A Woman Loving Another Woman - It's All About Freedom

Last Updated 19.03.2022
12 min read

In 2016, the movie "Carol" was released, based on a novel by Patricia Highsmith, titled The Price of Salt. it was a bit autobiographical because Highsmith herself had been involved with an older woman earlier in her life. 

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The plot involves a chance meeting between an aspiring young photographer and an older wealthy woman going through a divorce after years of a loveless marriage. The two begin an affair, and Carol has the emotional support and friendship she has so longed for. And, yes, the kissing, the holding, the cuddling, and the sex.

Female Friendship is Complicated

Almost every woman will say that they have one female friend with whom they share everything - someone who is supportive, encouraging, and who will be there in any crisis. Interesting. This is exactly what heterosexual couples should be for each other. The additional caveat of that heterosexual relationship is sex.

But what happens when the emotional attachment with a partner or husband wanes or is lacking? it does happen. In ideal marriages and partnerships, couples are best friends as well as lovers. They share goals, struggles, their innermost thoughts, and support one another throughout all. But such a heterosexual relationship with a husband or partner does not always exist.

And so, women will look to other women or close friends, for validation and support. And that can easily morph into a sexual relationship if each woman experiences sexual desire through their physical closeness - kissing, hugging, and their bodies in contact. This does not mean that a woman will become an immediate full lesbian or that a friend will become a sexual partner. Many actually remain bisexual, enjoying sex with both genders and exploring their sexuality with friends and strangers.

Sexual Fluidity is Common

For many lesbian women, sexual desire can go both ways. At times, they are sexually attracted to men because they want the feeling of penetration of a real penis and the other physical contact with male body parts. At other times, she has a desire for oral sex/other sexual acts that other women provide.

When women are sexually fluid, they are not monogamous, of course. In fact, many fluid women enjoy the variety of multiple sex partners, just as their hetero counterparts do. Today, it's all good. Both casual and serious relationships are fine in a sexually fluid world.

For a woman who has only had sex with guys, the idea of being attracted to other women may at first feel awkward. If this sounds like you, then it's time to learn about what you will probably experience. Not to worry. This guide will help move you through the process of hooking up with another woman and having an enjoyable and satisfying encounter.

Your Guide to Woman-on-Woman Lovemaking

If you and another woman are already mutually attracted to one another, then you can skip the first part of this guide, because you are not looking, and you know the attraction is real. For all others, start at the top.

Check Yourself - How Do You Know?

What made you decide that you have a sexual attraction to women? Sometimes, it happens when a woman sees lesbian sex in a magazine or film and feels sexual arousal. From this point, she begins to look at other women differently. It may be time to experiment and explore.

Finding That Possible Partner

So, you may need some dating tips here. Where do you find someone? And once you do, how do you approach them, set a meetup, and then move forward if you think the girl is right for you?

Where to Look?

There are digital and physical sources for you to make contact.

Plenty of lesbian hookup websites and lesbian dating apps operate just like any other dating or matching site. Some of the largest and most reputable matching sites offer matching services of all types, hetero and LGBTQ. The point is to use a reputable site so that you are safe. A fee will be involved. Pay it.

You can find local LGBTQ organizations that hold events. You can visit an LGBTQ bar and strike up conversations with one or two women there. It may be awkward at first, you will be a bit nervous, but you'll get better with a few sessions like this.

If someone shows an interest, and you feel the same, maybe exchange phone numbers or arrange a date. Right now, you have interest, but dating will tell if that interest may turn into more. On the other hand, you might fall for this person immediately. It happens. Rachel Maddow, the host of her own cable news show, states that when her partner, an artist who was earning extra money through landscaping, showed up at her front door, the sensual and emotional attraction was immediate, right at that moment. Neither one of them ever looked back.

Be Patient

You are interested in someone. Now it's time to find out if you are compatible. One of the most important dating tips is that you girls get to know each other in different environments. Try a dinner, a concert, a picnic, or, if both of you enjoy the outdoors, fishing, hiking, biking, etc. If you are both still interested and still attracted, it's time to move forward. Share a kiss, hold hands, caress - all of these things you can do without getting between the sheets. This increases the anticipation of what is to come.

Getting Between the Sheets

If this is your first lesbian sex experience, you may have some fear. It will be important to spend some time just exploring each other's body until you are both comfortable and aroused. Then, "let the games begin." Lesbian sex is primarily manual and oral unless you have decided to incorporate toys. They're fun too.

Once you are both aroused, find her g-spot and let her find yours. this will increase arousal even more. Begin oral stimulation with a kiss or a nibble on the nipples, and then by licking and sucking on each other's clitoris. Orgasm may occur quickly if there has been enough foreplay.

One key factor is this: Another woman may not be aroused in the same way as you. But that's part of the great play that can go on. You both can explore and experiment, talk each other through what turns you on, and remember that anything you both want is okay. Lesbian sex should be rules-free.

Fact: If you are not schooled on the location of the G-spot, you will find it about two inches up the center of the vagina, and when aroused, it becomes softer than the rest of that vagina. But there are actually 5 pleasure spots located in and around the vagina. These are identified and described by sexologist Cari O'Neal, who states, "Physical arousal, sex, and associated pleasures can be very technical. If you want to understand them, you must be able to break them down.”

Monogamous, or No?

Once you have experienced lesbian sex with one woman, and you continue that relationship, eventually you may find that you are totally in love and want to be monogamous. Women in this position "hang up their hats" and love only one person for many years, even decades.

Another girl who has discovered her lesbian sexuality may not want a single partner at all. She will want sexual play with lots of other women, or she may identify as bisexual. The beauty in all of this is every person can decide for herself about her own sexuality and how she's going to act on it. Typically, she will not choose to engage a friend, because that relationship has too many ties.

Frequent and non-committed hookups are right for women who want a single lifestyle. The only piece of advice to such a girl? Be certain that you and your partners practice safe sex and get tested on a regular basis.

The point? Identify who you are and what you want in a lesbian or bi world. Date until you find the one or hook up with any female to whom you are attracted right now. Freedom in sexuality is a beautiful part of our modern world. And every woman should know that she's a part of that freedom.

Help for the Newbie

A woman has discovered that she is sexually attracted to one or more females or to women in general. She's struggling with this new sign that she may just be a lesbian or at least bi. She's nervous; she feels that a large part of who she was (heterosexual) is being challenged; she now has to re-think all that she thought she knew about herself.

If you are going through this, relax and take a deep breath. It's not a life-threatening condition. It is life-changing, though, and you need to know how to move forward. For this, you may need some help. And you can find it in any number of places.

Online Sources

If you simply Google LGBTQ support, you will find thousands of sites, forums, and chat groups that address all different things related to this community. Explore, ask questions, and get insights and advice from those who have been in your situation. You'll discover that these communities are welcoming, supportive and judgment-free. Join one or two groups that you feel comfortable with and be completely honest about where you are in your journey, from the first sign to the present.

There are also online sex therapists, and they can provide help and support for any mental and emotional issues you may be having. There are usually fees involved, but if you are serious about this exploration and your feelings, it may well be worth the cost

If and when you are ready to meet potential lesbian partners, join a reputable matching site and seek out one or two women for a date. You may even find them through the websites and chat rooms you are accessing.

Offline Resources

There are LGBTQ support groups all over the place. They hold regular meetings, in person or even on Zoom during these COVID times and for those who are not geographically close enough. You may be nervous about participating in person, but you will soon lose that. During these meetings, people share their experiences, joys, and challenges, and you will find it easy to share yours too.

If you have a smart TV and/or phone, rent a video or two and take in all that lesbian couples do during their lovemaking. It will be very different from the sex of heterosexual relationships, and you will learn the techniques of mutual stimulation, pleasure, and orgasm. Watching a video may turn you on as well. Go with it and try the manual techniques on yourself. And, once you find your first partner or hookup, you might want to watch a video together - that can be lit.

Let's Talk About the Emotional/Physical Combo

Not too long ago, well-known author Elizabeth Gilbert divorced her husband of many years - an Argentine businessman with whom she often said gave her the best lovemaking she had ever experienced in her life. She left him for her best friend, fellow author, and very public lesbian, Rayya Elias. Her reason? She fell in love. Had she loved her husband? Yes. And this happens to many as they move through life. They were born and bred for heterosexual relationships, only to find out that they can experience the same emotional and physically sensual connections to women as well. In Gilbert's case, she formally divorced her husband once it was discovered that Rayya had cancer. In her words, "I do not merely love Rayya, I am in love with Rayya. And I have no more time for denying that truth. The thought of someday sitting in a hospital room with her, holding her hand and watching her slide away without ever letting her (or myself!) know the extent of my true feelings for her — well, that was unthinkable." Rayya died in 2018. What this quote demonstrates is tenderness, words of deep love. And many women do not get this type of impassioned bonding with their male partners.

When spiritual bonding happens, the sensual pleasure of sex can almost become secondary to feelings. Or, in the case of so many women who have found love with other women, it serves to enhance the physical pleasure of the sex.

For many women, then, the emotional bond and the sensual pleasure seem to be all wrapped up together, in a beautiful package that they may or may not have received from a man.

Are there women who are solely focused on sexual satisfaction? Of course, just as many straight and gay men are. And this is okay, so long as it is all they are seeking. Typically, they will not select a best friend for their romps, because there is a warm and tender tie to them. And also typically, these women will be happy with multiple partners at the same or different times, maybe male or female. Again, there are just no rules. The old idea of love, marriage, partnerships with husbands, or a single other is just not relevant today. Women can have friends, lovers, one-night stands, or anything in between, and it's all good. Finally, we are over these cheugy notions.

Human sexuality is quite powerful, whether between heterosexual, gay, lesbian, bisexual, or any other couple types. And that sexuality can mean a relationship built on the soft and tender intimacy of a friendship, on sensual pleasure, or both. Whether couples are married or not doesn't matter; whether a kiss leads to a romp in bed doesn't matter; whether a gay man or lesbian woman has encounters outside of being traditionally married doesn't matter. Freedom in sexuality is finally here for everyone. You have to answer one question only - what do you want? And once you answer that question, you should feel totally free to pursue your preferences. Today, women have as much freedom, equality, and independence as men when it comes to sex.

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