Realizing You’ve Dated Every Other Gay Person in Your Area
Welcome to small-town gayness. If you’ve ever lived in a small, rural community you know that it is more than possible to date and break up with every gay person in your area. Yes, that includes the closeted folx as well.
Friends And Family Want to Set You Up With The Only Other Gay Person They Know
The number of people who assume that “gay” is the sum total of a person’s personality is absolutely shocking. It’s as if they think every gay person just wants to date any other gay person they happen to encounter. Hey, straight people! If you’re reading this, please remember that gay isn’t a type.
You Have Now Reached The End of The Gay Dating Internet
You’ve been swiping through nearby matches. Nobody is interested in going out. You’re not impressed by what you see. So, you keep swiping. Then, you realize that there are no more options available. All there is to do is sit around and marinate in the consequences of your own pickiness.
Obnoxious Questions About Dating Relationships
It’s considered universally offensive to ask a straight couple questions about how they get intimate with one another or to make weird inquiries. Yet, it seems to be perfectly acceptable for many to do just that when they encounter gay couples.
“Which one of you dudes is the man, and which is the woman?” That’s just one of the rude questions gay men encounter from people who believe they must adhere to traditional male and female roles. Gay couples who marry are expected to identify themselves as brides or grooms. Even the “Are you a top or bottom?” questions come up regularly.
It’s gross, objectifying, and offensive. Worse, people who feel as if they can comment this way often identify themselves as allies. They believe that having a gay best friend or a rainbow bumper sticker gives them the right to be that forward.
Racism And Transphobia in The Community
The LGBTQ+ community has had to endure violence, discrimination, hate, and policies that were designed to kill us. The good news is that we’ve survived and thrived.
The bad news is that it hasn’t stopped a segment of our community from leaning into that hatred and turning it toward other gays. It would be one thing if it were a rare occurrence. Unfortunately, the truth is that you don’t have to spend much time at all on gay dating apps or other communities to find the hate.
It doesn’t take much scrolling to find a profile that body shames others or makes racist statements. People have even created these dog whistles to get away with their bigotry. For example, “I hate rice” is a coded language in gay dating vernacular for “no Asians”. Other forms of hate are less subtle like, “No fatties” or “No femmes”.
It’s sad that people have to face transphobia, body shaming, and racism within the one community where they should be able to expect support.
Bi-Erasure
Bisexuals are often excluded in queer spaces by people who think they are just playing gay for the experience. Others simply assume they will pursue straight relationships once they face any sort of friction as a result of spending time in the gay community. They are often dismissed in straight spaces as serial adulterers, or just confused.
Dating People in The Closet
There are many people who haven’t come out yet and have very valid reasons for waiting. It may be unsafe for them, or they have emotions they haven’t navigated yet. They deserve support, and to be able to come out on their own terms.
That said, dating someone in the closet does present some challenges. For example, you may never meet their friends or family. Worse, you may play the role of “good friend” to throw suspicion off. Keeping another person’s secret is a big job. The payoff isn’t always worthwhile.
PDA Isn’t Always Safe
Feelings about PDAs can vary widely. Some people have some strong thoughts about it, especially if we’re talking about full-on public makeout sessions. However, there is an extra level of concern for members of the lgbtq+ community. Depending on the political climate, PDA for gay people isn’t just frowned upon. It can be truly unsafe. In hostile places, gay people must decide if something as innocent as holding hands will put them in physical danger.
The Big Takeaway
Dating is fun, and really the only way to meet someone who could be amazing. Still, it can absolutely be exhausting. We wonder how straight people would manage if they could experience the exhausting parts of gay dating. Now, that would be a reality show we would pay to see.
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