When Your Lesbian (or Gay) Lover Decides They are Bi-sexual – How to Cope

Last Updated 24.04.2023
3 min read

You’re in a great long-term relationship. You’re in love and life has never been better. Then, your SO announces that they have decided they are bisexual. What? Well, this bit of news was certainly unexpected. Now what?

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Table of Content

    First of all, take a deep breath. This is not a time for “knee-jerk” reactions. It’s a time to get yourself calm, and you are better off not saying anything in the heat of the moment.

    What you now must decide is how you intend to cope with this revelation. So, here are some tips for you to do just that. 

    Understand You are Not Alone

    This is the most important thing to understand right now. You are not the first person to face this situation. That said, it might be a good idea to find others online who are in your situation. There are support groups out there. 

    Don’t Blame Yourself

    Sometimes the partner who is faced with this news begins to blame themselves. Somehow, they weren’t enough romantically or sexually.

    But here’s the thing: you are not responsible for anyone else’s sexual identity just as no one else is to blame for yours. So get this notion out of your head right now.

    We live in an age of sexual fluidity, and moving among gender identities is common and just fine. Your decision is how you respond and how you cope with this new situation.

    Dump the Myths

    Being a member of the LGBTQ+ community yourself, you have obviously heard the myths about bisexuals – they are promiscuous; they are only experimenting; it’s just a phase, etc. Make sure you don’t hold any of these in your head because they will influence how you respond and cope.

    Obviously, You Have to Have a Conversation (or Many)

    Once you know you are able to stay calm, it’s time to have those discussions with your partner. And you will have to ask questions that will be tough to ask.

    • Do they want to act upon their new sexual identity?

    • What do they want to do now that they are bisexual?

    • How do they see your future as a couple together?

    And you have to ask yourself some of these questions too. What do you want? Because your sexual identity and your preferences matter just as much.

    You Have Choices

    Let’s start with some basics here. Bisexuality does not mean cheating, and bisexuals are not mean or sneaky. If you and your partner have had an honest and trusting relationship, you will be honest with each other now. With that out of the way, it’s time for you to look at your choices for your future as well as for that of a partner you love.

    1. If your partner states they do not intend to act on their bisexuality, believe them. Nothing changes and you both move forward

    2. If your partner states that they want to explore their new sexuality outside of your partnership, you need to decide if this is something you can handle. If so, things will go on but with some obvious changes. 

    3. If your partner states they want to explore their new sexuality outside of your partnership, and you cannot be okay with that, then you will need to end the partnership. Staying in it and hoping this will be temporary is not fair to yourself or your partner.

    Whatever you choose, just be sure it’s best for both of you.

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