The phrase women who love women (wlw) is almost always used in the context of sexual orientation. While this is certainly a key part of that framework, it also flattens the relationships between women to their sexuality alone. The reality is much more beautiful and full of complexities than that. Women loving other women encompasses friendship, community building, child-rearing, activism, and so much more. Yes, it includes sexual relationships too. So, what does it mean to truly love women, especially in a society that doesn’t? Let’s explore that along with the sad reality that not all women do love women.
Let’s Talk About Sex – How Comp Het Pushes Women Away From Women
Compulsory heterosexuality is the social norm that heterosexual relationships are the expectation – that they are the ideal. Comp het presumes that women will be attracted to and pursue relationships with men. As a result, many women who feel same sex attraction may interpret that is being abnormal or something to resist or simply ignore.
What are the impacts of compulsory heterosexuality?
- Lesbophobia and biphobia – When heterosexual relationships are presented as the best or only legitimate unions, that empowers bigots. Worse, women who are convinced their feelings about this are wrong or bad may deflect that self-loathing onto other women.
- Prevalence of late-blooming lesbians – Comp het leads to many women denying or ignoring their feelings of attraction. One of the consequences of this is the prevalence of “late-blooming lesbians”, women who come out later in life.
- Negative mental health impacts – When girls and women are shamed or invalidated for their feelings towards other women, they may experience self-hatred or otherwise struggle with their mental health.
- Lack of education – Whether it’s children in school who don’t learn about lesbian contributions to society or parents not getting their kids who do come out, comp het fosters ignorance.
While compulsory heterosexuality may cause women to deny their feelings of same gender attraction, there is still liberation to be found in coming out at any age.
Women Only Spaces And Communities
For so many women who love women, their journey to self-understanding and acceptance starts in spaces where other women are celebrated and centered. Women only or women-centered communities are physical and digital spaces that offer a sense of belonging while fostering a better understanding of women’s needs, goals, and contributions. From the earliest feminist collectives to online forums, women-only spaces have played a large part in how women find connection and affirmation.
Circles of Women Today And Throughout History
Historically, both straight women and married women have joined circles in search of companionship, safety, or just a place to share feelings with people who understand them. Many realized that deep emotional intimacy with friends can lead to something truly meaningful. Others found a sense of community that allowed them to discover new things about their faith, concept of self, and emotions. These spaces have always been vital in the pursuit of support accptance, and equality.
Friendship And Emotional Intimacy Between Women
Relationships between women who love women frequently blur lines between emotional and spiritual bonds – sometimes even sexual connection. This is because women are often better able to express open and deep feelings of affection than men are. This gives their relationships with women depth and allows them to experience a closeness that can awaken better understanding of their own desiries and self concept. This can lead to a journey of self-discovery.
This doesn’t mean that every intimate relationship between women is destined to lead to some lesbian awakening. Most don’t. Instead, they may experience new faith in the power that comes from support and care between women. In every edition of life, intimate partnerships play a significant role in how women define love.
When Women Don’t Love Women
Not all women learn to or choose to love or even respect women. Scholars in gender studies and psychology often attribute this to the patriarch. This tends to reward comparison and competition over support and commitment. Women who love wome recognize that these social pressures are particularly applied to straight and married women – who in turn view women as competition rather than trusted friends. The notion of loving women, whether that’s in friendship, as community members, or marriage, can feel out of place in a culture that discourages that kind of solidarity.
Some women participate in this only to realize later in life the consequences of these deep divisions. They may talk about how early conditioning created feelings of insecurity, envy, or fear. Many speak of the consequences of choosing proximity to power over standing by women friends.
Unlearning unhealthy patterns of competition is a helpful acto of healing. No matter if they are bisexual, lesbian, transgender, or straight, women can choose to gain a better understanding of one another. In this way, loving women isn’t just an orientation. It’s an action that is rooted in empathy, equity, and a desire to build community.
Intersectionality And Queerness as Part of WLW
When discussing women loving women, it’s important to acknowledge that gender isn’t the only factor that matters. Every woman’s gender experience intersects with different aspects of her persona. Her story is shaped by race, religion, class, ability, and culture. Women exist within different systems of privilege and oppression. This influences how they are seen, heard, and affirmed – even whether their words and experiences are believed or not.
Historically, how we define and examine women loving women has been rooted in the experiences of able-bodied, white, cisgender women. Yet, transgender, non-white, and disabled women have also shaped the cultural impact of women loving women. Their ways of expressing and experience love between women is just as valid. Intersectionality helps us to understand how affection, love, and passion look across different realities.
In order to foster true equity, WLW spaces must set aside token exclusion and directly address racism, ableism, and class bias. These spaces must create space for different experiences and realities that are shaped by family, culture, race, faith, background, and other identity markers. This includes women listening to women with a goal of empathy and understanding – not reactivity. When this happens, loving women becomes a genuine act of solidarity with the goal of equity, justice, and community building.
What Lesbian And Bisexual Women Get Right (And Wrong)
Lesbian and bisexual women are often seen as leaders when it comes to rethinking the way women love, support, and celebrate women. Many have had to fight hard for respect, visibilility, and acceptance in cultures where they have been marginalized. They have a unique understanding of how deep and human the act of loving women can be. They have seen how it nurtures faith in others, fosters connection, and tranasforms life. Through efforts such as activism, art, and community building, queer women have challenged the limitations of love and desire. ore importantly, they have created spaces where women who love women can freely share their feelings, journey, and passion.
Despite this, even queer spaces and communities have struggled to include all women. At times, bisexuals and lesbians have excluded trans and nonbinary women. They have also failed to confront the ableism and racism that exists in their own spaces. Some have upheld rigid norms about identities. For example, sapphic individuals and spaces excluding previously married women or other late bloomers. To address these issues, their most be a focus on listening, empathy, and accountability.
Where to Learn More About Women Loving Women
There is a wide range of storytelling and academic study that is involved in exploring the idea of women who love women. That’s led to a prolific collection of literature, historical writings, essays, videos, and other output. If you want to learn more about how lesbian, queer, bisexual, and straight experiences of love and connection have all contributed to love, affection, and solidarity, review the following recommendations.
Odd Girls and Twilight Lovers by Lillian Faderman is a great bood to get started with. It is a detailed review of how love and connection between women has evolved in modern times. Faderman has done extensive research to paint a clear picture of how married women, and others have all found themselves drawn into romantic or relationships with one woman. Sometimes these unions happen discretely, and sometimes they are carried publicly with boldness and excitement.
Leslie Feinberg’s first book, Stone Butch Blues is an achingly human story that began with one person’s search for love and belonging. Feinberg’s writing shows you just how self concept and gender come together. This book is a page turner will leave readers with a renewed understanding of those who fight to live authentically.
If you are interested in academic writing, should consider The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir. However, it is best to read the second edition or other later version. This great book explores deep, philosophical ideas on the evolution of love and gender roles. While her book is not specifically a review of lesbian lives, it is an integral part of the scholarly framework for following works that explore family, marriage, and gender.
Gender Trouble by Judith Butler was first published in 1990 with a second edition published in 1999 and a third edition followed by a fourth in 2006 and 2007 respectively. Butler’s published ideas expand on previous research and discourse on equity, desire, and experiences.
There is also an abundance of online creators who speak about their own relationships and exploration. For example, Glennon Doyle is a late-blooming lesbian who was once married to a man. She and her partner Abby Wambach create content on several social media and video platforms as well as having a podcast. She has also written several books and articles about her experiences.
Additionally, Danielle Bayard Jackson is a friendship coach with her own web page and socila media presence. She offers a new introduction to those who need help establishing, nurturing, or even repairing friendships with other women. Her content offers great insights and actionable advice. It’s worth an in-depth review for anyone who has decided they want some helpful yet easy to consume answers about these key interactions.
Whether you tap into these sources or find your own book titles and articles on women who love women, there is an abundance of information available.
How to Strengthen Your Bonds With Women
Queer, straight, single, and married women can all benefit from learning to live and exist in solidarity with one another.
Strengthening bonds among women, especially from a queer perspective, often begins with unlearning what we’ve been told about who we are allowed to love and how that love should look. For generations, women were believed to exist in competition—fighting for attention, resources, or validation—when in truth, we thrive most through connection. Whether single or married, queer or straight, the emotional richness of women’s relationships often defies neat categories.
Many married women, for instance, find deep meaning in friendships that feel like chosen sisterhoods. These bonds are not a mistake or a distraction from romantic life—they are part of the fullness of being human. A queer lens helps us see that affection, admiration, and loyalty between women don’t need to be confined to romantic scripts. The ways we hold one another, share care, and show up in daily life are love in action.
If you’ve ever fallen into the trap of thinking that only one kind of love matters, it’s worth re-examining that belief. The intimacy that grows between women through shared laughter, emotional honesty, and community support is every bit as transformative as romance. You might start small: reach out to an old friend you miss, celebrate another woman’s wins without comparison, or offer steady presence when she’s struggling.
There are countless articles and conversations exploring this theme, but what matters most is practice—the daily act of choosing connection over isolation. Women loving women, in any form, is a quiet revolution against systems that divide us. When we uplift one another, we are building a kind of solidarity that heals. Whether the bond is fleeting or lifelong, it reminds us that to love platonically is still to love deeply—and to fall, in the best way possible, into belonging.
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