Kink is definitely present at Pride and has been since the very first Pride event following Stonewall. In fact, members of this community were also the first to organize activism against AIDS. And yet every year, as preparations are being made for annual pride events, there is a debate about whether the Kink community should be involved. Those opposed are the older generations of the LGBTQIA+ community or those who believe that eliminating kink members from the events and “membership” in the community, in general, will improve society’s tolerance and acceptance. After all, their dress and appearance can be seen as “shocking” and a bit scary to many in the straight world. But here’s the thing: the kink community identifies itself as a valid part of the larger community and does not see itself as “in it” for any kind of shock value. They simply represent a specific gender identity. Additionally, not all members of this community endorse displays that disrespect the right of the general public to consent to witnessing certain behaviors.
How to Define Kink
First and foremost, Kink is an identity. It refers to a specific group within the LGBTQIA+ with common interests in a range of activities such as power exchange, rope play, and impact play. Some who are part of this community see this identity as falling under the umbrella term queer while others see it as part of the expansion of the initialism (aka +).
Do other identities have some of the same interests as those who consider themselves to be part of the kink community? Of course, they do. They simply feel a closer connection to other identity aspects. In some cases they may identify with both the kink community along with another identity marker.
How to Recognize the Kink Community at Pride
It’s impossible not to find them.
- Their dress is obvious – lots of leather, especially in the form of harnesses, gloves, boots, headgear, etc.
- They show their solidarity by hanging as a group, not dispersed among other pride goers
- They tend to have their own parties.
- They have floats. Some engage in displays that are controversial. These are not universally endorsed.
Kink is an Identity
How are gender identities and sexualities defined? It varies. Sexuality is defined by a person’s intimate or romantic attractions. Gender is defined by a person’s internal sense of their gender. Kink doesn’t really fit into either category as it is an interest in engaging in a range of behaviors and activities. Any gender or sexuality can be part of the kink community. Someone in the kink community can be any gender or sexuality.
This is why many people in the LGBTQIA+ community don’t see kink as an identity, but as a preference for certain activities. They believe that someone who is into kink is simply part of a more recognized LGBTQIA+ identity. The debate is certainly not settled.
Arguing For Kink as a Distinct Identity
At one point in time, people argued that transgender and nonbinary folks shouldn’t be included in this community. The same was true for people who are intersex or ace. Now all but a few reactionary types welcome these folks. Additionally, asexual and bisexual identities have expanded to include pansexuals, demisexuals, and more.
This gatekeeping has largely been dismissed as harmful because most of us recognize a common thread. Queerness is about existing in a way that is outside of perceived social norms. That applies to people who have identities, orientations, even physical bodies that don’t align with heteronormative standards. Don’t people who identify as members of the kink community fall under that definition?
Like lesbians, gays, and transgender folks, many who are into kink choose to present themselves in ways that make them easy to identify. They do this to express themselves, and create a sense of community. They have also faced criticism and accusations for these choices, just like their lesbian, gay, and trans friends have.
Does It Matter?
Whether others see Kink as a distinct group within the LGBTQIA+ community really doesn’t matter. Gatekeeping is generally harmful except in cases where it is used to prevent association with groups that cause harm, practice intolerance, disrespect human rights, or fail to practice consent. Members of the kink community have many of the same characteristics that have been used to include other communities as part of the LGBTQIA+ spectrum.
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