Lust vs Love: Practical Guide To Discover Your True Feelings

Last Updated 24.04.2022
13 min read

The line between lust and love is blurry. So it's not a big surprise that many people find it challenging to label their feelings. Today, we will discuss the topic Lust vs Love and try to answer all your questions.

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Do you have a deep physical connection with your partner and want to know whether this relationship will grow into something big? Let's learn the difference between love and lust so you can analyze your feelings and make the right decision.

What Do Lust and Love Have in Common?

The main trick is that love and lust are "all-consuming" feelings. They both are associated with the state of mind in which one person fully occupies your thoughts. You can't help but think about this person. You want to be closer with this "special someone" and make love all day and night.

Once you start feeling lust or love, you stop thinking rationally. You become addicted to someone on a physical level, and that affects your behavior and your everyday choices.

Interesting fact: Love and lust influence our physical well-being. Both sentiments change the levels of our hormones, increase blood flow, make our hearts beat faster, and make our palms sweaty.

A loving relationship, as well as lust, might be based on sexual attraction. So sometimes, it's hard to tell the difference. You need to evaluate the emotional aspect of your relationship to choose the proper strategy.

What Is Lust?

Lust is all about sex and physical attraction – it has nothing to deal with emotional attachment. It's the state in which you are focused on the physical appearance of your sex partner and getting instant pleasure.

In other words, if you have a sexual connection but have no emotional connection with someone, it's lust. The fun fact is that if you keep seeing this person, the chances are it will grow into a loving relationship.

When you make love, your body releases a bunch of different hormones, including oxytocin, the "cuddle hormone". Oxytocin influences the way your brain perceives the information – it makes you trust your lover. Dr. Arun Ghosh, a sexual health expert at the Spire Liverpool Hospital, explains it this way:

"Oxytocin is the key to bonding, as it increases levels of empathy."

According to peer-reviewed studies, lust can be one of the early stages of a romantic relationship. The excitement from the first few dates generates a strong positive feeling. It raises interest and helps to find common ground.

The more time you spend together with your sexual partner, the more likely you will fall in love. You have seen that happen in Hollywood romantic comedies: the relationships of the main characters start with having sex and end with true love.

The same happens in real life. Sometimes you don't have to follow the 5th date rule. You can have sex with a stranger if it feels right for you. Once you find the right person, you will feel it on both a physical and spiritual level.

Tip: Make sure to use high-quality condoms while having fun with strangers. Protect yourself from the negative consequence of casual sex.

What Is Love?

Love is all about deep affection, trust, and emotional connection. Love also might be driven by sexual attraction, but it's not always the case. You may be in love with someone without experiencing intense desire and sexual passion.

Here is a definition of love provided by Kailen Rosenberg, one of the best relationship experts:

"Love means I deeply care. I deeply respect. I have a desire to protect. I see the depth and value and truth of who that person is, and I value that."

5 Signs of Feeling Lust

Even though love and lust may feel similar sometimes, there is a big difference between the two. So if you feel confused, we will help you see the difference more clearly. Here are five signs of lust.

Your Behavior Is Driven by Purely Sexual Desires

Can you agree with the statement that sexual gratification is a key driving factor in your relationship? If you want just sex and nothing more, it's lust, not love. Imagine what your relationship will look like if one day a strong sexual connection disappears. There will be no sense for you to stay together.

You should understand one important thing: no matter how strong physical attraction is now, it will not last forever. You can enjoy time in bed with your lover, but you shouldn't expect it to turn into a long-term relationship.

You Don't Disclose Any Personal Details

Have you spent dozens of nights together, but the only thing you know about each other is names? If you have no idea where your partners work and what hobbies they have, you can label your feeling as "lust".

Spending time together doesn't make you a couple. If you don't communicate with each other and don't show any interest in getting closer to each other, your partnership is purely physical in nature. So stop questioning whether it's lust or love. The answer is more than obvious.

You Avoid Eye Contact

Do you look into the eyes of your lover while having intercourse? Is it important for you to feel the intimacy of the moment? Such little things make a big difference between lust and love. If you are not interested in connecting with your partner on a deeper level, that's a sign of lust.

Tip: What lovemaking positions do you tend to choose? If you prefer positions that involve minimal to no eye contact, such as doggy style, reverse cowgirl, and wheelbarrow, it means you unconsciously avoid emotional intimacy.

You Don't Spend Quality Time Together

Have you ever had dinner together? Have you ever spent time together outside your bedroom? If you spend almost 100% of the time in bed, you experience sexual addiction, not love.

Tip: Do you want to try to build a healthy relationship? Invite your lover to a restaurant or offer them to watch a movie together. Go on a real date and see where it will take you.

You Are Indifferent to Their Wants and Needs

You are probably currently seeing a person who is going through tough times in life, but you don't care about their feelings. You ignore things other than sex, and you don't even try to provide any support. The only things you focus on are your wild desire and your personal physical needs.

If you look at lust from this point of view, you will understand that it has nothing to do with loving relationships. Compassion and empathy are essential elements of real love. If you don't experience these feelings, your attraction to someone will never turn into something big.

5 Signs of Love

Do you feel something more than a sexual desire and attraction? Probably, you are falling in love and are about to start one of the best romantic relationships ever. Here are five signs that you have met the most important person in your life.

You Feel Like You Are on the Same Page

Do you feel like your partner is the only person in the whole universe who can understand you? Do you feel like you have finally found someone who can accept you the way you are? Does this person have the same attitudes and beliefs as you? If your answers are "yes", you are definitely in love.

You Know This Person Long Enough

While many people believe in love from the first sight, we want to assure you that real feeling needs time to develop. If you have spent a couple of great nights together with your new partner and enjoyed sexual intimacy, it doesn't necessarily mean that you have found the "true love of your life".

Love is just like a flower – it needs time to grow. As a rule, it takes couples about a few weeks to learn more about each other and realize that they are meant to be together.

You can't trust/love a stranger, can you? You need time to know your sex partner better – there is the only way to develop romantic feelings. Here is a tweet from a girl who supports this point.

You Want to Meet Their Friends and Relatives

Would you like to meet the mom and dad of your lover? Would you be happy to get invited to their family party? Family relationships are all about intimacy and openness. If you want to become a part of their family, it means you are ready to take your relationship to the next level.

Tip: Don't try to impress their friends and relatives. Be yourself and behave naturally – that are the only things you need to make people love you.

Have you already been introduced to their best friends? Congratulations! In your case, love has already won the lust vs love battle. You are on the way to building long-term relationships.

You Imagine Your Future Together

What do you dream about? Do you want to move in with your lover and live together in a cozy apartment? Do you want to travel the world and celebrate holidays together? Thoughts, fantasies, and dreams about the future are a sign of romantic love.

That's probably one of the most significant distinctive features between lust and love. If you truly care about your partners and want to see them in your future, you have all the chances to build a solid relationship that will lead to marriage.

Tip: Don't rush to share your thoughts and dreams with your lover. Probably your lover isn't ready to discuss such topics yet. You need to wait for the right moment to start the conversation.

You Want Them to Be Happy

True love is self-less. If you love someone, you want them to be happy, and you do your best to bring joy to their life. You order their favorite food, make small presents, give flowers, and do other lovely things. You are ready to sacrifice your own wants and needs just to put a smile on their face.

One Twitter user quoted the words from the novel The Name of the Rose written by Umberto Eco. The main point here is if you deeply care about someone, you feel love, not lust.

From Lust to Amorous Relationship: 5 Steps to Take

Have you just understood that the lust you feel is growing in strength and turning into a romantic relationship? You should get control over your excitement and find out whether your partner has the same feeling:

  • Firstly, you need to lower your expectations. You should understand that the person you share your bed with may not share your hopes.

  • Discuss real feelings with your lover. Open your heart and have an honest conversation. Discuss the lust vs love situation.

  • Don't be pushy. Respect your lover and their opinion. All people are different, and your partner probably needs more time to realize that you have a more-than-just-physical relationship.

  • Offer to spend time together in a new way. You need more space to explore your sentiments and get to know each other better.

  • Don't be afraid to be rejected. If the person doesn't share your emotions, you have nothing to lose. Lust typically doesn't last long. So sooner or later you will stop seeing each other.

Want to Feel Love but Feel Lust Again?

Are you searching for love but find lust? Lust is a natural thing, and you shouldn't feel ashamed about it. If you haven't met your soulmate yet, don't get upset.

You can be sure that one day, you will meet your perfect match. In case you have any specific concerns, you're welcome to discuss them with a relationship expert. A specialist will help you better understand your inner self and choose the right strategy for coping with the lust.

Tip: Discover the passionate side of your personality. Go on dates with different partners to find the one who will win your heart.

Lust vs Love: Let Your Desires Guide You

Now you can tell the difference between lust and love. And we hope it will help you to deal with your emotions. The better you understand what you feel, the more effectively you build communication with your partner.

The last piece of advice we want to give you is to trust your instincts and listen to your body. If you are strongly attracted to someone, it might be a sign that you have found an individual who is fully compatible with you on a biological level. Know this person better and try to bond emotionally.

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