Demiromantic - What is it? What does it mean?

Terminology

The term demiromantic is an adjective. According to a Word Sense dictionary the word stands for: 

“Romantically attracted to people only after forming deep emotional bonds”

Demiromantic folks are on the asexual/aromantic spectrum. This means that they only feel romantic attraction to anyone only in certain situations. For demiromantics, developing a deep emotional connection is a must in order to be attracted to a potential partner. 

That said, an emotional connection does not mean that a person will fall in love with them. Demiromantic persons can enjoy the idea of romance with their crushes, but the difference is that their crushes are not strangers. They object of demiromantic desires is typically a person from their life with whom they have formed a connection with. 

Demiromantic as an Orientation

Demiromantic can be a romantic orientation on its own. Some people in the ace community may combine it with other orientations. There are people who may be demiromantic and homoromantic at the same time. This means they experience romantic attraction only to close friends who are of the same sex. There are also heteromantic demiromantic folks who feel romantic attraction to people opposite of their gender identity. 

It is very important to highlight the fact that the definition of demiromantic does not include the stereotypical romantic attractions to friends, sexual partners, or other people. It is not like a light switch that goes off to start liking someone. 

The term basically excludes the possibility of a relationship unless there is a formed close emotional bond between future partners first. For example, a demiromantic person will only be able to feel romantic attraction to anyone if there is an already formed and established relationship. 

Demiromantic people may enjoy sex with new partners but they will not have a romantic feeling towards them.  

History

The word demiromantic goes back to 2008. According to several online resources, the Asexual Visibility and Education Network or AVEN coined a similar term demisexual at around the same time. 

Aromantic, heteroromantic, homoromantic are all based on romantic attraction rather than the sexual attraction between people. 

Demi in Latin means divided in half. Since demiromantic is somewhere between aromantic and romantic the term resonated for many people who are on the spectrum. 

Differences

Demiromantic Vs Demisexual

One of the most common terms demiromantic gets confused with is demisexual. It is indeed possible for someone to be both demisexual as well as demiromantic. 

Demiromantic individuals can and often do experience sexual attraction to other people. They can only experience romantic feelings for people they have a deep bond with. That bond or connection may take months or even years to build. 

Demisexuality is on the asexuality spectrum. Asexual people typically do not feel sexual attraction. Demisexual people can develop romantic feelings for other folks. That means that they can only feel sexual attraction towards deeply connected partners. 

Flag & Symbols

Flag

Demiromantic flag typically features four colors. They are white, grey, green, and black. The most common flag for demiromantic people is based on the aromantic pride flag.

The meaning of the colors is up for debate, but many describe the thick white stripe as sexuality, agender identity as well as being outside the male-female binary. The grey strip stands for grey aromanticism as well as the asexuality spectrum, the black for sexuality, and the green represents demiromanticism as a whole.

Demiromantic flag

There is an alternate flag version featuring a yellow stripe. The flag is very similar in design to the most commonly used demiromantic flag.

Alternate demiromantic flag

Another version that can be found online is a flag that features five horizontal stripes. Its colors remain green, grey, white, and black. They describe the same ideals as the most commonly used demiromantic flag.

Alternate demiromantic flag

Symbol

There is a symbol representing demiromantic orientation. It is not necessarily representative of all demiromantic people. The symbol is a black and white heart that is somewhat similar to the symbol for demisexual people. They use a circle with a black part to symbolize their sexual orientation. 

Demiromantic symbol

Pronouns

Demiromantic people can be of many different genders and any sexual orientation. They may use gendered pronouns like he/him or she/her. Some demiromantics may use they/them or pronouns that are gender neutral like xe/xem or ze/zir. It is always important to use inclusive language. Share your pronouns first and ask a person about their preferred pronouns. Never assume someone’s gender based on their romantic or sexual orientation or gender expression. 

How to Know If You Are Demiromantic?

There is no right or wrong way to be a demiromantic individual. Some people realize fairly early on that they are demiromantic, others take years to understand the intricacies of their romantic attraction to people. 

A demiromantic often likes physical affection. So, if you enjoy cuddling, hugging, touching, even having sex with someone you may still be demiromantic if you do not feel romantically attracted to the person without truly getting to know them first. 

Demiromantic people feel attraction only in particular situations. Think about the people you tend to be attracted to. 

• Are they your friends, colleagues, coworkers? 
• Are you interested in platonic relationships? 
• Are you the type of person that prefers to take their time in new relationships? 
• Do you avoid speed dating, blind dates, or dating in general? 

If you’ve answered yes to these questions, you may be a demiromantic. Some demiromantics take a long time to trust people, so they may appear cold and untrusting early in relationships. 

Remember that coming out as a demiromantic person is your decision. It should not be forced upon by anyone. If you want to share the news about your romantic orientation with friends, family, coworkers, or colleagues please make sure to do it in a safe way.

Demiromantic Relationships 

Being demiromantic is different for every demiromantic person out there. Some experience romantic attraction earlier than others. There are many demiromantic folks that enjoy going out and dating. 

Many demiromantics only date people they have a certain emotional relationship with like close friends. Some avoid romantic relationships altogether because they are unable to experience attraction in traditional forms. There are those that do not talk about their desire for the fear of rejection. 

This does not mean that demiromantic people cannot form relationships. In fact, there are many who have meaningful and long-lasting relationships. The important thing to keep in mind is to seek relationships that are fulfilling, healthy and happy. 

Supporting Demiromantic People

Being demiromantic may seem like something new and unfamiliar. It is important to educate yourself as well as others on demiromanticism. 

You can start by doing some of the following to showcase your support for demiromantic folks: 

• Raise awareness of aromanticism, asexuality, demiromanticism as well as demisexuality
• Find organizations that work with demiromantic people
• Join online groups and forums that raise issues that demiromantic people face
• Wave the demiromantic flag during pride season, and throughout the year. 

Gallery

There are many demiromantic flag designs available on the internet. Among them are these alternate versions:

Demiromantic flag by tiktok user flamingolover24

Alternate demiromantic flag

Demiromantic Asexual Pride Flag:

Demiromantic Asexual Pride Flag