“Fake news.” It’s a relatively new term that usually refers to spinning, exaggerating, or downright lying about political events or issues. But there’s a lot of fake news out there in other categories. And it's been around for some time. We sometimes call them myths. So, in honor of Transgender Awareness Week, it’s time to call out the “fake news” about dating transgender people that has been around too long. Here we go. Let’s unpack them one by one.
Myth: Dating trans people automatically makes you queer.
Truth: The dating arena that involves transgender people is wide and varied. Heteros of both sexes date trans women and men. Thus, a hetero male will date a trans female who has undergone transition surgery. He is obviously not queer. Do gays, lesbians, and bis date transgender people? Yes, they do. But just dating a trans person has nothing to do with gender identity. And here’s a news flash. There are plenty of heteros out there who have actually married transgender people who have become their true selves.
Myth: Trans people want to trick you into dating them.
Truth: Oh, please. If you have read any of the stats on the acts of violence committed against trans people, you should understand that this is a complete myth. Transgender people understand the terrible risks they take if they try to trick unknowing dates about their identities. They are much more inclined to explain their sexual identity and the status of their transition up front so that they are never placed in a situation where they may face a violent response to the truth about their identity. Trans people are born into the wrong body. This does not make them liars or tricksters. If they have made the full surgical transition, they may not want to reveal the whole truth about their background. But they are not trying to trick you. They are fully and biologically their correct gender now.
Myth: All transgender people are kinky and obsessed with sex.
Truth: Transgender people come in a variety of shapes, styles, and sexual desires and preferences. They are just like all other humans on this planet. Are some of them into kink? Yes. Are some of them into more traditional sexual activity? Yes. Are some of them more sexually active than others? Yes. Is this also true of heteros, lesbians, gays, and bis? Yes.
This need to stereotype transgender people as somehow different or weird in their sexual behaviors has been long-standing and is still held by so much of society. Just take a look at the uproar about transgender people use of bathrooms. And how many current politicians hold to the belief that transgender persons are going to use bathrooms as a place to sexually attack others? Really, the ignorance is appalling.
We all have the right to date whomever we choose, so long as we are both adults and so long as we both agree on the parameters of our dating relationships and sexual behaviors. Anything that two adults agree upon is right and correct.
So, are there people who refuse to date trans people, even though they have completed full transitions? Yes, there are. It’s called transphobia. And this is usually because they have “bought in” to the three myths listed above. Can their minds be changed? Who knows? They need some “education,” to be sure. Will this change them? Maybe, maybe not. If you, as a transgender person, face this type of rejection, take it in stride. Just move on.
Of course, this is a valid preference, but how common it is may still be up for debate. There are no statistics on this but it does have a name – skoliosexuality. If you are a trans person dating a skoliosexual, you will probably want to explore the reasons for this. But you will also want to set up some parameters based on your needs. You may or may not want your date to reveal your trans status to friends or family – that’s your right.
As a trans person, you are probably tired of the “fake news” surrounding your gender identity. No one can blame you. You have come a long way toward tolerance and acceptance, but there is still much to do. Don’t sit back and become complacent. Assert your validity, stay active, and hold your head high. You are valued.
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