Taimi
Does the nature of your intimate relationships with other women fly counter to the typical monogamous relationship? If it does, you aren't alone. Today, more women are embracing non-traditional relationship models. As a result, lesbian polyamory is becoming more widespread and gaining more acceptance.
However, it isn't easy to have multiple partners. The logistics alone are challenging. Then there's the other "stuff" that goes along with that. You'll also have to deal with assumptions about your relationship style, most likely from more than one person who has bought into prevailing myths about polyamorous relationships.
Lesbians tend to form close social circles that may last for decades. Additionally, they often remain close friends with the people they date. Both of these things can make poly relationships and dating a natural progression of their current situations. Think of it this way, if you've been dating or hanging out with the same three people since college, forming a dating circle doesn't seem that weird. Does it?
If you are a lesbian who chooses polyamorous relationships because you are concerned your partner will cheat otherwise, that's a bad idea. It's also a bad idea if you are being pressured into an open relationship. Involving other people in your relationships won't fix any problems. Instead, you will quickly find that this just makes things more complex and contentious.
Let's be clear. You don't owe anybody justifications or explanation about your polyamorous relationships. It is not your job or responsibility to educate people either. There are plenty of resources for people who are genuinely curious to learn about lesbian polyamory.
That said, if you do choose to educate people who you care about, that's a good thing. Misconceptions about polyamory don't always come from a malicious place. Some people are genuinely concerned if a bit misled. If you have the energy to be a source of information and education on polyamorous relationships between women, here are some myths to address.
First, who on earth has the energy for that? Of course, this isn't true! First, having multiple partners doesn't mean that group sex is a thing. Second, even if a polyamorous relationship does involve sexual experiences with multiple partners, these most likely don't rise to the level of orgies. Remember that an orgy is often indiscriminate. Polyamorous relationships are absolutely intentional and defined by boundaries.
It may surprise you to learn that many women who have multiple sexual partners within the confines of a polyamorous relationship actually do consider themselves to be monogamous. Others subscribe to the idea of ethical non monogamy. This allows people to have multiple sexual partners as long as they are open, honest, and treat people with empathy.
This notion isn't entirely mythic. Many lesbians do have a strong attraction to traditional sexual and romantic relationships. It isn't unusual for lesbians to return to a monogamous relationship with one partner after experiencing an open or poly relationship. However, this choice should be interpreted as shame or regret over experiencing polyamory.
This may not be a myth that is worth the energy to counter. The reality is that there are people who see anything other than a closed relationship with two people as cheating. You won't be able to convince them that other relationship styles are valid.
It may be better to focus on the fact that people get to define the parameters of their relationships. One lesbian couple may decide that even flirting is a violation. The primary couple in a polycule may be perfectly fine with one another taking on new sexual partners.
Polyamory is a reference to love. It does not have to be defined by sex. That said, it is fairly common for polyamorous relationships to involve sexual contact between some if not all of the people involved in some way. Still, this is a broad term and might include non-sexual or romantic bonds. Additionally, many polyamorous people have deeply personal and loving relationships with their other partners.
Ultimately the poly people are regular human beings with the same emotions, hang-ups, and trauma responses as monogamous people. Any time there are people, relationships, love, and sex involved there is a chance of there being jealousy. Ideally, people who choose polyamory are able to communicate and relate to each other in healthy ways. Still, it's wrong to assume that lesbians who are poly are so evolved that nobody becomes jealous.
Whether you are just starting an open relationship or have had multiple relationships that are poly, you may struggle to navigate your romantic life. As satisfying and genuine as these relationships can be they are also complex. It takes a lot of work to protect your own interests while also behaving ethically towards the women you are having a relationship with.
If polyamory is an interest or you are already dating several partners as part of a larger dating circle, keep reading. These tips will help you enjoy being personally and sexually fulfilled while maintaining healthy boundaries.
Polyamory is a blanket term. Poly people structure their relationships with one another in a variety of ways. Different people within a polycule may have a range of relationships and obligations to one another. It's important to know the type of relationship you've agreed to as well as where you stand in relationship to all of the other poly people that you are connected with.
Here is just one example. You and your primary partner agree to have an open relationship. Both of you are free to date and have sex with other people. You may date someone your partner doesn't know and vice versa. Meanwhile, the two of you may also mutually develop an attraction and romantic feelings for the same woman. She becomes your third and both of you form a committed relationship with her.
Why is it important to have these things so well-defined? This helps you to manage your expectations of these relationships and to ensure that you aren't inadvertently causing distrust or hurt feelings. You can avoid jealousy and infighting if each person dating or in a relationship with you is very clear about what to expect.
Your polycule might have three people or it might have 20. Every person involved has the right to establish boundaries and so do you. Being in a polyamorous circle doesn't obligate them to be interested in you or you in them. Also, if you are only interested in dating people who agree to engage in or avoid certain behaviors that is also your right. Fortunately, as our sexual views evolve as a society most people are becoming better educated about all forms of consent and respect.
Before you get involved with dating more than one partner, do a gut check. What are you okay with? What aren't you okay with? Then, make sure you check in with each person you are involved with. Let them know their boundaries matter to you, and you will start off on the right foot.
This is your life. Stop worrying about how other people feel. Don't waste time shaming yourself about your preferences. Live your life how you want, as long as you aren't hurting anybody. It's okay to choose a path that leaves you sexually and emotionally satisfied.
Polyamory isn't necessarily for everybody. It doesn't make you a prude or mean that you are sexually repressed. You should be able to enter into any dating situation you want of your free will and be able to leave just as easily. If you are ever concerned about being able to walk away from a situation, that's probably unhealthy for you in the first place. You are better off dating and having fun until you find a person or persons that are compatible with you.
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