Unique Ways to Meet Gay Men: Tips For Guys On The Dating Scene

Last Updated 16.02.2022
14 min read

If you've been navigating the gay dating landscape for more than five minutes, you know it's challenging to meet gay men. You have to deal with all of the standard complexities of finding the right man. Additionally, there are other dating challenges that are unique to the gay community. Sometimes, you may feel like giving up on your quest to meet men altogether.

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You don't have to do that! There are amazing gay men out there. You must need to make the right connections.  If you are ready to meet gay men, keep reading. These gay dating tips cover the when, how, and where of meeting and dating gay men.

Would You Date Yourself?

Before you address the external challenges in your quest to meet gay men, it's time to look inward. What are you bringing to the table, and how are you presenting yourself? What about your expectations? Are you demanding more from other men than you do yourself? Nobody is perfect and everybody is deserving of love. Still, this is a great time to work on:

  • Living the lifestyle you want to attract (e.g.: Being on the party scene and trying to attract a homebody)
  • Getting over past dating relationships and resentments
  • Being honest about your willingness to commit
  • Developing hobbies and interests
  • Overcoming past traumas
  • Taking care of your physical and mental health

Are Your Demands Turning Men Off?

Now, let's talk about type. Naturally, everybody has their preferences including men who are gay. However, if you are too hyperfocused on finding someone who fits in a very specific category, you are going to struggle to meet gay men. You can have preferences and standards, and be open to a wider range of gay men.

Check Your Bias

Of course, it's impossible to talk about type without addressing one of the darker sides of the gay community. If your type involves racism or fetishizing people, that's not cool. Be willing to engage in some self-analysis and do better. Also, check the rules of your favorite dating site. Many ban exclusionary or racist language.

Learn to Navigate Gay Dating Sites

Not long ago, many dating sites didn't seem interested in serving the gay community at all. When they did, helping us meet gay guys was clearly an afterthought. Then came dating sites that seemed to focus mainly on hook-up culture. That was great, but not what all gay men were seeking.

A New And Improved Dating Site

Now, there are gay dating apps that cater to men with a range of relationship preferences. However, it's important to know how to present yourself on gay apps, and how to interact with gay singles you meet. 

That's pretty cool. As Aziz Ansari says about modern romance, "Today, if you own a smartphone, you’re carrying a 24-7 singles bar in your pocket."

Create a Dating Profile to Meet Gay Men

You want to meet gay men, but aren't having much success connecting with people on your favorite dating app. It could be that gay men just aren't finding what they need on your online dating profile. It's time to clean things up, so more men will want to connect with you online. Here are some tips to get started:

  • Choose a great profile picture that is-  Clothed, shows your face, and some of your body.
  • Open with a headline that is honest but not vulgar or negative
  • Communicate what  you want without shaming others
  • Show your personality!
  • Talk about hobbies and interests

By all means, avoid talking too much about your favorite TV shows. Author Maggie Wells says, "Don’t you think it’s weird how dating profiles emphasize listings of your favorite TV shows, movies, and books? It’s as if you are supposed to define yourself by how you distract yourself. It’s like impersonating a person — this is what I do instead of engaging with other people."

Stay Active to be Seen by Other Users

Finally, don't create your profile and forget about it. Update things from time to time, and actively participate in the activities that so many gay dating apps offer. The site may be set up to allow you to share updates, videos, or stories. Do that, to keep things active, and connect with other users.

Catch Attention with Great Pictures

Even if looks aren't the most important in your quest to meet gay men, your pictures are a key part of your experience in online dating. They don't just show people how you look, they highlight your personality. You won't get traction on any site without some great pictures.

Dating Site Picture Turn-Offs

When it comes to pictures of yourself remember to avoid the key turn-offs. These include grungy bathroom mirror selfies and shirtless gym pictures.  Save the NSFW pics for your DMs, but it's okay to be a little bit titillating. Also, cats and dogs are amazing. Kids and pictures of your ex.

Showing off Your Best Side

So, what does work when you want to attract men? First, learn to show off your physical features in a way that will truly attract gay guys. If you have an amazing smile, show that off. Do you have an amazing physique? Ditch the gym pictures, but share an action shot of yourself playing your favorite sport.

Always be Yourself

Of course, these are just guidelines. If you want to meet men who are quickly turned on by pics of you pumping iron at the local gym, go for it. The point is to be aware of the impressions that dating profiles can leave.

Learn to Communicate with Men on Dating Apps

Chances are, you've met men on dating apps who absolutely creeped you out, and guys who raised every relationship red flag imaginable. Have you ever considered that you may be interacting with people in ways that are toxic or unapproachable as well? If you want to meet gay men, and actually find someone to date, you have to know how to interact.

Internet Dating Etiquette

Start by learning the etiquette of dating online and in the community. Start by being responsive. Think of how you would want someone to behave if you reached out to them online. If a man reaches out to you, say something back. Most people appreciate a friendly refusal over nothing at all. 

On the flip side, remember that you can't control what other gay men do, or force them into a response. While it's polite for someone to respond after 24 hours, they may not do that. Resist the urge to follow up with additional messages. People will see this as a sign of neediness and desperation. That's either a turn-off or a way to attract gay men who want to take advantage of your neediness.

Be open and honest about your hobbies and interests. If you prefer quiet nights with Netflix, books, and video games, don't pretend you love hanging out in gay clubs to seem more exciting.

Should you talk about the heavy stuff right away? Sex and politics are two topics that are going to come up between gay men eventually. The question is when. The truth is that there are no hard and fast rules here. Many gay guys could care less about these things. If that's you, keep things light at first. 

That said, it's perfectly acceptable to be open about your dealbreakers. No man wants to have his time wasted, so if you could never date someone who isn't interested in monogamy or supports a certain political party say so early on.

Have you ever felt as if you have the same conversations with gay guys over and over again? That's because so many guys don't know how to have open-ended conversations online. Instead, people ask the same questions and give the same single-sentence responses. 

First, stop asking questions that you can find in the other person's profile. Instead, come up with interesting questions to ask that will get single guys to open up and talk about themselves. Then, come with things to say in response. That way, when guys ask "What are you into?", you have an interesting response.

Finally, use discretion when it comes to exchanging NSFW pictures. Gay guys should be able to consent to see these pictures or not. 

How to Meet Gay Guys In-Person

If you prefer to meet guys in person, you aren't alone. Even men who start relationships as members of a dating app user base want to meet in the real world eventually. Fortunately, there are more ways than ever for gays to connect with each other. These tips are all about connecting with other guys right in your own community.

Meet Gay Guys in Coffee Shops

A coffee shop is a great place for hanging out and meeting people. If you've met a guy online, this is also the perfect spot for a first-time meetup. Think about it. Your neighborhood coffee shop is probably:

  • Not too expensive
  • Quiet enough for conversation
  • A comfortable place with laidback energy

If you have a local website that is your source for gay-friendly spaces, you may be able to find coffee shops that are regularly frequented by gay singles. They may even schedule special events where you can meet gay men in a relaxed environment.

LGBT Community Events

It's hard to think of a more effective way to meet other gays than at events that are specifically tailored for members of the LGBTQ community. Yes, that includes your local pride events. However, there are plenty of other gatherings throughout the year as well.

Start by using google to search for events in your area that are meant for people who are gay. Chances are, you will find events ranging from volunteer days to sex-positive gatherings for people who want to hook up and party. 

Your favorite social media app is a great resource as well. Facebook alone has a great events section. You can even filter and sort to find activities that interest you. If you are part of any local, gay social media groups ask other members of the user base for recommendations.  

Don't forget the events section of your local newspaper either. You will find a number of options nearby.

Just a word of caution. Many of these events have a purpose outside of dating. You can meet potential friends and dates with similar interests. Just avoid treating these like a meat market.

Gay Clubs and Bars

There's no shame in heading to your favorite gay bar to meet a hot guy. In fact, they were quite literally designed for that purpose. So, make your way over and have a great time. You might find a partner for an amazing relationship, or connect with new friends.

Before you go, make sure you are ready to have and successful time. Just like online dating, there's a right way to approach the gay club scene. Don't worry, the rules aren't too strict for the most part anything goes. 

Tips for Hitting it off in Bars the Right Way

First, don't get sloppy drunk. If you do, chances are the match you make will be one you regret in the morning. Know your limits.

Next, talk to people. You've chosen this option because you want face-to-face connections. You won't find love sitting at a table and nursing your vodka soda. If you need a boost of confidence, go out with a group. They can hype you up to get out there and engage with others.

If you aren't the type to hang out in coffee houses, a great club can be a fun meeting place for your latest dating website match. Go with a group if that makes you feel safer, and have a great time. 

Use an Interest to Attract Other Gays

The question, "what are you into?" should cover more than just your sexual interests. Everyone has their thing, whether that's sports, fashion, music, or something else. Why not use that to connect with others who have the same interests. Here are just a few ideas.

Gay Sports Leagues

If you enjoy being active, check your local area for sports leagues that cater to gay men. If you find one, join up. Most are very welcoming and would be happy to match you with a team. Organizations like the United States Gay Sports Network make it easy to set up an account and register for a spot. 

Local Groups Relating to Your Hobby

If you haven't found the guy of your dreams in a gay online community, you may want to widen your search. Instead of centering your search for a partner on your shared sexual orientation, look for someone with the same hobbies. 

Unless you have interests that are really out there, chances are there are groups of people in your community who dig the same things. So, go meet up with them. Whether your people are into website design, choral singing, gourmet cooking, or something else, you can kickstart your dating life and connect with others. 

The Theater

You don't need to have Broadway dreams to have fun and meet groups of amazing gay guys in your area. All you have to have is an interest in local theater, and a willingness to participate. 

Theater groups are universally kind and welcoming. They are also desperately in need of supporters and volunteers.  Show up, have fun and meet a guy who also appreciates the theater.

Local Music Scene

You don't want to hook up with guys online, you think the bar scene is a drag, and you aren't into theater. What now? Have you considered connecting with men through the local music scene.

Head over to the site of your favorite local band, or a venue that attracts gay men. Then, make plans to get out of the house, enjoy a little music, and make a connection.

Build Your Interests and they will Come

None of the above is going to work for you if you spend all of your time on your couch watching drag race. You have to find an interest and work to get involved in it.

Although the idea here is to get you out of the house, you can get started online. Once you find your interest, search for a local site or social media group. Get to know some other users online. Eventually, you will be clued in on information about live gatherings.

Make Safety Comfortable for Everyone

It doesn't matter how you meet men, safety is always a concern. For example, men have created fake accounts as users on apps with the purpose of attacking or robbing men. While this shouldn't stop you from using any dating site, you should be careful. 

The best way to do this is to talk comfortably and easily about safety. When you do that, your potential partners will feel more at ease. Then, everyone can feel comfortable setting boundaries that ensure that everybody feels comfortable meeting up.

Final Thoughts: Relationships Shouldn't be a Struggle

Whether you want to find love or casual sex, there's a dating option that will work for you. Just remember that all of this is supposed to be fun. If the dating process only makes you miserable, or your relationships don't pan out, take a step back. Pride writer Zachary Zane says, "After repeatedly experiencing so many bad dates, feeling like that no matter what you do, every guy you date is a jerk, and every relationship is going to end poorly, you stop trying to meet new people. You become jaded and reclusive. You may even unconsciously sabotage good relationships because you assume there’s no way that’s it going to work out in the end."

There are so many dating options available, you may simply be pursuing the wrong scene. It's okay to switch things up. It's also perfectly fine for you to take a dating break. Focus on yourself and your friends. Then, you can pick things back up with dating at your favorite hangouts or on your favorite online platform.

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