Dating A Bi-Sexual When You Are Straight, Gay, Or Lesbian – Some “Rules”

Specifically, there are so many stereotypes, negative labeling, and misconceptions about bisexuals that come from gay and lesbian folx. Not to mention the same from the straight community.

So, if you are dating a bi-sexual, and are interested in keeping that relationship, here are some rules for you that may help you lose those misconceptions and foster a healthy connection instead.

General Misconceptions About Bisexuals – Myth vs. Reality

There are lots of myths swirling around just what bisexuals are and how they behave. Your first “rule” is to dump these misconceptions in favor of the truth. Here are the myths and realities.

1. They are Promiscuous

There does not appear to be any greater promiscuity among the bisexual population as in any other population. In fact, according to Pew Research, bisexuals are more likely to be married than other populations within the LGBTQ+ community.

2. They are Cheaters

Again, there are cheaters in all populations of society and there is no evidence that bis cheat more. People cheat for a lot of reasons, but their sexual identity is generally not one of them. People cheat because they are attracted to someone outside of their partnership and make a choice to be dishonest about it.

3. They are more mentally unstable

Not true. They do face emotional challenges just like any group facing prejudice and discrimination. An NIH study showed that suicidal thoughts and plans were no greater among bisexuals than among gay and lesbian populations.

4. They have multiple partners at the same time

Again, bis are no more promiscuous than other LGBTQ+ members

5. They are only interested in sex, not relationships.

Bisexuals are in long-term monogamous relationships, including marriage, at the same rate as all other adults, queer or straight.

Rules for Those Who are Dating Bisexuals

Whether you are straight, gay, or lesbian, you need to think about two things. First, what are your motivations for dating a bisexual? If they are anything other than being attracted to them, go find another date. Two, check your own mental comfort level with such a dating relationship.

And here are some specific “rules” for each of you.

For Straights Dating Bisexuals

If you’ve only ever dated other straights, so what? Dating a bisexual of the opposite sex is no different, so don’t make it so:

• Never use a bisexual to fulfill your sexual fantasies or to “experiment”

• Check your own tolerance level – if you are uncomfortable dating someone who may have had a same-sex experience or relationship in the past, then move on.

• Don’t pressure your date for their sexual history. It’s their business and if they want to tell you, they will.

For Gays Dating Bisexuals

So, you are about to date another man who reveals that he is bisexual. Here are your “rules.”

• It’s okay to ask for medical clearance but not for his personal history of sexual encounters

• Never ask if he is currently seeing a female unless you both have made a decision to be monogamous. If he has not made such a decision, then your choice is to keep on going or end it.

• Let him reveal his previous sexual history on his own time, not yours.

For Lesbians Dating Bisexuals

You are enormously attracted to a woman who has already announced to you that she is bisexual. How do you feel about that? And what are you looking for in this new dating relationship? These are things to think about before you move forward.

• Are you normally a jealous person? If so, then do both of you a favor and don’t begin the relationship. Jealousy is destructive, and neither of you will be happy.

• Don’t assume anything. If your bi partner has not committed to monogamy with you, she is free to “roam about the planet” as she wants. And so are you.

• Don’t push for her sexual history, and don’t push for a monogamous relationship. If you do, you may drive her away. Focus on planning the best dates possible and developing your relationship.

Final Rule for Both of You

There is only one overriding rule here. When you decide to date a bisexual, you are doing it because you have found something attractive in that person and want to explore how the two of you may be compatible as a couple. They have found you attractive in some way and want to have the same exploration. A bisexual is a person first and a sexual identity second, just as you are. Focusing on the person is the only way to go.