Zumping. It’s just another name for getting dumped. But here is the one big difference.
Usually, when you get dumped, you get a phone call or a text, or you just get ghosted. Maybe you have a rather major issue, and your partner says it’s over. Sometimes, you just grow apart and mutually agree to end it. Now, thanks to newer technology, dumping can happen face-to-face without actual physical presence. The “Z” that has replaced the “D” stands for “Zoom,” although there are many more video conferencing platforms that could serve the same purpose.
COVID has brought a rise in zumping for obvious reasons. Isolation brought many more people to online dating sites where they have made romantic connections. Online romances can certainly turn into love, but they may also turn into online breakups, via video chat. This doesn’t make them any less heartbreaking if you thought you had found the one.
If you have been zumped, you need a plan to recover. Here are some tips for getting back on your feet and out there again.
Being dumped is probably not new to you. We have all experienced it once or twice at least, so understand that you have lots of company, past, present, and future. You got over your previous dumpings, didn’t you? And so, you will get over this one – with time. Take a lesson from animals in our world. They literally go off by themselves and lick their wounds after they have been physically injured. You have been emotionally injured and need to do the same. Don’t rush back into the dating world right now – rebound relationships are usually destined for disaster.
Why do you think you were zumped? The answer could be as simple as your squeeze found someone else. Or it could be a question of basic incompatibility. This latter reason is pretty common, and it doesn’t mean that either of you is a bad or flawed person. But if you have identified a mistake or two that you made, then you will be better prepared for the next relationship. Good for you!
If the breakup was really hard on you, you will need to grieve of course. And you may experience some depression over it. While this depression is situation-based and not a permanent mental illness, it is still very real right now. Keep your supporters close by when you need them. And if you are really suffering, getting some temporary counseling might be a good idea. There are lots of online therapy resources at very reasonable prices, some even free.
It’s easy to fall into the “trap” of seeing yourself negatively, as someone who is not worthy or attractive to others. But it’s time to focus on all the good qualities you have. Even if you have to, make a list of your successes and achievements, as well as those personality traits you know you have – maybe you’re a good listener; maybe you put others before you much of the time; maybe you come to someone’s aid when they ask; maybe you are great in bed. While you’re analyzing what you may have done wrong, you must also do the balance.
There are lots of things to do to get “out there” that don’t involve a rebound relationship (really bad idea). Take a painting course – there are bunches of them online; re-decorate your home/apartment; become a foster pet parent; volunteer to tutor kids. The possibilities are endless, and none of them involve looking for another relationship.
Make plans with friends, but only those activities where you can go solo. If your friends all have partners and do “partner” things, decline those activities. You will only feel like a “fifth wheel,” and things can feel really awkward and uncomfortable. Happy hours with co-workers are great options.
This should have been #1 on this list. The break must be clean and total. Some zumpers will try to “orbit” you by following you on social media or contacting you via your dating app. Block them everywhere (and that includes on your phone). You need no reminders of this person at all. And don’t you dare check them out on social media either.
There is one positive thing about being zumped instead of being dumped in a lot of other ways. At least your zumper had the courage and respect to do it face-to-face. That speaks a bit to their character if nothing else. Still, it hurts. Take these suggested tips, and you’ll recover with grace.
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