Pillow Princess Wiki Page

The term, pillow princess evokes strong responses among queer women and others. To some, a pillow princess is an individual with legitimate preferences or desires. Others see pillow princesses as selfish, lazy, and inconsiderate. There are even people who believe that you cannot take on this role and be a lesbian at the same time.

So, what is a pillow princess? Are these women genuinely part of the LGBTQ community? How do you know if you might be a pillow princess? Here are the facts you need to know.

Terminology

Pillow Princess

The term pillow princess was originally used to describe femme lesbians who prefer to receive sexual stimulation, but not give it. However, words evolved and the phrase is now used to describe:

• Gay men who like to receive but not give sexual pleasure
• Straight women who don’t reciprocate sexual acts
• People who enjoy positions that don’t require physical exertion on their part

Pillow Princess can be used in a positive way. Someone might say, “I deserve to be pampered and given lots of orgasms, so I’m a total pillow princess.” There are people who seek out pillow princesses too.

On the other hand, it is used disparagingly at times. For example, “That lazy pillow princess just laid on her back and made me do all the work.” Some women in the LGBTQIA+ community will use the term as a way to gatekeep other women from embracing a lesbian identity. They claim that real queer women are happy to give and receive.

Today, not all pillow princesses are femme or even women. Nonbinary, agender, and trans folks may identify this way too. Butch women can also be pillow princesses.

Is pillow princess a sexual preference? It is not a sexual identity.. Instead, this is a sexual role. The difference is that it is possible for people to step in and out of this role as their needs and appetites change. Here are some examples of this:

• A woman genuinely prefers receiving pleasure from women and is a life long pillow princess
• A recently out lesbian doesn’t have much confidence in bed and begins dating a stone top who is happy to give oral pleasure without expecting anything in return. Eventually she decides to try giving pleasure in addition to receiving it
• A woman is going through a period of stress and emotional exhaustion. She decides to accept her inner pillow princess for a few months

Stone Butches

Stone butches are the counterparts of pillow princesses. This term was originally used to describe very masculine lesbians who did not want to receive sexual touch in bed. Some stone butches don’t identify as women.

Pillow Prince

This rarely used phrase describes the gay version of a pillow princess.

Pillow Prinxe(ss)

There are now some nonbinary forms to describe being a pillow princess while acknowledging the identities and boundaries of people who are gender nonconforming or trans.

Stone Top

A term that describes somebody in the dominant position who likes to give during intimacy but does not like to receive sexual stimulation in return. This is essentially the complete opposite of a pillow princess. This phrase is most often associated with butch lesbians.

Touch Me Not

A touch me not is a lesbian who, like a stone top, prefers to give but not receive intimacy. This label is most popular in the black lesbian community.

Getting Flipped

While largely outdated, this phrase is relevant to discussions of stone identities and pillow princesses. Getting flipped is when a stone top or touch me not becomes the recipient in a sexual encounter. In some circles it was absolutely a source of embarrassment to have this happen. It was taken as a loss of control on the part of the dominant sex individual.

Stone Asexual

A stone asexual is a person who does not like to give or receive any sort of sexual pleasure. In most cases a stone asexual does not even enjoy handling themselves for their own pleasure.

Stone Bottom

A term that describes a person in the submissive position in a sexual partnership who enjoys giving sexual pleasure and not receiving it during sex with their partner.

History

While the meaning of the phrase has changed over time, it appears to originate from queer publications of the early nineties. One, Deneuve, describes a dynamic in a lesbian couple where the dominant, usually butch, partner initiates sex and performs sex acts on the submissive partner in the bedroom. Meanwhile, the submissive partner receives but does not reciprocate.

The submissive partner was called a pillow princess. For many years, this saying remained within queer girl circles. Later, in the 2010s, use of the term became more mainstream. It was used to describe gay men who were also submissive and preferred receiving over giving. Eventually, pillow princess was even used to describe heterosexual relationships where the partners had similar dynamics.

Flag And Symbols

There is no widely used symbol to represent the sexuality or identity of a pillow princess. The image pictured above was created and posted to a Tumblr page called Beyond MOGAI.

Not every feminine identiying lesbian is a pillow princess. But, many people who are pillow princesses resonate with this symbolism. The same is true of the lipstick lesbian flag. It is important to note that this flag is problematic and largely rejected by the LGBTQIA+ community since its designer has been revealed to be racist and transphobic.

Am I a Pillow Princess

It happened. You had a sexual encounter with a woman, perhaps some December evening, and only received. You think you like it. What does that make you? How do you determine if you are a pillow princess or not? This isn’t the same as coming to terms with your sexual preferences or gender identity. Being a pillow princess is a role you have within a partnership.

What does this mean? It means that this isn’t something you are necessarily tied to for the rest of your life. Think of it as being dominant or submissive. Some people play one of these roles in every partnership they have, because that aligns with their personality and sexual tastes. Others may be the dominant person in some partnerships and submissive in others. Sometimes, roles and dynamics change even within the same dating partnership.

The same is true with being a pillow princess. You might be one today, but not a year from now. That’s okay! Tastes change, and so does what you need to feel happy as part of a couple.

It’s also perfectly okay if you want to avoid labels like this altogether. You can connect with people and enjoy sex any way you want. You aren’t obligated to put a label on how you perform as a girlfriend or lover.

Now, you might wonder if other people would see you as a pillow princess. Would someone who is attracted to pillow princesses be interested in you? If you have any of the following attributes, then you might be seen as a pillow princess:

• You are traditionally feminine in your presentation
• You are submissive
• You don’t like to take an active role during sex
• You prefer a partner who is dominant
• You don’t enjoy giving oral sex or penetrating your partners

If you come to the conclusion that you are a pillow princess, take some time to think about how you feel about that. Forget about any lies or myths about this. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.

It all comes down to one thing. There is nothing wrong with this. If you are happy being a pillow princess there’s no reason to change that. Having sexual tastes isn’t a shameful thing, nor is having a preferred role in your sexual/romantic pairingss.

Enjoying Relationships as a Pillow Princess

You prefer that things work a certain way during your most intimate relationships and connections. Get into that and have fun! As long as you and your lover agree on how sex between the two of you will work, then things will be okay.

You may be wondering if you will meet a lover who can accommodate your tastes. You can be sure that she’s out there. Just keep focusing on getting out in the world and finding someone who is compatible with you!

Pillow Princess as a Fantasy

For some people, pillow princess isn’t an ongoing sexual appetite or a role they want to embrace permanently. Instead, it’s a fantasy. Have you ever fantasized about a love making session where you just lay there experiencing orgasm after orgasm at the hands of someone who is strong and dominant? You should embrace that! Talk to your love-interest about your pillow princess fantasy. Indulge yourself. set a detailed scene and enjoy roleplaying.

How to Support a Pillow Princess

Although a pillow princess is more of a role, rather than a sexual preference that doesn’t mean that there aren’t ways you support them. Here are a few things you can do in order to support a pillow princess.

First, get over your misconceptions. You may have heard talk about people who are pillow princesses being selfish and lazy. Keep in mind that there are people out there who find princesses sexually desirable. They want relationships with women who accept this role.

When you dismiss pillow princesses as lazy, selfish, or just weird you are also saying that the people who love them are not deserving of happiness and fulfillment either. Instead, adopt a live and let live attitude as you remember that the world is full of sexual roles and tastes.

As a Friend

First, this is a good sign. Friends confide things like this in one another because there is a deep trust. Treat this like you would any other piece of intimate information. Give your pal space to be open with you. Ask questions. Don’t shame or ridicule them.

If you happen to learn about this “accidentally”, be discrete. Don’t confront your friend or force them to talk about something if they don’t want to. There’s literally nothing wrong with this, and it doesn’t require fixing. Keep it to yourself, unless they know you know. In that case let them know that nothing about your friendship has changed. They can talk about this with you if they want, or not.

As a Lover

What do you do if you are dating someone and find out that they are a pillow princess? Are you obligated to continue having sex with them, no matter what? Of course not! You can’t create something out of nothing. If you are not sexually or emotionally compatible with a pillow princess, you can end your relationship with them.

What you can’t do is be cruel or try to shame someone into adopting a sexual role that just doesn’t fit them. Both you and your lover deserve happiness and fulfillment.

You know your love interest is a pillow princess, and you are filled with a sense of intrigue. You think you might be okay with this dynamic. Hell, you might even enjoy it! If you can imagine a healthy relationship with your pillow princess, it’s time to start communicating.

First, find out what this means to them. Someone might self-identify as a pillow princess when they really mean that they generally prefer to be submissive and passive during sex, but also enjoy taking an active role from time to time. Your lover might be purely pillow princess with no desire for giving sexual acts or affection. Then, you can both decide if this works for you, or if it is time to move on.

As a Community Member

The LGBTQIA+ community is strong when a wide range of people feel safe and welcome. Nobody deserves to be shamed for how they enjoy sex as long as it is within the parameters of consent. Remember that there are probably people who would see your tastes as being strange or difficult to understand. Accept the way that you would want to be accepted, and stand up when you witness shaming or abuse from others.