Aromantic Wiki Page

You may or may not have heard the term aromantic. It doesn’t matter. Because within the following sections and paragraphs, you will become an expert on the aromantic population. So, let’s get started.

A Simple and Basic Definition of “Aromantic”

According to Very Well Mind, “A person who is aromantic experiences little to no romantic attraction to persons of any gender. People who are aromantic also lack interest in having romantic relationships. Romantic attraction refers to a desire to have emotional contact and interaction with a partner…” The term is often shortened to “aro.”

Of course, this is a basic definition. And, like most basic definitions, there is a need to dig deeper. That digging begins with some key terminology.

Digging into the Term “Aromantic”

The prefix “a” is of Greek and Latin origin, meaning “not” or “lack of.” So, “aromantic” is an adjective describing someone with little or no romantic attraction to others – someone who does not desire romantic relationships.

Does this mean that an aromantic never feels emotional love toward others? Absolutely not. Aromantic people may feel love for friends and family members. Aromantic people do marry and form a long-term partnership, and, have children. In short, aromantic people may form an emotional bond with others. In most instances, though, it is a platonic love without a romantic interest.

Does this mean that an aromantic person will never experience romantic attraction? No. As with all sexual identities, the aromantic community exists along a spectrum of identities, and it bears looking into the entire spectrum if someone wants to fully understand the nature of aromanticism.

Aromantic Spectrum Identities

One important note here. Many who are early students of LGBTQIA+ identities tend to group aromantics and asexuals. This is one of those common misconceptions that float around. Aromantic people lack romantic feelings but can and do experience sexual attraction; asexuals may have romantic relationships and experience emotional intimacy but are not into sex. Romantic and sexual orientation are two separate identities. Now, some people are aromatic asexual. But romantic and sexual attraction are two totally different things, and aromantic individuals need recognition separate from asexuals. Right now, the topic is not the aromantic asexual. It is those who identify as aromantic people by nature.

So, let’s unpack the specific identities that relate only to the aromantic community.

Aroflux

This term is self-defining. An aroflux is someone who can fluctuate between having no romantic feelings at all and experiencing romantic feelings toward others (alloromantic). People who feel that their romantic feelings go up and down, possibly depending upon the person they are with at the time, should consider that they are quite probably aroflux.

Aegoromantic

This is an interesting place on the spectrum and it’s hard to actually place it. An aegoromantic has a type of aesthetic attraction to the concept of romance and likes to see romantic activity in others. When it comes to romantic activity on their own, though, these aromatic individuals are not in the game.

Arospike

Again, another interesting phenomenon. An arospike will not normally experience romantic feelings or attractions. But they may have a sudden onslaught of strong feelings for another person. It will only last for a short time, and then they return to their normal nature.

Demiromantic

A demiromantic does experience romantic feelings and attraction but only after being with someone long enough to establish a strong emotional bond. Examples of this might be queerplatonic relationships, which begin as friendships but deepen into romance over time. Another example may be a sexual attraction that goes on long enough that a romantic partnership results. Obviously, it has to be the right person for a romantic long-term relationship to form.

Frayromantic

These aromantic people identify as the opposite of demiromantics. They have early-on romantic feelings for a partner and engage in romantic activities. But as a deeper bond is formed, they lose their initial feelings.

Apothiromantic

These aromantic people are at the extreme end of the spectrum. Not only do they not experience romantic attraction, but they find romance to be entirely repulsive. No matter what their gender identity, apothiromantic can feel sexual attraction and act on it often. But sex with such a person will not involve affectionate foreplay and certainly not the afterglow that people who desire closeness want.

Grayromantic

Think of black and white. Gray is the color in between. And that’s how it is with a grayromantic. These are aromantic people who do have romantic feelings and activities periodically during their lifetimes, but they are few and far between. Most of their lives are spent as aromantics. Again, like many other aromantic people, they may feel sexual attraction throughout their lives and have highly satisfying sex but not necessarily romantic attachments.

Fictoromantic

This member of the aromantic community does not experience romantic desire for people in real life. Instead, they form such attractions for fictional characters in literature or film, as they read or view romantic stories. They identify on the aromantic spectrum because they cannot develop romantic feelings or relationships in the real world, as societal expectations dictate.

Lithromantic (aka Akoiromantic)

Some aromantic people do experience romantic emotions, and the lithromantic is one of them. The unique thing about this identity is that these aromantic people feel that emotion until it is reciprocated by those they are in relationships with. Once that happens, they become uncomfortable and tend to lose their feelings. Because of this, the lithromantic will usually not seek out romantic relationships at all.

Bellusromantic

Aromantic people who use this term to describe themselves have some interest in romantic acts, perhaps cuddling, hugging, and handholding, but it goes no further than this type of interest. They do not seek out romantic relationships and do not have what society would term a romantic attraction.

Cupioromantic

Again, aromantic people with this type of romantic orientation have a desire for romantic relationships but, in the end, do not feel the kinds of attraction that romance brings. A frayromantic, for example, wants such a relationship and feels it initially. But they lose those feelings and attractions once the coupling moves forward.

Myrromantic

Aromantic people who identify as myrromantic face confusion about where they should place themselves on the aromantic spectrum. The reason is that they fluctuate among aromantic identities and may even feel like more than one identity at the same time. Because of this, they prefer the term myrromantic.

Quoiromantic

This is another identity that comes from confusion on the part of some aromantic people. It’s often described as a lack of understanding of what a romantic orientation is. Quoiromantics don’t really know what the feeling of a romantic attraction is so don’t know if they have such feelings or not.

Recipromantic

Aromantic people who identify under this term do have romantic orientation but only after the person they are in a relationship with shows a romantic attraction to them first. Thus, the prefix “recipro” coming from the word reciprocate.

Requisromantic

Mental exhaustion. It’s a common condition in our fast-paced lives of obligations to meet. But when that mental exhaustion causes someone to simply not want to experience romantic attraction anymore, they can place themselves on the spectrum with other aromantic people who feel the same. The prefix “requi” is Latin and refers to the term “dead.” Thus, a requisromantic feels “dead” toward any romantic orientation, at least for now. Sometimes, this lack of romantic feelings can result from a series of failed relationships and the conclusion that it’s just not worth it anymore. Romantic acts just aren’t worth the time and trouble.

Caedromantic

Aromantic people who know or believe that they used to be alloromantic but who had some past traumatic experience that has made them aromantic now, may use the term caedromantic. Such individuals may be suffering from PTSD. Whatever the cause of the past trauma, they do not want a romantic relationship. Sometimes, this term is considered a micro-label under another term, depending on what type of aromantic the person most identifies with.

Other Related Terminology

As if this isn’t enough to sink your teeth into, there are other terms related to aromanticism that you will want to be familiar with.

Alloromantic

This is an identity the opposite of the aromantic identity. Alloromantic individuals experience romantic feelings and have romantic relationships, both short- and long-term.

Aroace

An aromantic asexual person does not feel romantic attraction or want sex. Aromantic asexual people tend to rely on platonic relationships, and they of course feel love for family members and friends. Asexual people also are on a sexuality spectrum just like aromantic people, from never having had any sexual attraction at all to occasionally or sporadically experiencing sexual desire. So, there are graysexuals, demisexuals, and such, just as aromantic people experience. Aromantic asexual people can be a bit complicated because they can have varying degrees of romantic and/or sexual attraction at different times in their relationships with others. Understanding asexuality is now a part of sexuality studies at many universities.

Nonamorous

A nonamorous person does not want any types of committed relationships, including romantic, sexual, or platonic. This differs from aromantic people who do have relationships of all kinds even though not experiencing romantic attraction of the same quality and intensity of others.

Split Attraction Model (SAM)

This is a term from psychology that separates romantic and sexual orientation and attraction, but it is a pretty controversial concept for aromantic asexual people who see an asexual aromantic spectrum union rather than a separation. They have difficulty distinguishing between their two “identities” and separating them. Split attraction model – Wikipedia

History of Aromanticism

Groups of people come together and form a community based on common interests and goals. And they “name” their group. Thus, we have groups like MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) and the like. And while it is relatively young, those individuals who have little-to-no interest in romantic relationships have formed a community and named themselves aromantics.

The earliest time the term aromantic was used was in 2003 and was becoming a more commonly used term within the larger LGBTQIA+ community by 2008-2009. The use of the term began to be widely used by AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network). During that time asexuality and aromanticism were linked, and it took time for the aromantic community to carve itself out as separate and distinct.

An Interesting Take on Romance Throughout History

Throughout history, going back to The Golden Orchid Society in 17th century China was composed of women who shunned marriage and what was considered a “normal” life. And marriage had nothing to do with romance – it was for financial and social reasons. Women of the Golden Orchid Society simply chose a different lifestyle for whatever reasons – perhaps they were asexual, aromantic, lesbian, or all three.

Lest we only focus on women, it is also important to note that, throughout history, men have chosen not to marry for the same reasons.

But, moving on. For centuries, marriage had nothing to do with feeling romantic attraction for a potential mate. Marriage was a union of families, a partnership if you will, between families. For the wealthy, this meant arranging marriages that kept their “bloodlines” clean; for the rest, it was a union to produce offspring and a labor force. In many societies, that is still the case today.

The Curious Case of the Spinster

The term “spinster” is commonly used for women who choose to live life without the “benefit” of love and marriage, and, in general, they are to be pitied. In truth, throughout history, spinsters (single women who worked and earned their own way) enjoyed more independence and freedom than other women who had no choice but to marry for financial and security purposes. Spinsters wove thread and communed with other spinsters to form communities.

From as early as Medieval times, spinsters formed communes, formed their own religious practices, and lived fully independently of society as a whole. They had such things as their own hospitals, bakeries, small farms, even breweries. In short, they had self-supporting economic freedom.

Were these women asexual, aromantic, lesbian, or all three? Perhaps. The point is they had same gender communities without the need for any romantic relationship or marriage.

Introduction of “Romance” into the Concept of Marriage

In the span of the history of man, the idea of a romantic relationship and romantic intimacy in marriage is relatively new. While romance in relationships was introduced in the Middle Ages, it did not become a major factor in marriage until far later. And as we know, in some societies, romance has nothing to do with marriage.

Today, in modern societies, people do marry for love. They spend time together, find compatibility in personality traits, and form romantic bonds that ultimately lead to marriage based on romantic love.

Where aromantics “fit” into this is up to them. Some opt for marriage; some opt for platonic relationships; and some opt for sexual relationships without the romance. And, of course, many aromantics are quite fluid in their aromanticism.

The Future for Aromantics

The pressures of amatonormativity are huge, that is, society’s belief that everyone is better off when everyone has an exclusive romantic relationship – marriage or long-term monogamous relationship. Now that aromantics have their own identity, it’s time to raise awareness of this identity as separate and distinct from all others within the LGBTQIA+ community as within the larger heteronormative society in which they live. There is work to be done, but it is getting done.

Flags and Symbols

Flags

As above, there are a lot of aromantic flags for each sub-category of this population. But is there one overall flag for the entire population? Yes. In 2014 Tumblr user Cameron Whimsy designed this:

This is the most commonly accepted aromantic flag, and here is an explanation of the stripes:

• Dark Green: Refers to the generic term aromantic.
• Light Green: Refers to the entire aromantic spectrum
• White Stripe: Refers to aesthetic and platonic attractions (e.g., queerplatonic relationships
• Gray: Refers to aromantic and demiromantic identities
• Black: Refers to the entire spectrum of sexuality

This is the third version of the aromantic flag and was designed in 2014.

Now, let’s take a quick look at the asexual flag:

It has four bars, each representing a key component of their identities:

• Black refers to asexuality as an overall identity
• Gray refers to demi- and gray sexuality
• White honors non-sexual partners and friends (allies)
• Purple represents the concept of community

But what about aromantic/asexual people?

Members of the community have created some meaningful flags. Here are three of them.

Oriented AroAce

The Oriented AroAce flag was designed by user Biaroace and posted on Tumblr. There are four stripes. The dark blue is for aroace. The gray is for connection with the greater ace-spec and aro-spec communities. The white is for an orientation apart from those communities. The green symbolizes nonsexual and nonromantic attraction.

Angled AroAce

The Angled AroAce flag was also posted on Tumblr. This time by user satyrradio. The flag uses yellow as this is a contrasting color of the blue on the Oriented AroAce flag.The brown gradient is intended to align with the gray on the aromantic and asexual flags.

AroAce Flux

This flag was created by Ezra Fabrick and posted on Quora. The colors do not have specific meanings to them.

Symbols

Aromantic people have a number of symbols to represent their identity and values

The Arrow

This symbol is a bit of a pun. Because aromantics are often referred to as aros, it seemed a good idea to have an arrow symbol. Note the colors are the same as on the aromantic flag. This symbol is often made into jewelry and buttons.

The Griffin

The griffin is a mythical creature, sometimes thought to symbolize the fact that aromantics are often not seen, invisible actually – mythical creatures cannot be seen either.

Again, this artist’s rendition includes the colors of the aro flag. Artist = Dragonstree on Reddit

Green Heart Symbol

This is a heart with the aro flag in it. It is often used as an emoji on social posts and comments.

Aromantic Ring

Both aromantics and asexuals have a ring symbol. Aces (asexuals) wear a black ring on the third finger of their right hand; aromantics wear a white ring in the third finger of their left hand.

Yellow Flowers

The going consensus among flower lovers is that yellow represents friendship (and to some happiness and new beginnings). Red is the color of romance, so aromantics avoid it. Anyone wishing to bestow flowers on an aromantic should make them yellow.

Ice Cream and Pizza

This is not an actual symbol, but a common saying among aromantics is that they would rather have food (i.e., ice cream and pizza) than a romantic relationship. So, these two food items are sort of symbols for them. Asexuals use cake in the same way.

Am I Aromantic?

Only you can decide if you’re aromantic. And only you can decide what it means to you. If you decide that aromantic is what you want to identify as, that’s fine, even if you are not completely certain.

There are some general signs that can help you make this determination.

Here are some signs. You don’t experience “crushes” the way others do; you don’t relate to romantic TV shows, movies, or books; flirting and romantic activities and gestures are a turnoff. You don’t engage in them, and you don’t want others to engage in them toward you.

If you feel you are aromantic, then, by all means, identify yourself as such. After all, you are the only one who knows best what you feel is the right identity for you.

Identifying yourself as aromantic can actually be rewarding. Once you have done this, you can then seek out organizations and find a community of like-minded people to which you can relate.

Aromanticism is a Broad Spectrum

As you’ve already read, there is a broad array of aromantics. You may fit one or more some of the time or all of the time. Being aromantically fluid is common and your right. You may have large numbers of experiences that fit all along the spectrum Embrace them and know that you are learning more about yourself as you do.

You May Have a Range of Attractions

Aromantics experience different attractions, and some may even be romantic, at least mild or temporary. Here are those you may feel:

• Sexual Attraction. Romance and sex are separate. No one has ever said that aromantics cannot be physically attracted to others, no matter what their sexual orientation might be. If you are sexually attracted to someone, go for it.
• Sensual Attraction. You may want to physically touch someone or be touched physically by them. This is not the equivalent of a romantic attraction. These are behaviors you have with family and good friends.
• Platonic Attraction. This relates to sensual attraction. You feel attraction for friends and co-workers; you have attraction to family members. These have nothing to do with romance.
• Aesthetic Attraction. You can appreciate physical attractiveness that others present and be attracted to them because of those looks. It might even become a sexual attraction.
• Alterous Attraction. This type of attraction is somewhere between romantic and platonic, and it may cause you some confusion.

Attraction is a blurry and somewhat muddy phenomenon. All of your attractions may fit one of these categories or be a mix of them. It’s all good.

You May Experience “Relationship Anarchy”

Societal norms for relationships can be pretty confining. There are such norms as heteronormativity, patriarchy, and, of course, amatonormativity which have already been explained. Aromantics generally do not favor such social norms and seek relationships that are outside of them. If you are a bit of a relationship anarchist, embrace it. You have a right to any relationships you wish to pursue.

Find Resources and Community

You will experience far less stress and pressure if you access good aromantic resources for help, support, and validation. Here is anexcellent listing.

How Can I Support an Aromantic

Aromantic individuals face many challenges and pressures, especially in a society that honors amatonormativity – the concept that people should enter into monogamous, long-term marriages or partnerships based upon romantic love, no matter what their sexual orientation may be.

Suppose you have a friend, perhaps your best friend, who has now told you that they identify as aromantic. You are confused, not exactly sure what that means. But, of course, you want to be supportive. How do you do this?

Very Well Mind has some concrete suggestions that should get you started.

• Tell them you care and want to support them, even if you do not understand the identity. Ask them if they are okay with you asking questions about it so that you can understand better.
• Show respect. Yes, you may not completely understand aromanticism, but you can be respectful of what they are feeling. Listen carefully to whatever they tell you, ask for clarifications, and then ask what you can do to be supportive.
• Don’t ever dismiss what they are feeling or telling you. Validate everything they say. And NEVER indicate that this may be just a phase that they will get over – big No-No! And above all, don’t try to “set them up” with someone in the hope that they will feel romantic attraction.
• Don’t assume anything. You are not aromantic so you cannot know what and how your friend feels. If you don’t understand something, ask, but don’t pressure them for an answer if they are not ready to talk about it.