When it comes to sharing these expectations in a relationship, you need to know how to bring them up to avoid offending or scaring your partner. In order to help you achieve that, here are some ways to set realistic expectations in a relationship, in a healthy way.
Why is Having Expectations Important?
Some people might argue that going into a relationship with certain expectations can be unhealthy and set the relationship off on the wrong foot. There are always two sides to expect in every situation, and this is definitely one of them.
On the one hand, going into new relationships without having any expectations on how you wish to be treated or how you wish to treat your partner can lead to a great disaster. This might show a lot about your or the other person's character and can mean that you just go into relationships just so you don't have to spend time alone.
This is a very unhealthy way to see things and you definitely have a lot of self-reflection to do before you are remotely ready to devote your time and energy to a new person. Relationships work both ways and you need to know what to expect from yourself before being with anyone new.
On the other hand, going into new relationships with a suitcase full of expectations can also be problematic. You might expect more than what the other person is willing to give or your expectations might cause problems in the relationship, especially when you start comparing your situation to that of others.
The right thing is being able to find a balance between which expectations will actually work in a relationship and which will make either party feel disappointed. Knowing where you need to set boundaries and expect your significant other to treat you a certain way shows you know what you need in order to be happy and functional in a relationship.
There is no shame in having expectations in a relationship that will allow you to feel safer and loved by the one you're with. The problem starts when these become unrealistic expectations that no one can fulfill and you can't focus your attention on realizing they are creating more conflict than positive feelings between you and your partner.
Understand What You Need Personally
Before you start thinking about what expectations in a relationship you would have from a partner, you should start with yourself. It is good to have expectations in a relationship but are you ready to also take some steps back and be someone that someone else needs?
Oftentimes, we get so caught up in thinking of the perfect partner for us that we don't want to change anything about ourselves and this leads to unmet expectations which continue to make you upset. This is the moment when any high expectations you might have for a relationship will probably make things worse instead of better.
Doing some self-reflection first is crucial to not setting high expectations which can affect both you and your partner. Think about why you would like to be in another relationship and if you are ready for this next step and be prepared to manage expectations in advance. Are you ready to take a step back from these high expectations in a relationship when someone you care about needs you to see things differently?
Knowing exactly what you are looking for in a relationship is great but you also need to remember that the one you will be with might also expect certain things from this relationship too. Being in a place where you are able to communicate about these things with a new partner, and manage expectations from both sides will help you avoid unrealistic expectations and make this relationship work.
Discuss The Expectations Subtly
When you start a new relationship, you might want to make it clear that you expect the other partner to see things your way from the start and treat you the way you want to be treated. While it might sound tempting to just go straight into this, you need to take a step back and these can easily be unhealthy expectations that will strain your relationships.
You are probably still at the stage in your romantic relationship where you get to know them and their character. Any relationship coach would agree that instead of thinking about how you would like things to play out, spend all your time and energy getting to know this individual better before you discuss any smaller or high expectations either of you might have.
See how they act when they are happy and when they are upset, especially in their relationships with other people. Are they someone you could see spending a long time with? Do you believe they will be able to discuss your expectations in a relationship with you and bring their own thoughts into this equation and manage expectations they consider important?
If these answers are positive then you can go ahead and start touching on certain topics you wish to discuss with them and see their opinions on your expectations. The point is for these discussions to start organically and become something important in the relationship that both of you can expect and benefit from.
Communicate Expectations in a Clear Way
After some time, you will come to realize that being subtle about communicating certain expectations in a relationship is different from being clear about what you expect. You might not want to start a big conversation about something less significant that you wanted to bring up, but you also need to make sure that your significant other understands what you need from them.
Sometimes, telling someone you miss them for example might not help them understand in what context you're saying this. They might have started a new job and have less time to spend with you, but they might have also stopped texting you as much because of the workload. If you just tell them you miss them, they might expect you to try to change their schedule and spend more time with you. You might just expect to hear from them more every day.
These difficult-to-understand expectations in a relationship will definitely create problems between the two of you. Make sure you communicate what you need in a clear way that is easy to understand in your relationships, and this will make things a lot easier between the two of you.
Be Ready to Make Compromises
Another thing you should always remind yourself is that your significant other can not be the only one to make sacrifices while you only have expectations in a relationship. Compromise is a very important thing for most healthy relationships and shows that you also care about your partner's expectations.
This also comes to show that you have a mutual understanding that certain set expectations need to work for both parties in the relationship. Being on the same page about things and choosing to do something your significant other might expect from you is important and a very healthy expectation to set in relationships.
It also shows you that you truly care for your romantic partner and care to set relationship rules and reasonable expectations which will allow you to live a life together by finding solutions instead of creating problems between you.