than one might think. Here is what one queer girl says about playing the role of the wearer:

"Wearing a strap-on really is a major turn off. I'm very feminine, and my femininity is what makes me feel sexy. I absolutely mean it when I say that thought of f**ing her with a strap-on is actually repulsive to me to the point where I don't think I could even mentally force myself to do it."

Tip: Before getting into strap sex, make sure that your partner is comfortable with an assigned role. And don't force the person to try another role.

Step #4 - Give Love

While many people see strap-on sex as a "wild act" driven by animal instincts, you should see it more as an act of giving and receiving love. 

As one queer girl has written on her Twitter, loving other women is the backbone of lesbian relationships.

Want to make your lover happy? Use a strap-on dildo to find her G spot, and be gentle. Move your hips slowly, don't thrust too hard. If your partner feels uncomfortable, offer to switch positions and choose the moving pace that suits you both.

Once you see that your lover is totally enjoying the process, you can start thrusting more intensively. You can experiment with new moves and different dildos to blow your partner's mind and maximize your sexual enjoyment. 

Tip: Make it a goal to deliver the highest pleasure to your partner, and you will be rewarded with the best queer sex ever.

Step #5 - Don't Skip the Foreplay

Foreplay is an essential part of strap-on sex. Make sure to enjoy it to the fullest. Kiss your lover from the top of the head to toe to enhance sexual experience and create extensive sexual arousal. You can opt for oral sex or you can use a vibrator - do whatever makes your partner's body shake from desire.

Dr. Ruth Westheimer, a famous therapist, explains why foreplay is important for reaching an orgasm:

"Stimulation is the key to achieving pleasure. Blood flows into the clitoris, and in order for a woman to have an orgasm, there must be lubrication in the vagina, but also the clitoris must get erect." 

You should get properly warmed up before you start using a dildo - it will get you in the right mindset. It will eliminate psychological barriers, so you will not feel weird putting on a strap-on harness. 

Step #6 - Add More Lube

Whatever dildo you are using, whether it's made of silicone or glass, you should always use some lube. There are three main types of lubricants: water-based, oil-based, and silicone-based. As a rule, sex toy manufacturers specify what lube is better to use.

Do you want to boost sensation? Opt for the lubes with a warming or cooling effect. Want to add even more spice to your foreplay? Choose lubricants with flavors.

The more lube you apply, the better. It will smooth your moves and make penetration more comfortable and enjoyable. On top of that, lube will lessen your risk of injury during sex and help you prevent itching, burning, and chafing.

Check this tweet about using lube for foreplay.

Step #7 - Switch Roles

We have already discussed that some queer ladies don't want to wear the strap-ons and play the masculine role. But it doesn't mean that all women feel this way. In fact, there are many lesbians out there who enjoy both experiences: being a wearer and receiver of the dildo. 

Whether you prefer to be dominant in the bed or not, we highly encourage you to try both: be on the bottom and the top (of course, if your partner doesn't mind it). It's a great opportunity for you to explore your own body and feel the contrast between the sense of power and the sense of submission.

Step #8 - Learn It Your Own Way

Don't use porn video as a tutorial or guide to action. Porn stars make us wrongly believe that huge dildos are the key to a spectacular orgasm. But the truth is that most women prefer to use adult products of the normal size (the size of an average man's penis).

If your partner doesn't moan like a porn actress, it doesn't mean that she doesn't enjoy the process. Every person is unique, and you shouldn't compare your lover to someone you have seen in a porn video. You should ask your girlfriend about her personal preferences rather than try to apply all those tricks you learned from porn. 

In real life, queer sex look differently, and many awkward situations may happen. The dildo may slip, and the new harness may break. And that's totally fine! You don't have to choose fancy positions to impress your lover. Just get comfortable in your bed and do what feels right for you.

Step #9 - Don't Overdo It

Do you want to enjoy lesbian sex to the fullest? Listen to your instincts and move naturally. Remember that you are not a "thrust machine", you are a loving human. 

Don't offer your partner to change positions every couple of minutes, and don't try to use dozens of different toys at once. Don't force the play. Focus totally on your body and your feelings. Take your clothes off and let the magic happen.

Step #10 - Use Condoms

Many gay people don't understand why they should use condoms on dildos. Here are a few reasons to do it:

  • Condoms make the cleaning process easier  (when you use a condom, you don't have to wash off dried bodily fluids)
  • Condoms come with lube that prevents vagina dryness and discomfort
  • Condoms help to prevent sexually transmitted diseases

Tip: If you use a dildo for anal sex, change condoms before having vaginal or oral sex.

The Best Positions for Strap-On Sex

Are you ready to invite your gay friend to your bedroom and have some fun with a strapon? Here are four hot positions to enjoy.

Doggy style

This position is the easiest one - it's just a perfect choice for beginners. Ask your sex friend to get into doggie with her face and arms down on the bed. In such a pose, you will have the best overview of her intimate body parts, and it will be easier for you to penetrate the vagina.


Do you want to have more close contact with your lover? Try out a missionary pose. The receiving partner needs to lie on the back. The giving partner should stay on the top to control the depth of penetration.


If you don't want to wear a harness, but want to be the person who controls the rhythm and pace of thrusts, choose this position. Mount your lover (sit on the dildo), and imagine yourself as a cowgirl. Use the strength of your legs to move up and down, enjoying a growing sensation.


A blowjob can be done and received by people of any gender. And yes, it can be a part of hot lesbian sex too. 

Obviously, an attached dildo doesn't feel like your body part, and you can't get direct physical enjoyment. But what about the psychological aspect of the strap-on sex? Gay ladies say that they experience strong sexual arousal when watching someone go down on them. 

TIP: Ask your lover to use a vibrator while she is giving you a blowjob. It will double your sexual excitement and make your play even hotter.

Best Adult Products for Strapon Sex

Experimenting with toys builds more trust in relationships and helps both partners learn more about each others' needs and preferences. Do you want to find the perfect addition to your sex life? Here are some of the best brands of strap-ons.

Lovehoney Beginner’s Unisex Kit

If you are a true beginner, this kit is the best option for you. It comes with a 5-inch dildo - it's just the perfect size for first-time strap-on play. You can use it to master the basic skills before you move to the next level.

This kit also includes an interchangeable O-ring. It means you can use it with other adult products of different shapes and sizes to advance your play. This item is widely available online, so you can easily find it at any popular sex shop site.

Silhouette Underwear Style Harness

Do you wonder what it feels like to have a penis? Choose this underwear-style harness and try to wear it under your regular clothes for a few hours or a few days. This experience will help you imagine yourself as a person of another gender and explore the masculine side of your sexuality.

This underwear has o ring, so you can use it with your favorite vibrator or another device. This product is made of high-quality elastic materials, and you can be sure that it will not break in the most inappropriate moment.

Lillith Strap-On Harness - Oxblood

Is it important for you to look sexy all the time (especially when you are in bed with your lover)? If so, choose this eco-leather harness, and you will always feel beautiful and confident while having strap-on sex. 

This piece is just a perfect one for lesbian dating. It has an elegant design that highlights the beauty of the female body. It's exactly what you need to arouse your queer lover.

UTIMI Strap-On

Are you looking for a realistic dildo made of high-quality silicone? Look no further than this product. It has just a perfect texture and size - you will love it from the very first thrust. The chances are this toy will become your "best friend" who will take a special place in your house.

One of the best things about this product is that it comes with an elegant feminine laced band. The band accentuates curves and makes the wearer looks hot. The size of this item is adjustable, so you can use it in multiple ways, for instance, you can attach it to your knee.

PerfectFit Zoro Strap-On

Do you have negative attitudes toward realistic strap-ons or feel awkward using them? Try this product. This cool dildo looks nothing like a real penis, but it has an anatomical shape. The elasticized waistband ensures a stable fit and allows both partners to fully focus on the action. 

Fun Factory Strapless Strap-On Dildo

Once you reach the advanced level, try out this strapless strap-on.  If your internal muscles are strong enough, you will easily manage to keep the vibrating dildo "in place" while playing with your lover. The vibration will boost sensation and help you both climax at the same time.

Wrapping Up

Do the idea of strap-on sex feel weird and awkward to you? It always feels this way for the first-timers. But you can be sure that once you take your clothes off and put the dildo on, it all will happen naturally. If you do it with the right person, nothing can go wrong.

We hope this guide will help you choose the right adult products and reach the most intense orgasms ever. Stick to these ten steps and take your lesbian sex to the next level. 

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