Want Sexy Dreams? Here's How

Last Updated 29.11.2022
10 min read

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In 1900, the book, The Interpretation of Dreams, written by Sigmund Freud, was published. Freud, who is considered to be the "father of modern psychoanalysis," was the first person in the profession of psychology or therapy to state that dreams were the result of the unconscious mind trying to resolve psychological conflicts and repressed desires, many of which they were not even aware of.

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    Since the publication of that book, there have been many professionals who have studied sleep and dreams in an attempt to analyze and interpret them, and to determine what impact the conscious mind activity during the day influences the dreams we have at night.

    Why Do We Dream?

    According to Freud, our dreams allow us to unleash our unconscious desires and stressors. Researchers today have lots of theories about why we dream, including building memory and recall, processing our emotions, replaying recent events in our lives, regulating our emotions and fears, and just brain activity without any real purpose.

    No one knows for certain, and the research continues through sleep studies all over the world.

    Dreams - Good vs. Bad

    We've all had nightmares, and we've all had amazingly great dreams that have us waking up happy and excited to greet the day. Some of those good dreams may have been sexual in nature, and those are especially fine.

    Wouldn't it be great if you could have a great sexual dream as often as possible? Is there some way you can train your brain to do that? Given that you don't really have any control over your mind while you are sleeping, it seems doubtful.

    Not so fast. There are those in the field of psychology who do believe that you can have some control over your dreams by controlling your waking life. You can also train your brain during your waking hours to have the sexy dream you want to have after you fall asleep.

    Dr. Christopher Winter is a well-known and respected sleep medical researcher and neurologist who has also authored a book titled The Sleep SolutionWhile he says we cannot completely control our dreams, we can work on having more sex dreams. Like all dreams, the content is based upon what is on a person's mind, either at a conscious or an unconscious level. During a time of conscious lucidity, a person may have lots of sex on their minds throughout the day. At the unconscious level, there may be repressed sexual desires that then rear their heads after falling asleep by showing up in their dreams. The result is that sex dreams can occur more often.

    What Causes Sex Dreams?

    Suppose you have not had sex on your mind all day. You go to bed with nothing particular on your mind. And then you have an amazing sex dream that is vivid and real enough that you remember every detail of it the next morning. What happened? You weren't even thinking about sex before you went to bed. Well, the research is still ongoing about these types of things and, in fact, dreams in general, but even repressed desires can result in dreams. These are things embedded in your subconscious, and you aren't even aware those desires exist. Regarding sex dreams, there seem to be three possible causes.

    Dissatisfaction With Sex Life

    This may be conscious or unconscious. If, for example, you are not getting enough or the sex you have is not good, then you may have a sexy dream that satisfies your sexual desires, with a dream partner who may be known or unknown. In that dream state, you have some great sex and may wake up feeling ridiculously happy.

    You may also wake up a bit confused. Maybe you had sex with someone you know at work, and you are not necessarily attracted to them at all. Maybe you had sex in the school cafeteria, a hotel bar, or some other crazy place. The details are not anything to be concerned about.

    But you should engage in some reality checks to see if your current sex life can be improved and how. Maybe in your dream, there was highly arousing foreplay or new positions that you can now try with your real-life partner if you have one.

    A Strong Attraction to Someone in Real Life

    If you've studied Freud at all, you know that he divides the human mind into three parts - id, ego, and superego. The id is all about what you want, with no restrictions. A baby, for example, is all "id." The ego is your concept of reality in your life - who you are, what you do, your goals, etc. The superego is your conscience - your sense of right and wrong - and it acts to curb that id.

    According to Freud, it is while dreaming that your id is allowed to roam freely without restrictions and that includes dream sex that may be totally out of reach or even "forbidden." And so, this person you are attracted to may show up in your dreams, and you may have mad crazy sex with them. This person could be someone in your everyday life who is "out of reach" or even a celebrity. In a perfect world of your dreaming, your id is satisfied, and that has been an amazing sex dream to remember for a long time.

    Someone You Admire but Not Romantically

    Ok. So, this is weird. You have a professor in a class you love. They are intelligent and engaging, and every class is a grand experience. They are also 30 years older than you, and your attraction to them is based on respect. And yet, here you are, having an amazing sex dream with them as your partner as if you are sexually attracted to them.

    Here's the thing. Having a sex dream may not always be about sex at all and are not always related to your conscious or unconscious sexual desires. So don't feel any guilt about that professor.

    Want to Have More Sex Dreams?

    You enjoy them. You wake up happier. You may even have orgasms during your dreams. So yes, you want more of this. And, according to Dr. Winter, there are things you can do that may help you do just this. Here are some suggestions for things you might try.


    During the day, and especially before you go to sleep, take some time to let your imagination run a bit wild. What type of sex would arouse you? Who would that sex be with? Add details about how you would actually hook up, where this hook up would happen, what you would like that person to do to you, and what you would like to do to that person. If you are in a position to engage in some self-stimulation with your fantasy playing out, all the better. All of this may bring about that fantasy in your actual dream.

    Set Up Your Sex Dream Scenario

    Before going to sleep, think about what physical surroundings are turn-ons for you. Are there specific scents that are erotic? What level of dress or undress (e.g., sexy lingerie, a thong, or full nudity) do you like when you are ready to have sex? Will watching porn or reading an erotic novel get you horny? They can stimulate lots of sexy thoughts and give a person physical cues for some foreplay before falling off to sleep. Is there a certain type of sexy music that gets you horny or certain mood lighting that will work?

    Getting into the "mood" for sex before falling asleep can stimulate sex dreams. And if that works for you, this is something you can do on a regular basis.

    Consider a Sex Diary

    When you have sex dreams that are especially good and that you remember in pretty good detail, you might want to write those down in a dream journal that you keep by your bedside. As you accumulate these notes, you will have some sizzling sleeping "stories" to read through and recall before you hit the sack in anticipation of some more detailed dreams.

    And even if you don't have lots of dreams to fill up your journal, write down some of your most erotic fantasies. Reading through them before you settle into bed for the night, even engaging in some self-stimulation as you do, may very well trigger a sleep solution that includes some amazing sex.

    It's important that you write each morning as soon as you wake up, says Dr. Winter. "Even people who say they don't dream will write something down from the night before...your brain dumps information over time - even within minutes after you wake up from a dream - to make room for more important stuff, so you'll want to act fast."

    A Word About Lucid Dreams

    This is a term you may not be familiar with, but you have probably experienced it. You are in the middle of a dream and all of a sudden you are consciou9sly aware that you are in the dream. You keep the dream going but you are then able to direct certain parts of that dream. While you cannot fully control all that happens in the dream, you can control parts of it, perhaps the characters and what they do, or some things that happen in that lucid dreaming.

    While lucid dreaming has been around for a long time, researchers have only recently begun to study it. What they know so far is that this lucid dreaming phenomenon occurs during the rapid eye movement (REM cycle) phase of the total sleep cycle.

    Lucid sex dreams do occur, and if this kind of dreaming is in your experience, embrace it. You are lucky that you can control some of what goes on in your lucid dreaming "world." And if you can identify patterns in those lucid dreams, they can serve to constantly remind you of the types of sexy thoughts you want to hold while still awake, especially any critical moment that you found especially erotic.

    So, if you have lucid sex dreams, write them down. It may help them to be repeated and keep that sexual pleasure ongoing in the future.

    Benefits of Sex Dreams

    Can you have the perfect sex dream? Perhaps. But the more you practice the suggestions for having them, the closer you can get to that "nirvana" of having them at will. And think about it. They can let you have sex without any physical effort; they can certainly reduce your stress levels if you are sex-deprived in real life; and the naughty part of any sex dream can inspire fantasies to act out when you do have actual sex with your partner or someone else as you are awake.

    With these obvious perks and all those potential benefits, why wouldn't someone want to practice the techniques to have as many sex dreams as possible? And if those lucid dreams occur, all the better - you get some say in what happens.

    So go for it - you have everything to gain and nothing to lose. Who knows? You might have the absolute perfect dream.

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