Top 10 Sexting Tips For Lesbians

Published 25.02.2022
14 min read
Julia Sotska

Oh, the world of sexy, dirty talk. If your idea of sexting boils down to old-school phone sex, we're here to break a few stereotypes. So, if you have yet to start sexting, trust us, you will by the time you're done reading this text. We have some playful tips for you to not only get through the global pandemic but also give a good chance to spice up your dating life for good! 

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This article focuses on lesbian sex, but you may be able to apply some of these tips to your relationship even if you do not identify as a sapphic woman. Yes, we know sending sexy texts to women or women-aligned individuals may have some intricacies. So, we'll do our best to give you all the tips for awesome naughty sexts. 

Expert Advice

Sexting is one of the best ways to personally imagine, communicate, connect, enjoy, get to know, and literally make your partner feel confident and attractive. A great sext can be a playful way to set the mood in your relationship. Phone sext can help people gain more confidence in the bedroom. A naughty sext can give your libido a run for its money. So, without further adieu, here is Taimi's lesbian chat expert advice. It guarantees to lead to:   

  • Improved sex life 

  • More confidence

  • Establishing boundaries 

  • Exploring your body

  • Get more casual dates

  • Learning more about your partner

Tip #1: Get consent

We cannot stress this enough on Taimi lesbian dating, you must always ask for permission before sending a casual sext, especially in the early stages. It is absolutely crucial to make sure the other person is up for all the dirty things! Remember, just because you are ready to send nudes or voice notes, the woman on the other end might want to start slow.

There are several ways to ask someone for consent before you sext them: 

  • Ask them straight up to describe what they are okay with

  • Slowly ease into it by sharing comments on fucking

  • Literally ask whether they are comfortable with a sext 

  • Check whether the person can sext during the course of the day

Remember, the girl may not be out of the closet; she may be at work or have other commitments. So, never assume that just because you are in the mood, the timing of your sext is right. Asking for permission is not that much different from actual intercourse in real life. Respect the other person's boundaries. 

Some of the things you can ask the girl of your sexual desires at the moment are: "Hey, how is your day? I cannot stop thinking of you!" or "Personally, I cannot wait to give you head but are you up for it?" or "I would love to show you what's under my dress" These can literally help you play up the naughty side and set the mood before asking the recipient to describe themselves or their feelings at the moment. This takes us to the next very important message: NEVER send unsolicited nude pictures. Although taking a photo of your ass may help them not to stop thinking of you, you both must agree to share NSFW content. Always be safe about your privacy as well as respect others' personal space. 

Tip #2: Privacy and Safety 

Now that you have your queer lover's permission to sext, there are a few other important things to consider before sending her a sext. We live in the digital age. Even though most apps and messengers have secure functions, nothing is 100% guaranteed. It is important to make sure your conversation is not only steamy but also safe, especially if one of you or both are still in the closet. 

Here are a few questions to ask yourselves:

  • "Is your phone passcode/Face ID/password protected?"

  • "Do you have separate folders for your nudes?"

  • "What about your message history? Do you delete it constantly?"

  • "Are you okay with screenshots?"

Asking yourself and your sexting partner these questions can help you have a better experience. A great tip is to turn off text previews or notifications, try sending messages to each other via an app like Taimi or encrypted messengers like Signal or WhatsApp. 

Tip #3: Establish the Rules

As said above, being on the same page when you sext while keeping privacy in mind is hugely important. So is, establishing the ground rules for you and your partner can go a long way too! Even though it may not seem as such, sexting is a sexual relationship. So, just like in a sexual relationship with a girl in real life, you'd have to talk things over when it comes to what you can and cannot do in the bedroom. It is important to be on the same page with your lady. 

Go in with a game plan for both of you. Some of the questions you may ask yourself and the other person may be: 

  • "Do you want to send voice messages?"

  • "Are partially nude photos okay?"

  • "Are you good with going full frontal?"

  • "What about sharing pictures and videos?"

All these are not only important in terms of sexting but also a great way to establish boundaries well ahead of your adventure. 

Tip #4: Don't Rush Things

This may seem self-explanatory, but just like fucking IRL, sexting may feel rushed. Some people are okay with it the first day they connect, while others need a bit of time to ease into it. Never assume the other person is just like you when talking about sexting. Even if they seem super turned on by you and your sweet nothings, that does not mean the girl of your dreams is ready for it. One of the best ways to find out is actually asking the other person since not all people feel comfortable doing it. Dr. Gina Senarighi, a queer relationship expert, says: "For some, sexting is still considered a super taboo practice. It requires us to 'tap in' to a certain level of communicative intimacy that some of us aren't comfortable with sharing," 

Listen to the girl, and if you cannot sense what the other person is feeling or cannot tell whether they find your jokes funny or not, it's probably too soon to jump into the whole sexting thing. Try chatting with the girl first, getting to know them, and describe how much you like them. Also, a great way to make you more confident is to let the sexual tension build up naturally. So, not rushing sexting can benefit your sexting relationship in the long run!

Tip #5: It's Okay to be Awkward 

We're not kidding here. It's totally fine to make weird comments! Trust us, trying way too hard to sound sexy may and often will come off super odd and at times quite uncomfortable. In fact, taking yourself too seriously while trying to describe how you would fuck someone may ruin the whole thing completely. 

Hear us out, sexting is a part of a game. It is supposed to be fun and easy to play. So, don't put too much pressure on yourself. Joking, flirting, wordplay, and even pictures are super helpful when it comes to sexting. Asking your partner questions about their likes and dislikes, telling them where you would kiss them, writing about their lips and your tongue can get you to the right stage in sexting with her.

Anything that puts folks in a vulnerable situation can make people feel uneasy. Do your best to release your inhibitions when sexting. Let your thoughts run wild. Imagine her fingers all over your body while writing a message. It's about being intuitive with a bit of creativity sprinkled. Don't be afraid to experiment with language and style to see what the other girl truly likes. Great sexts are just like great sex - it's all about what you and your partner enjoy most!

Tip #6: What Are Your Intentions? 

No, really, what are they? In today's world, sexting is no longer reserved for couples in long-term relationships. People sext each other on dating apps, Instagram DMs, via messengers, random people they have no intention of meeting IRL, and those they want to spend the rest of it with. So, being clear about your intentions is key when it comes to sexts. 

Dr. Emily Stasko, a clinical psychologist, says: "Some people sext for pleasure and some people sext for other reasons," such as to please their partner or to make themselves feel better. Those motivations do seem to affect whether sexting is good or bad for their sexual and relationship satisfaction."

So, being clear on your motivations seems to be quite important in sexting. Be mindful of what you're seeking. Whether serious long-term relationships or something extremely casual? Do you just want to masturbate with someone remotely during the lockdown or actually have sex with them?

Setting your priorities can help you have a much better sexting experience. Remember, sometimes sexting can lead to a great sexlife with the person, but sometimes it's a hit and miss. It may be all about putting your relationship anxiety to ease and maintaining a healthy balance of tease and flirtation. It may not be either of the two and just a great way to express your desires with someone. Sexting has to be fun regardless of what your intentions are. It has to be safe, secure, and not cause either of the parties any stress. 

Tip #7: Don't Be Afraid to Ask Questions

We've talked about asking questions more than once, but seriously, asking questions can get you the answers you're longing for. Whether you're asking questions as part of your sexy texts routine or just in general, this action can help you learn more about your girl. Some of the questions to ask your girl are:

  • "How do you like to play in bed?"

  • "What is your safe word?"

  • "Can I bite your bottom lip?"

A simple tell me about your likes in the bedroom can open a Pandora's box of information. You can always turn to the classics like: 

  • "What are you wearing?", " cannot touch your soft skin" or "what would you like me to do to you?"Some of these questions may help you learn the language your partner finds sexy. At the end of the day, you want to know what turns them on. People like different things in the bedroom, so describing sex may be different for everyone. Finding out what the other person finds hot may help you improve your sexting skills. Think about how people describe their bodies, especially if your partner identifies differently than yourself. You may want to ask them what is comfortable for them to say and what is off-limits. Remember, language carries weight, especially when you are talking about someone else's body. Making sure you use the right terms not to trigger any gender dysphoric feelings and keep your partner feeling sexy is crucial. People prefer certain language when it comes to their bodies. Not all women or women-aligned people use the word boobs, and some may say breasts, chest, tits, you get the idea here. Also, you may refer to your pussy as such, but someone else may call it a cunt or an entirely different word that they like.

Having these types of conversations is always extremely important for queer people and LGBTQ+ bodies. Making sure you use the right language can make the other person feel not only horny but also appreciated. After all, you do not want to offend someone so being very clear and inclusive in your sexting language is just as hot. 

Sexting is an intimate process that can make people feel vulnerable and open. So, allowing yourself to play by sharing the terms you like and asking the other person about their names can make this process enjoyable and super fun!

Tip #8: Customize Your Dictionary

Start by turning off autocorrect. Seriously, you'd be surprised how many people forget to do this before going on a hot sexting adventure with a new girl. 

Autocorrect is a prude! It always changes sexual words, not to mention LGBTQ+-related terminology. So unless you want to see yourself duck all the time, add custom ones to your dictionary. Spell check can do so many great things but make sure you have all your sexy LGBTQ+ terminology added to your dictionary before sending a hot text to your lover. 

Another great thing you can do is get yourself equipped with hot phrases and icebreakers to use. There is plenty to dig up online when it comes to sexy things to say to your lover. You can also add your own that you think will do wonders. Think about the key phrases that turn you on and questions that your partner may find super hot. Also, adding a few statements about your body can take the conversation to a whole new level. 

Dr. Gina Senarighi, psychotherapist and relationship coach, says: "You don't have to formally "prepare," of course, but it's nice to have a few sexy things to pull out when you need to. "You can say 'that's hot, tell me more,' 'tell me what's next," or even simply, 'say more,' which can help keep the energy flowing if you don't want to drop the ball." 

Tip #9: Go Beyond Words

Yes, asking questions is great but don't just ask questions. There are so many ways to have a fun, flirty conversation without using words at all. If you're stuck on asking questions, try using emojis. They are a great way to spice things up without typing a single letter! Hey, people rarely send hand-written letters these days. Granted, we're all for a loving hand-written note, but the reality is - most of us text. 

Emojis offer so many sexual innuendo options. Think beyond the peach and a kitten face. There are tons of different emojis to symbolize all sorts of things and keep the girl guessing. So many fun ways to keep the sexting process easy-going and exciting for the two of you. Emojis are also great 'cause they can mean something completely unique to the two of you. Truly sexy and safe way to keep things exciting while your partner is at work. Emojis can be a strategic way to say what you want to say without saying it. Think about all the options you have! 

Emojis are not the only way to express your hottest desires without words. You can always use video or audio messages and photos. Now, remember the part about rules and consent? If all is in order, you can send your sexting partner a quick audio recording of you moaning or a video of you touching yourself, or a video and audio of you masturbating and coming? The options are endless!

Tip #10: Practice Makes Perfect

Just like with everything in life, practice, practice, practice. No, we truly mean it. When it comes to sexting, do not be afraid to try new things, learn new words, add new phrases, explore yourself and your partner. It's all about going beyond the comfort zone and enjoying sexual relations in their different forms. 

Granted, just like with sex IRL, you have to be mindful of the other person unless you're masturbating by yourself. If the girl is responding with fun and sexy answers, then great, but if they are not reciprocating your attempts, then maybe you should stop sexting and try again later. If that does not work - ask her whether she wants to continue sexting or not. Sometimes people can be shy or busy or unable to respond - factor that in, and don't let it discourage you. But, as we've said above many times, make sure you're not stepping over any boundaries and personal lines. 

Sexting is a craft to be mastered. There is a lot to be said about the many hours of sexts a person can spend. It takes time to learn the art of it. Some take a few minutes, while others will have to take their whole lives to learn to send more than just nudes. Whether you're sending love poems or dirty texts with nudes and videos to add - that's up to you. Just like with any sexual act, your partner has to be into it. So, pay attention to them. Reciprocate their efforts and put in just as much if not more effort into your steamy messages. 

Some of the things to keep in mind when it comes to great sexts: 

  • Ask questions 

  • Learn what turns your partner on

  • Personalize sexts

  • Be creative 

  • Practice

Once you've mastered the craft of sexting, your relationship or whatever else you call it may go to a whole new level. Encourage each other to explore your bodies. Try reading erotica and stories that can inspire you to write better texts. Explore your fantasies as well as the fantasies of your partners. Oh, and never forget about the good old-fashioned dirty talk. Mind and word stimulation can do wonders! 

The Takeaway

Lesbian sexting is as much about turning yourself on as your partner. Nowadays, human beings are more attached to their phones than ever. The global pandemic has certainly introduced so many changes into people's daily lives. For months, even years now, people are in isolation, working remotely, losing a real connection with one another. Sexting is a great way to keep the "real" connection going. It is great for preventing the spread of the coronavirus while enjoying sex with someone. Long-distance relationship is now a more prevalent thing than ever, and more and more queer couples meet each other thanks to online dating apps. So, sexting can keep the relationship going despite the distance in between. 

Whether you are exploring serious long-term relationships or just a short, fun sexting stinge, it can be a seriously sexy way to be vulnerable with someone else. Sexting can open so many new options for you and your body. It sure is a healthy exchange of emotion and feelings with someone. Again, we cannot stress that all of this has to be in a consensual manner between adults. Sexting is a unique experience, just like sex. These are just some of the tips to help you enjoy it to the fullest. Ultimately, it is up to you to make this experience enjoyable for you and your sexting partner!


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Julia Sotska is a former Senior PR Manager at Taimi. She hails from Toronto, Canada where she studied Communications and Journalism Broadcasting. Julia is an experienced journalist, TV producer, editor and communications manager. Her work has been featured in prominent publications in Canada, the United States, Australia, the United Kingdom, and more. Julia is passionate about LGBTQ+ and disability rights, mental health, wellness, and parenthood.

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