Other than hyper-sexualization by (mostly) straight men, the thought of being in a serious and committed relationship with a trans woman might be inconceivable to most people. According to a Canadian study, 87% of people, including those from the LGBT community, will refuse to date trans women. Often crudely described as an acquired taste, people do not respect such a woman.
In addition, being a trans woman will significantly shrink your dating pool. While the dating reality of trans women might be harsh and unforgiving, there are numerous facts that people forget about them.
Trans Dating Etiquette
If you’re going to date a trans woman, there are several things you ought to have in mind. They will help you create a baseline of respect and a channel of communication. Some of the basics of trans women dating include;
1. Do Not Assume that All Trans Women Share a Body Type or Personality
It is rude and stereotypical to assume that all trans women will have the same body. It’s wrong to have a fixed idea of what a woman should be, what trans beauty is, and how a trans woman should behave. Realizing that being transgender means different things to different women is important. You can be attracted to a trans woman for more than her physical attributes.
2. They are Not a Search Engine – Please Read
While curiosity is natural and highly appreciated, it is crucial to establish a limit to when it becomes intrusive and offensive. Straight men tend to treat their dates like a sort of information hub for trans women, and in the process disregard the essence of their date. You are together because you want to know them as a person and potential partner. They are not a resource extension to the trans community. If you want more information, do your research before you meet. There are hundreds of relevant resources on the internet and in your local library that you could use.
3. It Is a Normal Date
Dating trans women is not that different from being with cis women. When you’re on a date, make sure your conversations are appropriate to the setting. Take an interest in her life, about the things she likes or her dreams and ambitions. Remember to compliment her too.
If you’re having trouble knowing the lines, ask yourself whether you would ask your questions to a cis woman. If the answer is no, then you shouldn’t bring them up. If you feel uncertain, ask her to lead the conversation until you find your footing. This is a good option for straight people who are yet to understand how trans dating works.
4. Understand the Difference between Gender and Sexuality
It’s very important to know the difference between sexuality and gender, especially if you’re straight and want to dive into the trans dating world head first. Dating a trans girl has no influence on your sexuality. Straight men tend to use this as a gauge for their sexuality when in fact, it is a wrong assumption. Likewise, any lesbians who are attracted to a trans woman do not “become bi”. Being attracted to a trans woman does not help to affirm your sexuality. It just means you like women.
However, there’s a lot of stigma around straight men attracted to trans women, and they might get a lot of unsolicited opinions regarding their sexuality. A guy dating a trans woman can go through quite a lot of scrutiny. Please understand that dating a trans woman does not affect her sexuality or your own. In addition to knowing the difference, you have to respect her sexuality as well. Do not offer to introduce them to other gay men you think might be a good match.
5. She’s Not a Secret
Because of societal pressure, most men will opt to keep their women a secret. Although they are trying to avoid the stigma, trans women deserve the attention that other women get. Treat them with tender love and affection, take them on dates, and don’t be afraid to show them off.
Trans visibility offers a safe space where it can be easier to foster acceptance, and it is disrespectful to treat a trans woman as a secret.
6. Watch Your Compliments
While every woman wants to be flattered and showered with compliments, be very careful about how you compliment trans women. Avoid saying such things as “you don’t look trans.” backhanded compliments are not as cute as many guys think.
Keep in mind that she’s not trying to trick anyone, and it would be great if you saw her as the woman she is. However, you can compliment her beauty, bravery, and transition journey.
7. Trans is Not a Personality
There is more to a woman than her transition. Sure, it’s great to recognize and appreciate her journey, but what else do you like about her? If you take away her sexuality, how else would you define your date?
Straight people tend to overlook so much by choosing to only focus on the physical body and sexuality.
8. Respect Goes a Long Way
From the experience of most trans women, being liked by straight men does not automatically translate to a respectful, healthy relationship. You’ll find that most of the men attracted to trans girls are not kind, and they’ll want you to do things they see in porn. Sadly, sometimes men are only attracted to trans women because of what they have been led to believe by deceptive porn sites. They are more than porn categories, treat them as such and assume porn is inaccurate.
As a woman, it’s crucial to have high self-esteem, self-worth, and high regard for your time if you choose to actively get into the dating world. While the sexcapades might be great, it is important to always go for a date who will treat you with basic human respect and care you deserve as a woman. They should be kind with both their words and actions. Stop any contact with anyone who sees you as an erotic fetish.
9. Have Her Back
The world is a very cruel place, and it might get worse if you are a trans woman or if you’re attracted to one. People are not usually kind to trans people, especially trans women. They might say or try to do hurtful things.
It’s important to always have her back in such instances, even when the disrespect is minor or they are getting passive-aggressive treatment. Your woman might not be accepted everywhere you go, and no matter how often this happens, it really helps if you stick to their side.
10. Changed Dating Pool
If you were seen as gay before your transition, you might have trouble explaining to people why you can’t date gay guys anymore. Technically, there’s a simple explanation of how a gender preference will change in such a situation, but most people don’t care to understand.
Your date pool switches completely! You’ll see that although you might be into guys, you don’t want a guy who prefers dating another man. Likewise if you are into women, they will have to be sapphic otherwise it is a romantic dead end.
Dating as a Trans Woman
Although your dating experiences are significantly dependent on who you date, there are numerous things that would enhance your love life and help you choose better partners. You can go about it differently.
Based on those who you’ve dated before, would you like to have a similar experience in the future? Did you like how the people you dated treated you? It’s crucial to bid your time as you search for potential partners, and weigh your options before you dive head first.
You can save time by disclosing before a first date, or before you get too invested in the talking stage. This way, they won’t have an excuse to feel tricked or misled, and you don’t have to be anxious about disclosing. A man might be into you, but they might be put off by your gender history. If a guy is still interested, then you’ll know he truly likes you.
Apply the trans filter if you’re on the apps. You’ll find this feature to be tremendously effective in saving you the effort to find a decent match. You’ll only speak to profiles who are interested in trans women. You can change your filters as you see fit.
Conclusion
We’ve all dated horrible people, but such experiences help us become better people. It also becomes easier to search for a date and companionship, because you’ll know what you don’t want. Regardless of who we’ve dated, there is always a chance of finding the perfect date who will treat you with the adoration and attention you deserve. However, the search must first happen within ourselves.
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