Pillow Princess - What is it? What does it mean?

Terminology

According to a definition posted on Urban Dictionary a pillow princess is 

“A girl in a lesbian relationship who is usually a bottom. She likes to receive rather than give”

The term is most often used in the LGBTQ+ community to refer to lesbian and bisexual women . A pillow princess can be both positive and negative in terms of its meaning. There are many queer women, especially stone butch, domme, power top that get sexual pleasure from having sex with pillow princesses. 

Some lesbians seek out a pillow princess partner because they like to be dominant in the relationship. Pillow princesses tend to be submissive during sex. Many women who are pillow princesses typically enjoy receiving oral sex but refuse to return the favor. Their strong suit is dirty talk. Pillow princesses may also know their way around sex toys. Someone who is a pillow princess is not necessarily lazy in bed they just get pleasure from being catered to during sex.

Straight people often use the term to describe a woman that enjoys special treatment in bed. 

The term may often be applied to women who are just discovering their sexuality. Sometimes it may refer to a woman who is exploring and has yet to learn to reciprocate in bed with partners of the same sex. 

Sometimes men’s magazines will use the term when talking about heterosexual women. It may even be a synonym for starfish when referring to sexual positions. 

The term is primarily used towards queer and now straight women. There may be a pillow prince lurking around somewhere, but princesses take the center stage. 

History

The history of the slang phrase goes back to the 1990s. The term was first used in queer media to describe a dynamic in a butch-femme relationship. In a publication called Deneuve the article said “where the butch would initiate and give sexual pleasure while the femme would play ‘pillow princess’ and receive.” 

Princess is a common term suggesting special treatment. It also goes back to the 1960s gay and lesbian community slang. 

In a series of short lesbian experience stories Afrekete there is also a story featuring the now familiar phrase. Today the term is widely used in straight publications. 

Differences

Another term that may sound similar is a pillow queen. A pillow queen just like pillow princess refers to someone who enjoys being on the receiving end of sex. Pillow queens are masters at getting pleasure from their partners. They are used to being pampered and taken care of by their partners. A pillow queen is definitely next level when it comes to essentially getting pleasured by someone. 

Pronouns

Pillow princesses typically identify as women and use she/her pronouns. That said, some transgender and non-binary people may be pillow princesses and use gender-neutral pronouns like they/them. 

Always remember to share your pronouns first as well as ask the person about their pronouns during the conversation. Never assume someone’s gender based on their gender expression. 

Flag and Symbols

There is no official flag for a pillow queen or princess. There is a flag posted by a Tumblr user that may be used by some in the LGBTQ+ community. 

Pillow Queen/Princess Flag by @@beyond-mogai-pride-flags

It features 7 color stripes. Dark blue, burgundy, golden orange, pale, gold yellow, darkish red and darker magenta. The colors are similar to shades of the lesbian flag, but have no specific meaning. 

How to Know if You are a Pillow Princess?

You may be a pillow princess if you: 

• Enjoy getting pleasured by your partner
• Do not like giving pleasure
• Prefer to play a submissive role 
• Like silk pillows and comfortable sheets