Trans Loving Trans (t4t) – What is it? What does it mean?

Trans Loving Trans (t4t) is a term that is used to refer to transgender individuals who are either exclusively attracted to other trans people or non-cis individuals, or who prioritise their attraction to other trans individuals so that they can better relate to their partner.

T4T is a term that refers to transgender people who are only attracted to other trans people or other non-cis people. You may have seen it used in Craigslist personals and transgender dating sites. Here’s what the term means.

Terminology

Let’s begin at the very beginning and define some important terms. This will help you connect with the practice of T4T and why this attraction exists in the world.

T4T

T4T is a phrase commonly used in the queer community to describe the pursuit of a relationship between two transgender folks. It’s usually sexual, romantic, or both in nature. The key element is that both people are trans.

Transgender

A transgender or trans person is someone whose gender identity does not align with the sex they were assigned at birth.

Chaser

A word used to describe an individual who is attracted to trans individuals in a way that objectifies and fetishizes them. A chaser doesn’t see a trans individual as a whole person. Instead, they may fetishize certain physical attributes or just the idea of being with someone who is transgender.

Gender Identity

This is a person’s internal sense of their own gender.

Gender Expression

A term that describes the things an individual does to express their gender identity externally. They may do this through their clothing choices, hairstyle, mannerisms, or even interests.

Cisgender

A person whose gender identity is the same as the one they were assigned at birth.

AMAB or AFAB

This stands for assigned male at birth or assigned female at birth. This assignment is generally made based on the person’s primary sex traits (IE genitalia). Gender is assumed based on this assignment.

Nonbinary

An individual who has a gender identity that does not fall into the two binary categories of man or woman. They may identify as something between the two or unrelated to a binary classification at all.

Gender Dysphoria

A feeling of discomfort or distress when a person’s gender does not align with what they were assigned at birth.

Transphobia

Fear or hatred of people who identify as trans.

Passing

A word used to describe a trans person who is able to be perceived by others as the gender they identify with, because they successfully exhibit physical characteristics and mannerisms that align with expectations for that identity.

Intersex

Describes somebody who has biological characteristics that don’t fit neatly into the categories of male and female. Numerous conditions are categorized as intersex and might include external physical differences, chromosomal differences, or internal differences.

Ally/Advocate/Accomplice

Someone who is not part of a marginalized community, but works to assist that community. There is some controversy in using these terms as they are often self-assigned without adequate feedback or endorsement from community members.

Sexual Orientation

A phrase to describe the classifications of people that are the subjects of an individual’s sexual attraction.

History

The term T4T is relatively new, but there is a deep history behind its use that is based on more than a century of transgender folks’ lived experiences. The phrase T4T may be new, but there is a long history of people who have similar experiences around gender and sexuality seeking one another out for genuine empathy, safety, and connection.

Early History of Transgender Communities And Relationships

The term transgender did not exist prior to the 20th century. Despite that, many cultures throughout history have acknowledged gender diversity in some way. In many Indigenous cultures, people who did not fit neatly into masculine/feminine categories were referred to as two-spirit or another equivalent term. The community often accepted these individuals. At the same time, many sought out relationships with people who were also gender diverse.

Transgender Language And History in The Early 20th Century

The words transgender and transsexual were first recorded in the early to mid 1900s, mostly in a clinical context. As trans folks began to undergo processes of social and medical transition, their relationships with their community at large often changed. Many felt isolated and experienced ostracization or abuse. In order to fit into mainstream society, individuals often worked to conform to norms, and avoided relationships with other transgender people.

The LGBTQIA+ rights movement has evolved over time, but its roots began in the 1950s. The result of this movement has been a slow but steady increase in transgender visibility and the recognition of gender diversity. Over time, more people have identified publicly as transgender, and undergone the transition process – whatever that means for them. This has made it easier for trans people to find one another, and to form social relationships.

Unfortunately, cultural and societal acceptance hasn’t always evolved in a positive way. Transgender individuals have been stigmatized and pathologized. Anti-transgender bigotry has taken the form of legislation, fear-mongering, violence, and character assassination. Politicians and the media have both participated in this driven by a variety of motivations. Throughout history and even today, trans individuals have had to obscure their identities. This includes avoiding relationships or keeping those relationships secret.

In the 1980s and 1990s, there was an increase in transgender visibility. This was accompanied by a better understanding of gender identity. The International Foundation for Gender Education was started in the 1980s. Transgender Day of Remembrance was first celebrated in 1999. These movements led to a sense of trans solidarity, and empowered people who identified as trans to build communities together.

Once these communities formed, people in them began engaging more openly in relationships with people who had shared experiences. It was a natural evolution for many to connect with people who had also dealt with transition, identity struggles, dysphoria, and lack of empathy from friends or family.

There’s no precise history behind the term T4T. Most agree it probably emerged in the early 2000s, and was coined in online spaces that were accepting of trans folks. These have become safe spaces for trans people to interact with one another.

Over time, it has become more common for a trans person to seek out dating partners who better understand their life and experiences. The term T4T provides an accurate description of these relationships. It also aligns with popular vernacular in the queer community where terms such as WLW and M4M are used to describe relationships.

T4T is also associated with a desire to reject the traditional dynamics of heteronormative relationships. It is a recognition that people with the shared experiences of being trans often build unique lives together that include forms of intimacy that is unlike what is found in other relationships.

People often seek out T4T relationships to find mutual affirmation, empathy, and support. Transgender folks seek out other trans folks because they have shared experiences that can lead to deeper connections. This is not unique to any one demographic group. It’s quite common for people with similar experiences to seek one another out.

Many people seek out T4T relationships in response to threats, acts of violence, and fetishization they have experienced or witnessed. These relationships can offer the people in them a sense of authenticity, safety, and validation where they have not experienced that with cis people. It’s a way to counter the chaser dynamic or the potential of that dynamic.

T4T relationships also create a sense of empowerment and agency. When both people are trans, they don’t feel obligated to adhere to cisgender norms on intimacy and connection.

Intersectionality recognizes that people have complex identities. They aren’t defined solely by one aspect of that. Gender identity may intersect with sexuality, ability, class, or race. Because of this, some people may seek out love, acceptance, and solidarity in relationships that are intersectional. For example, a gay, trans man of color might seek the same because of a shared ethos of experiences and values.

While many people think primarily of trans individuals in these relationships, they may also include others. Gender non-conforming and non binary folks may view their relationships with transgender partners as T4T. This is the result of a growing knowledge of gender identity and broadening of the term to include non-binary, genderqueer, and genderfluid people.

As trans rights and identity has become a topic of conversation within and outside of the LGBTQIA+ community, the concept of T4T has gained more acceptance and greater visibility. Now, the term is more widely understood as representation increases. Many creators use the term T4T with the assumption that their audience will understand it. Also, writers such as Cameron Awkward Rich have created works that resonate with the strength of the trans community, and while not being specifically T4T is relevant to people in or pursuing those relationships. Other creators on social media platforms have also earned positive attention for the T4T community much like Cameron Awkward Rich.

Historically, trans people had to seek out connection and affirmation in limited and often secretive places where they were at high risk for exploitation. Sites like Craigslist personals provided a pathway for people to find one another, but very little in the way of safety. Still, that was what was available when there were no mainstream systems that treated this community with compassion, let alone met their needs. As flawed and risky as they were, these spaces enabled trans people to stand together while creating their own stories of love and intimacy.

Flag And Symbols

There are flags and symbols representing trans pride and solidarity that often have deep meaning for people pursuing T4T relationships. Many of these can be seen in June at Pride events.

This is a flag featuring pink, blue, and white stripes – colors that have become associated with trans experiences. It represents shared experiences and identities. It is particularly affirming for trans women as it represents resilience and self-love where the bodies of women are often commodified, objectified, and marginalized. The act of flying this flag, especially in places where marginalization is the norm, is a statement of revolution and visibility. This flag was made in June 1999 by Monica Helm.

Trans loving trans flag

An alternative Trans Loving Trans flag

Alternate t4t flag

The trans women loving (other) trans women flag

The trans women loving (other) trans women flag

The trans men loving (other) trans men flag

The trans men loving (other) trans men flag

Is a Trans 4 Trans Relationship Right For Me?

You may wonder if this kind of relationship dynamic is right for you. To know for sure, think about factors such as your age, comfort with your identity, and how you want your partner to integrate into your life. For example, will you share space or be physically intimate? While cis and trans people certainly form deeply bonded and mutually supportive relationships, you may feel more heard and valued in a relationship with another trans or nonbinary person.

There are communities, dating apps, and websites that make it easier for you to explore these connections. You can also benefit from reflecting on what you are looking for in a relationship and learning to communicate those needs effectively. Regardless of who you are pursuing, it may help to have a trusted friend serve as a sounding board, even something of an editor, as you seek to express those needs effectively. Also, consider a therapist to help you process your feelings and refine your perspective on love and romance.

How do I Support Someone Interested in T4T

To support someone who has expressed interest in T4T relationships start by listening and providing them with a safe, affirming space to express themselves. Most importantly, encourage them to explore communities that are supportive of them or that are tailored to their interests. It’s okay if you don’t fully understand, but save judgment for another topic. Your role is to uplift rather than critique or play editor to their narrative.

Practice open communication. Ask them how they are feeling or what they need from you. Be supportive when challenges arise. Help them deal with external pressures and doubts thoughtfully. Avoid being overprotective or engaging in behavior that takes away their agency and autonomy.

Acknowledge unique challenges they may face. For example, someone in a small conservative town may not have access to the same community resources a person from New York City does.

Gallery

Trans loving trans flag

Alternate t4t flag

The trans women loving (other) trans women flag

The trans men loving (other) trans men flag

t4t flag by Iangender

t4t-tlt flag by guiltyidealist