Asexual Wiki Page

Asexual. It’s actually an umbrella term for an entire spectrum of levels of sexual orientation and sexual attraction, from shunning sex altogether to embracing sexual activity under a variety of conditions. The term is often shortened to “ace,” and “acespec” refers to the entire spectrum. An asexual person may experience a romantic attraction based upon their sexual orientation – hetero, lesbian, gay, bi, etc. – and some may lack both romantic and sexual attraction (aroace).

To understand everything about the asexual community is the purpose of this article.

Terminology

First, a few general comments.

Sexual attraction among every asexual person may vary from being totally disinterested and even repulsed by sexual behaviors to lack of sexual attraction under certain circumstances and not others, to mild sexual attraction. In short, the ace community is widely varied.

Asexuality must not be confused with celibacy. People choose celibacy, usually for religious purposes, as they enter religious orders. Asexual people do not choose celibacy. They have a sexual orientation that they did not consciously choose. They just do not feel sexual attraction – an asexual person does not select celibacy as a way of life. They just have no or little interest in sexual activity.

As to variety within the ace community, here are several of the most common types.

Asexuality Umbrella

Asexual refers to all people within the spectrum with a lack of sexual attraction, less than is considered “common,” whatever that truly means. It includes all people who identify as asexual and place themselves under this umbrella. Asexual people can and do experience other types of connections – emotionally intimate relationships with one or more than one gender, a romantic partner in a long-term relationship, one or more partners to whom they are romantically attracted, and even strong platonic relationships (e.g., queerplatonic relationships). It’s important to repeat that asexuality is a sexual orientation, not a medical condition, a choice, or a behavior.

It should be noted that some asexual people engage in sexual contact and activity even though they may not “feel” it. Most often it is to please partners with whom they are in romantic relationships.

Aceflux

Aceflux refers to asexual people who go back and forth along the asexual spectrum from almost disgust to having some or even quite a bit of attraction and sexual activity. While these asexual people may fluctuate, they still remain on the spectrum. Sometimes they identify as Acefluid.

Apothisexual

These asexual people are at one extreme end of the asexual spectrum. They loathe sex and find it disgusting. They even avoid media that depicts sexual contact. They may experience aesthetic attraction or a close emotional bond with others as long as sex never “rears its ugly head.”

Aegosexual

This is a complex asexual identity. This asexual person may fantasize about sex, live it vicariously through the sexual activity depicted in media and other visual materials, and perhaps masturbate as they do so. On the other hand, these asexual people do not want actual sexual relationships with others.

Cupiosexual

Here’s another rather complex asexual category. Such an asexual person wants sexual activity even though they do not feel sexual attraction to those who might generate that desire. They engage in sex for different reasons, one of which is to satisfy a physical need. Or they may engage in sex to please a partner who is not asexual.

Demisexual

The most common description of a demisexual is an asexual who does not experience sexual attraction or want sexual contact until they have formed a strong emotional connection with someone. This might be in the form of romance or friendship.

Most people describe this in terms of primary and secondary sexual attraction. Many who experience arousal can do so when they first meet someone experiencing primary arousal. Asexual people typically do not experience primary sexual attraction. Demisexuals can be of any sexual orientation, and some add that gender identity as a microlabel – demi-bisexual, for example.

Fraysexual

Asexual people who fall within this category may be limited to experiencing sexual attraction to someone they do not know well. And so, as they connect with that person and begin to experience romantic attraction, the desire for sexual contact falls away.

Gray-Asexual

Asexual people who identify as graysexual see themselves as in between full asexuality and allosexuality (referring to someone who is experiencing sexual attraction on a consistent basis, no matter what their sexual orientation). Graysexuals have experienced sexual attraction in the past or sporadically experience sexual attraction, but that attraction is sporadic, infrequent, or of lower intensity. Grey asexuality is very common within the asexual spectrum.

Autosexual

Think in terms of someone with a strong ego. An autosexual will experience sexual attraction only with themselves. It may seem strange to some, but it is valid identity within the asexual community. Asexual people within this category may achieve sexual satisfaction via masturbation.

Lithosexual

Just like an aromantic with this identity only experiences romantic attraction to those who do not reciprocate, so lithosexual people only experience sexual attraction when such attraction is not reciprocated by a partner. As soon as it is reciprocated, the sexual desire wanes.

Aroace

Aroace people do not experience sexual or romantic attraction to others. These asexual people can identify on both the aromantic and asexual spectrums and run the whole gamut of sexual orientation.

Acepike

This asexual person typically has little-to-no interest in sexual contact or activity but experiences sexual attraction in random spurts, then reverting back to their asexual persona.

As you can clearly see, asexuality is a sexual orientation that has many complex factors and sub-categories. These listed here are the most common, though there are others with a lack of sexual desire who have highly specific and unique traits and who may have an asexual experience that does not fall within the most common nomenclature.

History

Ancient and Medieval Times

The term asexual during these historical periods was synonymous with celibacy. For primarily religious reasons, men (and eventually women) became asexual by choice, not by sexual orientation.

And there are no references to asexual people, in literature or science during these times. Academics in the scientific fields were focused on physics and chemistry, and literature that addressed sexual orientations focused on homosexuality.

There is perhaps one exception to all of this, though it is a more modern theory – that Isaac Newton was perhaps a self-described asexual. While he is attributed to the theory of gravity and laws of motion, he lived in the 17th and 18th centuries when the term asexual was not in use. He never married and never had any romantic or sexual relationships, leading to a lot of speculation that he was asexual and aromantic.

19th Century

There are a few noteworthy 19th-century statements that asexuality is a sexual orientation rather than a disorder.

The Hungarian physician Karl-Maria Kertbeny was opposed to the sodomy laws of Germany and published some pamphlets anonymously. In these, he spoke to three distinct forms of sexual orientations – heterosexual, homosexual, and monosexual. Monosexuality referred to people who only received sexual satisfaction via self-stimulation (masturbation).

Next came the German sexologist Magnus Hirschfeld who also was fond of pamphlets. In one of those, “Sappho und Sokrates,” he speaks to people without any sexual attraction or desire. This pamphlet was later translated and analyzed by an AVEN user, Tommy92, and it may be worth the read.

A self-proclaimed sexual reformist, German Emma Trosse, wrote a treatise as a part of her efforts to pressure the German government to end its discriminatory laws against members of the LGBTQ community. The treatise was titled, “A Woman? Psychological-Biographical Study of a Contrary-Sexual” (translation). In it, the term asexuality was defined, to a point at least.

20th Century

The Kinsey Reports of 1948 and 1953 set off a firestorm of controversy though they were both best sellers. The first was a volume on the sexual behavior of men, the second on that of women. It was here that he first referenced asexual people, though he used the term “X” to name them – people with “no socio-sexual contacts or reactions.”

In 1983, Dr. Paula Narius published a study examining the relationship between mental health presentations and sexual orientations. For study subjects, she used 689 people who identified as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, and asexual. This was one of the first instances in which the term asexual was actually used.

Contemporary Organizations

The Internet brought about a complete revolution in almost everything people do today, and asexual people are no exception.

One of the earliest communities that formed was the result of an article, published by StarNet Dispatches by Zoe O’Reilly, a self-identified asexual. The title was, “My Life as a Human Amoeba” was published in 1997 and, within the comment section, an early asexual community was formed.

In 2000, a Yahoo email group was formed, titled “Haven for the Human Amoeba” (HHA).

And in 2001, David Jay, asexual activist and author, created the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN), an asexual advocacy organization that now has a membership of close to 140,000 in its asexual community.

One interesting point is this: Over the years, asexual people and people who study them have defined the term asexual differently. Most, however, seem to focus on the concept of sexual attraction. Others, who are rather in a minority believe that sexual attraction is just one facet of the term. They press for the inclusion of a lack of sexual desire and drive as well.

And there are those who still consider asexuality a disorder, specifically as described in the DSM and ICD.

DSM and ICD

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Diseases (DSM-5) and the International Classification of Diseases are both organizations that classify and aid in the diagnosis of mental and behavioral disorders. DSM is used in America, and ICD is used by the international community and maintained by the WHO.

Currently, both organizations list seemingly asexual people as having a disorder as follows:

• DSM-5 – Female sexual interest/arousal disorder; Male hypoactive sexual desire disorder
• ICD-10 – Hypoactive sexual desire disorder
• One positive point: The DSM-5 criteria exclude individuals who self-identify as asexual.

Flags and Symbols

The overreaching asexual flag was designed in 2010 by AVEN user “standup.”

This flag has four equal-sized horizontal stripes with the following meanings:

• Black represents all asexual people
• Gray represents gray-asexuals, demisexual, and the ace spectrum
• White represents non-asexual partners and allies
• Purple represents the entire ace community

Asexuality exists in many forms as described above. And many asexual people of the same sub-group have their own flag to depict what asexual means to them. It should be noted that these same terms can be found on the aromantic spectrum too and relate to the same types of relationships and placements along the aromantic spectrum. Here are some of the most common groups to which many asexual people subscribe:

Aceflux Flag

The stripes in the Aceflux Flag represent a gradient of colors from allosexuality red to purple asexuality.

Aegosexual Flag

This flag has the colors of the asexual flag. However, the inverted triangle represents the inverse of sexuality.

Apothisexual Flag

The apothisexual flag contains an X which represents sex repulsion. The purple is believed to represent asexuality.

Cupiosexual Flag

The meaning of the colors of the cupiosexual flag are not full known. It is speculated that the pink means love, an the white means lack of attraction.

Demisexual

Here, the black triangle represents the asexual community as a whole. White is for sexuality. Purple is for community. The gray represents gray asexuality as this is the category of demisexual.

Fraysexual

Gray-asexual

Other Symbols

The Ace Playing Card

This is a “natural” given the shortening of the term asexual to “ace.” Various sub-categories have chosen specific suits for that card. The ace of spades is used to represent the umbrella term for all ace-spec people. The ace of hearts is most often used to represent the asexuality group that does feel romantically attracted, and the ace of diamonds is usually associated with demisexuals. The ace of clubs represents gray-asexuals or sometimes those who are not sure where they fall on the asexual spectrum.

The Black Ring

Wearing a black ring on the middle finger, usually on the right hand, is a way for asexuals can give a subtle sign to other asexual people or others who understand their relationship to sexuality in general.

Cake and Dragons

These began as jokes within the LGBTQIA+ community mostly. Asexuals have more of a relationship with and more interest in cake and dragons than they do sex.

The Aven Triangle

This is an older asexual symbol still important to many AVEN members and served as an inspiration for the current umbrella flag of asexuality.

Am I Asexual?

The asexual spectrum is broad and encompasses a huge variety of people who identify as such. If you are questioning your own sexual orientation and asexuality seems to be where you see yourself fitting, you will want to explore further. Here are steps you can take.

Learn More

Begin your journey by looking into asexuality in general. Access asexual websites and forums and listen. One of the best things you can do is to connect with other asexual people who are on all different spots of the asexual spectrum and have conversations about what you are feeling.

Ask Yourself Some Key Questions

Once you have a better understanding of asexuality, ask yourself some key questions:

• What is my gender identity? You may be straight, gay, bisexual, transgender or anyplace on the LGBTQIA+ spectrum. Does this impact the types of an emotional connection you make with others? First and foremost, you need to be clear on who and what you are before you can begin the journey to explore who and how you are attracted to others.
• What kinds of sexual desires have I experienced so far in my life? Are they similar or different than those of friends and family members? You may have a romantic orientation in your seeking a relationship but not feel sexually attracted in that relationship. This does not necessarily define you as asexual, but it is a clue.
• How do I feel when I view media in which sex is a dominant feature? Does it arouse me, or do I feel disinterested or even a bit disgusted?
• When others make sexual overtures, do I welcome them, or do I feel less attracted to them?
• When I have romantic and emotional feelings toward someone, is sex with them high on my list of priorities, or do I prefer to remain in just a state of emotional connection?

Look for Additional Resources

If you are still questioning the potential of an asexuality identity, get on some reputable LGBTQIA+ websites and check out the resources they recommend. Most will have lists of additional resources. Start with sites like HRC, The Trevor Project, and LGBTQ Nation and go on from there.

Don’t Pressure Yourself

Asexuality is a broad spectrum. And you don’t have to place any kinds of pressures or deadlines on yourself to get an asexuality identity. Continue to seek relationships you are comfortable with and continue to analyze your emotional responses to those you may be attracted to and who are attracted to you. Take your time and embrace that your understanding of your own asexuality may change – a lot.

How to Support Asexuals

Asexuality is a difficult identity to understand, and therein lies the challenge for so many asexuals as they try to explain their identities to friends, family, and even to partners. But it is important for those on the asexuality spectrum to have understanding and acceptance – without it, they may suffer with some emotional and mental health issues.

So, how do you support your asexual family member, colleague, friend or partner? The UK Stonewall website provides a pretty good answer in six ways:

Believe Them

One of the worst things you can do is to tell an asexual that this is just a phase they are experiencing and that they will return to “normal” eventually. Accept what they say and make sure they know you accept their asexuality identity.

Educate Yourself

You may know very little about asexuality. And if you don’t, it’s time that you get educated. Before you begin a barrage of questions of your asexual, take the time to access some articles, websites, and forums. Start with the AVEN website and move forward from there. Asexuality is a complex identity, and you should understand as much as possible about it.

Dump the Assumptions You Have Held

Many people, straight or not, share a belief that people can have successful romantic relationships only if both romance and sex are involved. It’s time to expand your thoughts about relationship types and the idea that there are all types of great relationships that don’t involve romance and/or sex. Accept your asexual’s views on an ideal relationship and support them.

Accept Any Additional Identity

Asexuality is an identity. But it may not be the only defining identity of an asexual person. They may fall anywhere along the LGBTQIA+ spectrum or they may be heteroromantic. This you will learn as you do your own exploration of asexuality.

Don’t Be Nosy

It’s easy to want to ask your asexual lots of questions about their identity and their romantic relationship activities. Just don’t do it. If you have questions about asexuality in general, you should feel free to ask. But let them open up about their own behaviors.

Be a Public Supporter

If you encounter others who speak negatively about those who seem to lack sexual drive or interest, call them out on it but in a respectful way. Now that you are armed with plenty of knowledge, you can serve as an educator.