Have you ever wondered what would happen if you stopped texting first? Most people think that if they are not the first ones to talk to someone they will most likely lose interest in them or simply not talk to them as much.
Texting has become more and more important in our day-to-day lives and relationships rely on it heavily, as individuals have less and less time to call each other. This is why learning how to use texting effectively is important and here are some reasons why you shouldn't always be the first to text.
The situation you found yourself in is very familiar to many. You came home after an amazing date, a day or two passed and they still haven't sent you any texts. This moment can be so confusing and leave you wondering if you did something or if they just didn't like you and decided to ignore you.
Getting lost in these thoughts can lead you down a rabbit hole of self-doubt and anxiety which should not have happened at all. This has nothing to do with you doing something wrong but it can seriously hurt your feelings and impact your own life.
This is where you give in and just decide to be the first one to text again. They respond to you just fine, you have another lovely conversation and you feel amazing once again. But after that, you wait for a short while yet they continue to never initiate contact. Your friends tell you they are probably busy, but you realize this is no valid excuse.
This can leave you stuck in a cycle of always texting first, making you look like the one who is always available and eager to talk to them. This is a pattern that can make you feel very insecure and afraid of establishing any boundaries in this new relationship. It can hurt your feelings and make you feel like you were played and it is not at all how your dating experience should be.
On the same note, this doesn't mean you should never be texting anyone first. These situations with different people vary and you can easily realize when someone is truly interested in you and just doesn't have a lot of free time. That being said, they should still show they put effort into texting you too.
When someone is truly interested in dating you and potentially starting a relationship with you, you are bound to know it from the way they treat you. Whether this was your first or third date, if you are always the one to initiate conversations and ask them to make plans, they might not be as devoted.
No matter how busy someone is or how hectic their everyday lives are, they will still find a moment to text you and make plans to see you if they care. Don't make excuses for someone who simply doesn't put in the effort. If they say they forget, they are probably not that invested in this situation or completely interested in something serious.
It is not worth it for you to chase after someone who is not ready to give you the attention you need or make you a priority. Many people end up getting comfortable with having the other person always reach out to them and show interest in them.
Relationships should never be one-sided and both parties should always put equal amounts of effort into seeing and talking to each other, even if they have just gone on a few dates. Therefore, if someone always lets you text first and initiate every conversation, they might not be worth your time and effort.
When someone knows you will always take the time to text them and make arrangements for your plans, they will stop putting in as much effort. This is something that inevitably happens as the other person gets comfortable with you and sees that you are always available.
At the same time, it is also something that shouldn't happen, especially at the beginning of a new relationship. No matter how available you are, if the other person takes you for granted they might stop putting enough effort into this situation.
You are always the one who has to come up with topics to discuss, things to say in order to initiate conversation between you, and make sure it's not just a few single-worded texts. This can put a lot of strain on you, make you feel insecure, and honestly just exhausted.
No relationship is worth you putting all the work by yourself and the other individual just tagging along. Both parties should be just as involved and interested and initiate conversations, even through texts.
If they know you will text them, they won't put as much effort into contacting you themselves. If you notice this starting to happen, stop texting them first for a while. See if they will reach out to you and understand that you don't want this to happen this way.
If you don't text them first after your last date, especially when they're used to you texting them first, they will definitely be thinking about you. They might wonder why you haven't texted like always and they will miss talking to you.
Staying your ground and waiting until they text you first this time will inevitably make them miss you since they will be thinking about you more. This is a great way to see just how much they think about you when you are not together, as it will depend on how fast they will text you.
The first couple of times this happens, they might take some more time to get back to you. But once you see that they reply and they no longer expect you to text first they will start getting back to you faster than you expect. Having them miss you like this will make them want to see you or talk to you more.
When you text someone first, the responsibility of leading the conversation falls on you and you might struggle with always finding ways to keep them talking to you more. This is only normal as you want to get to know them better and the only way to communicate when you are apart is through the phone.
The point is that always leading the conversations can be stressful. Imagine always having to come up with and search different topics on what you will text about and thinking about how all the messages will be perceived.
When you stop texting first, you instantly stop worrying about what to say going forward. You won't have to search for topics or think about what time to text them or what to say anymore. All this responsibility falls on the other half of the conversation and you are just sitting back and waiting for them to take initiative.
This can make talking to them a lot more enjoyable and you won't have to waste time in your everyday life worrying about when you will hear from them next. They will message you in their own time and you can instead focus on your own personal life and issues.
Another reason why you should stop texting first every single time is that this will allow you to focus on yourself more. When you are contemplating whether you should text them first again or not, you are essentially obsessively thinking about them.
This is the only thing you think about until you give up and text them first and you probably spend every minute checking your phone to see if they texted or if they posted anything new online. This behavior is not doing you any favors and you should turn this around and use this time a little differently.
Instead of looking at your phone and patiently waiting until they reach out to you, do something you enjoy to keep your mind off of this. Put your phone aside and do some skincare or watch a favorite show.
Not only will this keep your mind off that someone, but it will also remind you that they are not essential to your happiness. You are the only person that should matter the most in your life and you should take yourself on a date every now and then.
If they don't text you during the first week after a date, you are not enough of a priority and this shouldn't make you feel upset. Be happy you don't have to give them more time and energy which you could instead focus on yourself.
Each individual that realizes this early on will be able to switch tactics and understand that the answer is to not show anyone you are begging them for their attention. Both parties need to be equally invested and if they are making you search and wonder whether they are into you or not all the time they are probably not worth your time.
One more reason why you need to stop texting first is that this will help you set some important boundaries in your relationships. As we mentioned previously, the fact that you are always the first one to text can make people consider your presence as something given and can make you look desperate to get in contact with them.
When you stop texting first, you automatically show them you realized how they don't prioritize you. You are not always going to be available to make plans and talk to them when they have time and you certainly aren't desperate. If they want to talk to you or spend time with you, they need to find the time to reach out to you as well and send you a message.
This is usually when the other person starts chasing after you instead. People tend to want what is inaccessible to them and by showing them you are not to be taken for granted, they will want to be around you more. You might struggle to wait and hold yourself back from texting them even when it's been days, but the truth is that this works.
When it comes to setting boundaries, you need to remember your time and mental energy are valuable and you cannot be losing your mind and time over someone who doesn't want to devote their time to you. Stop texting first and focus on living your life and setting yourself first all the time.
You don't deserve to lose time over some messages and the more you prioritize and respect yourself, that is the moment when you will see that the people you date will become much more bothered about dating you and talking to you.
When it comes to the person that needs to break the ice after a very fun date, you should keep in mind that it doesn't have to be you every time. You don't have to always be super available for others and if you haven't heard from them in a few days, you shouldn't be the one to search for them.
If someone doesn't make it a priority to communicate with you first and often, maybe it's just not meant to be. Focus on yourself and the right one will find their way to you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
Taimi is free to download. Taimi Premium subscription provides access to features unavailable or limited in the free version of the app.