You’ve probably seen references to green flags or relationship green flags on TikTok and other platforms. Thre’s a lot of emphasis on focusing on positive traits that show somebody is a great partner for a potential relationship. But, how do you know what those positive signs are? Let’s get into the topic of green flags, red flags, and every color in between.
What Does it Mean?
Green means go! A green flag is a personality trait, habit, or behavior that is a good sign a person would make a great partner. They are emotionally healthy, mature, and respectful. You can expect good things in a dating relationship or friendship with them.
Green Flags Red Flags And Beige Flags
We know green flags mean a partner has it together. Red flags are warning signs that you are going to have a hard time creating anything sustainable with that person.
So, what are beige flags? They are unique, harmless personality quirks that aren’t objectively good or bad. For example, your partner can recite the entire script of the movie Mean Girls from memory. Beige flags can be good things if they are a sign of shared interests or passions.
Healthy Relationships: Encouraging Green Flag Signs
How do you recognize relationship green flags that let you know your partner has the ability to engage in a meaningful adult relationship, be a source of love and support, and handle the negative stuff with grace. Look for these signs to recognize green flags in friends and lovers.
They Are in Therapy
People who are open to talk therapy have healthy relationships. They are actively seeking to deal with past traumas, communicate better, and have taken on the responsibility of dealing with their issues. That’s a lot of green flags all wrapped into one. This is somebody who understands that romantic relationships shouldn’t involve repairing another human.
They Validate Your Feelings
You mention that something is bothering you. Do they listen, acknowledge your feelings, and show empathy? That’s great! Do they make you feel bad for sharing your thoughts, tell you why you shouldn’t feel the way you do, and make the situation all about themselves? Yikes! Red flag!
They Have a Healthy Relationship With Their Family
Here, the emphasis is on ‘healthy’. Ideally, your partner has an amazing family that supports them, and you love hanging out together. That’s not always the case. For some people, a healthy relationship with their family of origin might be no contact, low contact, and plenty of boundaries.
The point is this, somebody who has processed their family issues and come to term with that situation is a green flag. Just be wary of a person who is constantly entrenched in relative drama, blames their kin for their mistakes, or otherwise hasn’t dealt with those issues. Remember if they can talk things out with their folks, they are more likely to be able to talk things out with you!
They Make Time to Spend With You
People make time for the things that are important to them. If your partner can be relied on to show up on time, do the work of making plans for the two of you, and show that you are a priority, that is a definite positive. Be wary if they constantly cancel plans or make you feel as if you are always in second place after their friends.
They Have Their Own Interests And Friendships
If your partner has their own friends and interests, you can take that as a relationship green flag. This indicates that they value social contact with others and won’t need to be your center of attention at all times. They will most likely respect your need for slace as well. You will find that this form of independence just feels easy. Both of you will feel free to grow in your own lives and social circles as well as together.
They Are Financially Stable
Keep in mind that financially stable does not mean wealthy or without any financial struggles at all. The point is that your partner lives within their means, and is at least working towards getting on an even keel. The last thing you want is a relationship with somebody who continually asks to hold your money for them. Nobody is perfect, but it’s stressful and sad to watch somebody make consistent financial mistakes without seeming to learn from them. Talk about money early!
You Both Share The Same Values
Some people say you shouldn’t talk about or argue religion or politics on dates. They are wrong. These things along with your life goals, morals, plans for the future should be up for discussion, even early in your relationship. If you don’t align on the big stuff, how will this go anywhere. These are the things that drive behavior, determine how folks treat one another, and whether or not the person you are with is safe. This isn’t just important, it could be lifesaving for those who exist in queer spaces.
You Feel Encouraged to Care For Yourself
Does your partner want you to be genuinely healthy and happy? Do they encourage you to do things to keep your mind and body in good shape? If they give you space to do things that bring you confidence and make your feel great, that is another important green flag.
You Can Approach Them About Difficult Subjects
You have concerns. Something is upsetting you, or need to communicate about a touchy subject. What happens next? Do you have to spend days building up the courage to say anything? Do you worry about being criticized or given the silent treatment for daring to speak your mind? Do you struggle to feel heard or deal with gaslighting any time you have feedback that isn’t 100% positive?
That is no way to have a relationship. You should be able to talk about hard stuff, and to share both bad and good things. This is why the ability to be radically honest is always a green flag. If you can’t talk about the things that are important to you, what are you doing?
They Respect Your Boundaries
Does your partner respect your boundaries, or does every limit you set turn into an argument. It isn’t just frustrating to have to restate, explain, and defend your boundaries – it’s a clear red flag. If the mere mention of a boundary turns into a battle, that’s a serious lack of respect.
You Are Compatible With Regard to Intimacy
This one is a bit complicated. Most green flags are a reflection of your partner’s choices or behaviors. Libido, intimacy, and alignment around physical needs aren’t just a matter of choice. They are often an innate part of a person’s character. Yes, a person may be able to do some things to be more interested in intimacy or to dial back their desires. It’s just that there are limitations. Still, when this kind of compatibility is missing, you should definitely have some concerns.
They Celebrate Your Successes
In a healthy relationship, another green flag is when your partner genuinely celebrates your successes. For example, a boyfriend who takes time to recognize your achievements. When they listen to you speak about your goals, express joy, and act with enthusiasm over the good things that happen to you. That’s so much healthier than engaging in comparison or minimizing what you have achieved.
Look Out For Blurry Signals
In dating and relationships, there are red flags that can seem like green flags at first glance. It’s common to mistake certain behaviors as having honest intentions. Be careful. Over time, they could give reason for concern.
For example, your partner wants to be with you all the time. That may seem like they are madly in love, but maybe you realize later that they are discouraging you from being with your friends or pursuing your interest. That isn’t love or respect. It’s control. Remember that healthy connections include space to be ourselves, not just intense attachment or neediness.
Honesty is good, but can also be a red flag. Couples should be open, but be wary of somebody who uses the concept of brutal honesty to make you feel bad about yourself. Genuine honesty is about being calm, constructive, and leaving you feeling uplifted.
A partner who listens is a green flag. Unless they use that information to criticize you or hurt you later. Being a good listener should lead to great conversations that foster hope and growth. Listening shouldn’t be about taking mental notes to use against you and turn future arguments into a power game.
When somebody makes big efforts early on, you may feel deeply appreciated. Those grand romantic gestures can really sweep you off your feet when you start dating somebody. Before you notice it, you may feel swept up and begin to fall in love. Maybe it is love, but maybe it’s love bombing. Be careful about behavior that causes you to lose your perspective.
Finally, be careful of anyone who is always present and invested in your world. At first, you feel appreciated. But, this could be a sign that they don’t have a life outside of yours. They may end up using you as a constant source of validation or make your life events all about them. Eventually, dating stops being fun and you just feel like their emotional support animal.
Genuine green flags combine sincere effort, honesty, and mutual respect. Be careful about behaviors that are designed to make you feel a certain way but are part of a pattern that does not support a healthy relationship moving forward.
Find Your Positive Sign on Taimi
What’s the best way to ensure you’re only dating folks from the green flag pool? There are no guarantees, but start by getting to know people first. Talk openly and honestly! Don’t dive in too quickly. Try casual meet ups or group dating. Be forthcoming. Speak about the things that are important to you.
Some reflection and self-work can also help. If you’re traumatized by past relationships or can’t get over your ex, you might not be able to make the best judgments in your new partnerships. It may help to talk with a therapist who can help you develop skills to help you discern green flags from red.
You can also try Taimi. Our top, fully-inclusive queer dating app connects you with people in your area who would love to talk, date, and connect. Check it out to find your green flag mutual.
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