Myth: Dating trans people automatically makes you queer.
Truth: The dating arena that involves transgender people is wide and varied. Straight people of both sexes date trans women and men. For example, a man who is straight might date trans women, whether or not they have undergone bottom surgery. This does not necessarily make him queer. Do gay men, lesbians, and bi people date transgender people? Yes, they do. But just dating a trans person has nothing to do with sexual identity, as you do not need to have any specific sexuality to be attracted to a person who is trans. There are plenty of straight people out there who are happily married to transgender people who are happy with the point of transition they are at.
Myth: Trans people want to trick you into dating them.
Truth: Oh, please. If you have read any of the stats on the acts of violence committed against transgender people, you should understand that this is a complete myth. Transgender people understand the terrible risks they take if they try to trick unknowing dates about their identities. They are much more inclined to explain their sexual identity and the status of their transition up front so that they are never placed in a situation where they may face a violent response to the truth about their identity. Many trans people experience body dysphoria to some point. There are some people who have described their dysphoria as feeling as if they had been born in the wrong body, while others describe it as some aspects of their body not matching what they believe feels right to them. This is because a trans person is simply a person who does not identify with the gender identity that was assigned to them at birth. This does not make them liars or tricksters. If they have made the choice to undergo bottom surgery, they may not want to reveal the whole truth about their background. But they are not trying to trick you. They are their correct gender now.
Myth: All transgender people are kinky and obsessed with sex.
Truth: Transgender people come in a variety of shapes, styles, and sexual desires and preferences. They are just like all other humans on this planet. Are some of them into kink? Yes. Are some of them into more traditional sexual activity? Yes. Are some of them more sexually active than others? Yes. Is this also true of heterosexuals, lesbians, gays, and bis? Yes.
This need to stereotype transgender people as somehow different or weird in their sexual behaviors has been long-standing and is still held by so much of society. Just take a look at the uproar about transgender people use of bathrooms. And how many current politicians hold to the belief that transgender persons are going to use bathrooms as a place to sexually attack others? Really, the ignorance is appalling.
Some Additional “Real News” About Dating a Transgender Person
We all have the right to date whomever we choose, so long as we are all adults and so long as we both agree on the parameters of our dating relationships and sexual behaviors. Anything that adults agree upon is correct.
Refusing to Date Trans People is a Valid Preference
There are, of course, people who refuse to date trans people no matter what stage they are at in their transitions. For these people the reason is usually transphobia. Transphobic people often buy into the rumors, myths, and negative stereotypes about trans people. But just remember that just because a person just happens to not want to date a trans person this doesn’t mean that they are transphobic.
Here are a couple of examples of more valid reasons a person may refuse to date a trans person.
Many people are willing to date trans people but are only willing to date when certain criteria are met. These criteria can include genital preference or body preference. Having genitalia or body preferences can be treated in the same way as having a type that you are attracted to.
Another valid reason is sexuality, or, in this case, a lack thereof. A person who is asexual or aromantic may not find a reason to date a trans person and that is perfectly okay as well.
Of course, if you take away the word trans from the equation there are many valid reasons any person might not date just any other person. Ultimately it all comes down to preferences, and just as a trans person may not be attracted or interested in every person they come across, other people may not be fully attracted to everyone else they come across regardless of whether or not they are trans.
Choosing to Date Only Trans People is a Valid Preference
Of course, this is a valid preference, but how common it is may still be up for debate. There are no statistics on this but it does have a name – skoliosexuality. If you are a trans person dating a skoliosexual, you will probably want to explore the reasons for this. But you will also want to set up some parameters based on your needs. You may or may not want your date to reveal your trans status to friends or family – that’s your right.
Time to Bury the Myths
As a trans person, you are probably tired of the “fake news” surrounding your gender identity. No one can blame you. You have come a long way toward tolerance and acceptance, but there is still much to do. Don’t sit back and become complacent. Assert your validity, stay active, and hold your head high. You are valued.
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