Understanding The Aro-Spec Identity

Aro spec or Aro-spectrum is an identity category for individuals who do not experience romantic attraction in the way that others do. This is a catch all for people who have orientations or identities that are defined by a lack of romantic feelings. Keep reading to learn more about the aromantic spectrum along with this specific umbrella term.

Terminology

Here are some words and phrases that are relevant to the topic of aromantic spectrum identities and experiences.

Aro Spec

Aro spec is aromantic spectrum. The aromantic spectrum consists of a group of identities in which people do not feel romantic attraction, or have less intense romantic feelings than the average person.

Aromantic

The condition of experiencing little to no romantic attraction.

Ace Spec

Ace spec is the asexual spectrum. The asexual spectrum consists of a group of identities in which people do not experience sexual attraction, or have less intense sexual feelings than the average person.

Asexual

The condition of experiencing little to no sexual attractions.

A-Spec

This is an umbrella category created to contain all identities on the asexual or aromantic spectrum.

Romantic Attraction

Romantic attraction is the desire to have a romantic relationship or romantic experiences with another person.

Sexual Attraction

This is the desire to have a sexual relationship or sexual experiences with another person.

Romantic Orientation

Romantic orientation is the demographic groups to which a person’s romantic attractions are directed.

Sexual Orientation

This is the demographic groups to which a person’s sexual attractions are directed.

Platonic Attraction

Attractions not relating to sex or romance. For example, an attraction felt between friends or family members.

Aesthetic Attraction

Experiencing an attraction to physical features that does not lead to romantic or sexual feelings.

Demiromantic

Describes people who need a deep emotional connection before being able to feel romantic attraction towards another person.

Demisexual

A person who requires an intense emotional connection before being able to feel attracted to another person sexually.

Fictosexual

An asexual spectrum identity that involves being sexually attracted only to fictional characters.

Ace/Aro

Refers to both the asexual and aromantic spectrum. Many people see themselves as both asexual and romantic and will label themselves Ace/Aro or Aro/Ace.

History

The concept of aro-spec identity came about organically through online discourse on aromantic and asexual experiences. Users on platforms like Reddit and Tumblr engaged in various discussions in the early 2010s during which various categories and subcategories were created, debated, and validated.

While it is widely accepted within the aromantic community and the LGBTQIA+ community that the aromantic spectrum is valid, acceptance of these microcategorizations is not as universal. Not all people who have an asexual or aromantic identity embrace these categories or subcategories.

Those in favor of these detailed categorizations and full separation of asexual and aromantic identity markers often cite the following points:

• Validates the experiences of people on the aromantic spectrum who don’t fit into broad categories
• Encourages community building and building by allowing people to connect with others who share their more specific experiences
• Brings more visibility to lesser known aromantic identities
• Improves representation of lesser known identities in activism and advocacy
• Prevents erasure and gatekeeping within the community
• Encourages self-reflection and a deeper understanding of self by allowing those who need to a way to find a more detailed descriptor that works for them

Those who believe that introducing these subcategories and divisions do more harm than good, often cite the following points:

• Creation of these identity labels leads to more confusion especially to those new to or outside of the asexual and aromantic communities
• The current umbrella terms of asexual and aromantic are accepted as spectrum identities already and are adequate
• So many people identify as both on the asexual and aromantic spectrum that it doesn’t make sense to split these categories further
• This may cause division and gatekeeping within the community
• May lead to misuse or overgeneralization
• Could lead to mocking or invalidation of identities without enough benefit to the community to justify continued use

It’s important to understand that although there is criticism of these identities on a macro level, many who have these concerns also recognize the importance of self-identification. Ace and aro spec individuals should feel free to choose or create words and phrases that are validating for them.

Despite differing opinions on these categories and subcategories people with aromantic spectrum identities are receiving more support and validation. For example, aromantic spectrum awareness week was created to honor and bring visibility to those who experience romantic attractions in different ways.

Symbols And Flags

People who do not experience romantic attraction seek community and validation from others on the aromantic spectrum. Symbols such as flags allow those don’t experience romantic attraction to connect with one another, engage in activism, and show pride in the aromantic community. Those who do feel romantic attraction, but want to be advocates and allies may also use these flags to show support and solidarity.

Aromantic Spectrum Flag

The aro spectrum flag was created by a Tumblr user on a now deleted blog. This flag has many of the standard colors associated with aro pride, but there are a few changes. It contains light yellow for the aro community and dark teal to honor aromanticism as its own separate identity.

Aromantic Pride Flag

On the aromantic flag, the different stripes represent different aspects of aromantic spectrum identities. Dark green is for aromanticism. Light green is the spectrum of aromantic experiences. White includes aesthetic and platonic attractions as well as queerplatonic relationships. Gray is grayromantic or demiromantic people. Black is for the spectrum of sexuality as a whole.

Demiromantic Pride Flag

Demiromantic individuals only feel romantic attraction or desire a romantic relationship with another person if they know them well enough to feel an emotional bond. The demiromantic pride flag is a redesign of the aromantic spectrum flag with the colors having the same meanings.

Am I on The Aromantic Spectrum?

You have likely seen romantic attraction portrayed as something everybody experiences. It is simply assumed that everyone will become romantically attracted to others in their lifetime. Romantic fantasies and storylines are a key part of movies, TV shows, and books. But, not everyone experiences romantic attraction in the same way or at all. If you find yourself questioning your desire for romantic relationships or struggle to connect with romantic media, you could be on the aromantic spectrum. You may be one of the aromantic people who feels no romantic attraction, or only feel it under specific circumstances.

Even if you don’t experience romantic attraction, you may experience other forms of attraction. Remember that your romantic orientation is not your sexual identity. Also, its possible that your romantic identity to shift over time. That is okay too! Just like your gender identity, your romantic identity is valid the way it is now, and the way it will be in the future.

If you identify as an aromantic person, you may worry that your life will be missing something. Keep in mind that aromantic people can form strong emotional bonds through friendships, queerplatonic relationship, or other relationships that do not involve romantic attraction.

Romantic orientation is separate from gender identity and sexual identity, and one’s identity may shift over time. Some aromantic people form strong emotional bonds through friendship, queerplatonic relationships, or other identities outside of traditional romance.

What about sex? That depends. Lack of romantic attraction and lack of sexual attraction frequently occur together. It is understandable to see a sexual and romantic parallel, but that doesn’t exist all the time. There are asexual folks who love engaging in romantic activities. There are aromantic people who desire sex.

Can someone on the romantic spectrum have a normal dating life? That is up to you, and how you define normal. Some aromantic people are okay with engaging in romantic activities. They may not experience the same feelings as others, but may enjoy connecting with someone they love or pleasing them. On the other hand, there are individuals who find this to be an exercise in emotional exhaustion for no other reason than to meet societal expectations.

If you are still exploring your identity, that’s okay! There are resources for education and advocacy, not just for you, but others in your life. The Aromantic Spectrum Union for Recognition, Education, and Advocacy works tirelessly to support people just like you.

Supporting Somebody With an Aromantic Identity

Not everyone experiences romantic attraction. You can support the aromantic community by understanding that romance is simply not something everyone desires. There are people who are fully uninterested in romantic relationships, and others who may be romantically attracted but with less intensity or frequency.

That’s why the word spectrum fits here. Even people who don’t identify as purely aromantic still experience romance in varying degrees. Most of us know someone who is a deep romantic at their core, and others who approach romantic relationships with a certain lack of sentimentality. The more you understand this range of experiences and identities, the easier it is to approach all people with acceptance and inclusivity.

One thing you can do to validate aromantic, asexual, and other identities is to acknowledge the value of all types of love and relationships. Imagine being surrounded by narratives in media and even real life that focus exclusively on feelings and experiences that don’t resonate with you at all. That’s what aromantic people experience. They are constantly bombarded with romantic stories where the focus is finding a romantic partner. That isn’t to say that romantically attracted people can’t enjoy romance and romantic relationships. They can and should, but it is also important to validate platonic, non-romantic, and non-sexual bonds.

Supporting Someone You Know Who is Aromantic Directly

What can you do if a person you care about tells you they are aromantic, asexual, or another identify on the aro/ace spectrum? First, understand that they don’t need to be fixed. Not being interested in a romantic relationship isn’t a sign of mental illness or past trauma. Yes, there is a specific identity on the asexual and parallel aromantic spectrum that includes trauma survivors or those with emotional exhaustion who avoid these kinds of relationships, but aromantic mostly describes people who simply lack romantic attraction. This is also a great time to learn that aro and ace identities may both apply to some, they do not always coexist.

In any case, avoid trying to convince them that they just need to find the right one, or how great romance can be. Most asexual and aromantic folks understand why others desire romance, even if they don’t. Instead, focus on learning about aromantic identities. Look online for helpful resources to help you better understand why events like aromantic spectrum awareness week are important. Most importantly, validate their friendships and platonic relationships. Nobody should have to be involved in or desire a romantic relationship to feel acceptance.

Finally, be aware that there is no one way to be aromantic. There are many different identities on this spectrum. The person you know may develop romantic feelings in some situations. They may engage in romantic actions because they love someone who needs that. Some on the aromantic spectrum experience sudden spikes of feeling romance favorable – none of this invalidates who they are.