Are you two exclusive? That’s a loaded question. It assumes that monogamy is the only option for commitment. But, the reality is that deeply loving, dedicated relationships come in many forms. People are coming to understand that while exclusive dating is amazing for many, there are many ways to forge a deeper bond. Let’s take deep dive into the differences and similarities between Exclusive and Inclusive relationships.
Relationships – A Primer
Relationships involve a deeper commitment and bond between partners whether they are defined as exclusive, inclusive, or something else. By educating yourself about the differences between exclusive and inclusive relationships, you are in a better position to navigate the dating ecosystem Further, no matter which relationship structure works for you, the key is communication and mutual respect.
Exclusive Relationships Defined
An exclusive relationship is a monogamous pairing where partners agree to date only one another. The goal is to forge a deeper commitment through exclusivity. Often, an exclusive relationship is intended to be a stepping stone to something more. For example, cohabitation or marriage is often seen as a sign of an exclusive pairing.
There is also an undeniable emotional weight to these relationships. Exclusive dating means you spend a lot of time and emotional energy on your bond with a single person in hopes that things will last for the long-term. Partners in an exclusive relationship do not date other people. Abiding by this is crucial to building and maintaining trust.
Characteristics of Dating Exclusively
Dating exclusively involves enjoyong sending time with one person and feeling a sense of commitment only to them. It is the stage of a relationship that is defined by increased intimacy and a deeper emotional connection. When partners are exclusively dating, they often communicate openly about their feelings and expectations – setting ground rules for what an exclusive commitment means for them. Exclusive dating can lead to a deeper level of commitment, but partners must be sure they are both on the same page.
Inclusive Dating: An Alternative Approach
Inclusive dating is an alternative approach to exclusive relationships where partners may date multiple people. Here, priority is open communication, mutual respect, and a focus on emotional intimacy. Inclusive relationships can benefit people who want freedom and variety in their dating lives, but still value an exclusive bond with one specific person.
However, it is crucial to establish clear boundaries and expectations in an inclusive relationship. Everyone deserves to know what they are signing up for. Otherwise, confusion and hurt feelings can emerge from mismanaged expectations.
Characteristics of Dating Inclusively
Every couple decides what their inclusive relationship will look like. However, it often includes two people with a primary commitment to one another with other dating relationships playing a secondary role. Some emhasize no emotional connection outside of the primary relationship while others are fine with it as long as other commitments don’t disrupt the primary relationship.
Committed Relationships: A Deeper Level of Commitment
Committed relationships involve deeper emotional investment than others. Partners involved in a committed relationship have often discussed their long-term plans, such as getting married or starting a family. These relationships rely on communication, trust, and mustual respect. Committed relationships can be very rewarding, but they also come with their own set of challenges.
Exclusive Dating: Benefits and Considerations
Exclusive dating can give people a sense of commitment and security that can be benefical for mental health. It also aligns with many folks’ life goals and visions for the future. Of course, these kinds of relationships also align with views and expectations held by many cultures and religions too. This is a valid way to choose to partner with another person, and often leads to fulfillment, connection and satisfaction.
At the same time, it’s important to consider potentail drawbacks:
- External pressure to commit in a new relationship before one is ready
- Possessiveness and jealousy may also drive premature commitment
- Boredom and complacency may become an issue
- Obligation to stand by a partner if one feels as though they have invested significant time, money, and energy into a partnership.
- Partners who have incompatible libidos and interests with no other outlets may develop resentments
Finally, when a long term exclusive relationship ends, and other partners have been off limits, the resulting loneliness can be devastating. People may feel as though they invested time without fostering other beneficial relationships.
Conflict Resolution When Exclusively Dating
Conflicts occur between all couples, even those in a monogamous relationship. While there is no right or wrong way to resolve an argument in an exclusive dating relationship, some goals and principles are pretty universal. First, open communication is key. So, is emotional honesty. Compromise is also imperative as the goal is to resolve the conflict while maintaining exclusivity.
Protecting Your Mental Health When Dating Exclusively
There are many benefits to exclusive dating. People who choose monogamy believe they develop a deeper connection. There’s also something satisfying about being in sync with or on the same page as the person you are with. This happens when you and your partner really enjoy spending time together and get to know one another. On the other hand, it can be easy to get lost in a committed dating relationship. You may begin to feel as though you have become part of a pair and given up some of your individuality as part of that. sometimes, important relationships with friends and family get pushed aside.
None of these things means that exclusivity is bad. It simply means that you have to work to maintain a sense of self, keep up relationships outside of your partnership, and maintain your interests. Be wary of a partner who seems to think that exclusivity means losing your independence.
Inclusive: Dating Benefits And Considerations
Unlike exclusive dating, inclusive dating allows both partners to explore the dating world while still maintaining a committed relationship. Couples who opt for this usually set ground rules for this such as casual dating only, communicating about health related topics, and being transparent if feelings develop. Inclusive dating may seem like a modern dating trend, but the history of various forms of non-monogamy actually runs fairly deep.
So, what are the perks of inclusive dating? Why would a couple choose to add more people to the equation? First, the assumption that exclusive dating will meet each person’s needs just isn’t true. The reality is that two people can be deeply in love and want to maintain a primary relationship with one another, but still have physical and emotional needs that aren’t met.
Some people choose compromise while maintaining exclusivity. Others opt to allow one another to explore other connections within parameters both agree on. For example, a couple may agree that each partner can maintain an account on a dating app – as long as they disclose if they choose to have a relationship with another person. Couples who choose inclusivity may experience less resentment and frustration as they don’t feel as if they have to give things up in order to maintain a primary relationship.
That said, inclusivity adds complexity and ethical concerns. Here are some of the issues that can cause these relationships to fail:
- Rejection or pressure due to cultural or social norms
- Family and friends not respectng or taking your relationship configuration seriously
- Poor communication within the couple or with metamours
- Logistical struggles when more people have to be considered
- Misleading others regarding how they will be prioritized
- Developing deeper feelings towards metamours
- Avoidance of difficult conversation
- Mismanaged expectations
Any person who is interested in an inclusive relationship must go over the details of this with their life partner. Additionally, constant check-ins are a must. This isn’t a one-time conversation, but an ongoing dialogue where each person must be willing to talk about which aspects of an arrangement are working for them and which are not. Relationships thrive when everyone involved is clear about where they stand. Refusal or inability to discuss important issues is a sign that a relationship is in danger.
Resolving Conflict When Inclusively Dating
The best way to resolve conflicts in inclusive dating is to combine honest communication with actionable steps. Start by naming the issue clearly. This helps ensure you are both on the same page and that you and your partner stay focused on what needs to be resolved without dragging in side issues. Once you determine what the problem is, keep the conversation focused on actions not assumptions. It’s okay to discuss feelings – those are important. Just be truthful and own your emotions. For example, say “I feel frustrated when you say you support me dating others, but act resentful when I do.”, rather than “You constantly make me mad by being petty and resentful.”
Check ins about the future of your relationship and whether inclusive dating is still the right choice are a good thing. However, that doesn’t mean that every conflict is about that. Be sure to respond to the issue at hand, and only center non-monogamy when it is truly the issue.
If emotions run high, take a break and agree tot alk again once neither of you is feeling quite so reactive. You can also help one another feel heard if you both agree on what each person needs moving forward. This shows that you support the other and have a sincere desire to improve your lives together. By following these tips, you will generally create better outcomes for yourselves.
Protecting Your Mental Health When Dating Inclusively
If you find yourself struggling with your mental health as part of an inclusive relationship, it’s important to be honest with yourself and your partner about the source of the distress you are experiencing. The reasons for your struggles might include:
- Doubts about your comfort with inclusive relationships
- Resentments over lack of support from your partner
- Rejection of pressure from disapproving friends or family members
- Struggle with the transition from a monogamous to a non-monogamous relationship
- Navigating life and relationship issues that impact all couples
Once you know where you are struggling, you can take the right steps and have fruitful conversations about what to do next. Whatever the issue, just know that there is support out there. You could try talking to a therapist who affirms these kinds of relationships, or find online communities where like-minded people will have tips and insights for you.
If you decide that inclusive relationships aren’t for you, it’s okay to transition to a relationship structure that works for you. At the same time, know that every bump in the road isn’t a sign that things are doomed.
Are Inclusive Relationships For You?
Why do people choose inclusive relationships?
- Less pressure to find a perfect partner – When someone is able to date others rather than remain exclusive, they can connect with a variety of people who share their values and interests, or meet their physical and emotional needs. Two people no longer have to be “everything” to one another.
- Creating a larger support network – For many, the idea of inclusive dating aligns with a greater desire to engage in more communal living where labor, emotional support, and even finances are shared.
- Avoiding potential resentment – Some inclusive couples are deeply in love, but recognize that each has needs and preferences the other may not be able to fulfill.
- Personal and sexual autonomy – Not every person believes that commitment to another means they give up their autonomy. For them, maintaining a sense of personal freedom means that they can have a primary commitment, but also feel free to pursue other relationships that are meaningful to them.
If these reasons resonate with you, then you may be a good fit for inclusive or other polyamorous relationships. You can learn more about that by following accounts like Decolonizing Love, speaking with people who are poly, or finding related reading online. The important thing is to communicate honestly with your primary partner and any future partners about your intentions as well as set clear ground rules.
The Future – Relationship Diversity Becomes Normalized
Throughout history, relationships have changed according to social norms, religious and cultural expectations, need for stability, and even physical safety. Although monogamy has been the expectation in Western societies for centuries, an important shift is happening. People are beginning to realize that the best relationship is one that meets their needs. Many are discovering that they can find physical and emotional fulfillment when they are open to inclusive arrangements. At the same time, monogamy is certainly not going anywhere. That’s a good thing too. The best future is one in which individuals are free to embrace what works for them.
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