Billy and Asley were placed in a crowded orphanage shortly after being born. Their treatment in the orphanage was very different. Billy’s physical needs were met as he lay in his crib. – he was fed, changed, and left alone. Ashley became one of the “darlings” of the orphanage with plenty of physical cuddling and psychological nurturing.
Ultimately, both Billy and Ashley were adopted by the same couple. As they grew and developed in their new home, Ashley flourished. Billy, on the other hand, seemed unable to establish a loving relationship with his parents. He avoided their nurturing physical overtures. Ultimately, he was diagnosed with reactive detachment disorder, based upon the early lack of nurturing relationships with his caregivers. Cuddling with him was out of the question.
While Ashley continued to flourish through her adolescence, Billy became more difficult. He stole from his parents, broke into neighbors’ homes, and even sexually abused a minor. He ultimately was imprisoned for a lengthy time.
This story is actually true. And it is an example of the critical importance of physical touch and nurturing that humans need. This is all reinforced by research.
What the Research Shows
Human touch. How important is it? Well, there is a large body of research that speaks to the need and the benefits of physical contact. This research included human subjects and the importance of physical contact between a newborn infant and its mother within the first hour. Such contact regulates several bodily functions of the infant and also helps to release those “feel good” hormones in the mother which serve to lower stress and blood pressure.
Another well-known researcher, H.F. Harlow experimented with monkeys to determine the importance of parent-child relationships. Given two mother figures, one wire with food and one furry, the babies chose the furry parent who did not offer food. In another experiment, he isolated infants with no skin-to-skin contact with a mother figure for up to two years. They were otherwise fed and their cages cleaned. Those babies showed serious disturbances when released from isolation. (one note here: Harlow’s experiments were a key factor in animal rights groups’ work toward ending animal experimentation.)
How We Satisfy Our Need for Physical Nurturing
Covid had a huge impact on those who lived alone in isolation Interestingly, for those who had a furry friend, the impact was far less severe. Of course, being in a long-term relationship and living with a partner means that physical nurturing is always available.
For those who are single and not in a relationship, physical nurturing can be a challenge, especially when they are stressed, anxious, or dealing with any number of issues that could be at least somewhat alleviated by physical nurturing. In fact, this need has given rise to a relatively new enterprise – professional cuddlers. If you’d like some more detailed info about the use of professional cuddling, here’s a great video produced by a person who hired one and reaps the benefits of cuddling.
Benefits of Cuddling
There are both emotional and physical benefits of cuddling:
Reduction of Stress and Other Emotional Issues
When we are stressed or facing other issues, we risk high blood pressure, digestive problems, and sleep problems. Cuddling lowers these risks by causing the release of oxytocin, sometimes called the “feel good” or love hormone, which brings about pleasant feelings, alleviating those risks.
Increases Closeness of Partners
Cuddling fosters emotional intimacy between partners. Whether it’s as simple as holding hands under the blanket while falling asleep or all the way up to full body contact, both partners feel much greater affection for each other.
Improved Sleep
Whether couples cuddle before falling asleep or remain in a cuddling sleeping position throughout the whole night, cuddling improves the amount of and sleep quality.
Improved Sex Life
Partners who cuddle before and after sex report greater satisfaction from their sex and that, in turn, brings greater overall happiness and satisfaction to the relationship. Knowing this, and if you are not someone who cuddles regularly, you’ll want to read on for some help and tips.
Overall Health Improvement
When blood pressure, digestion, and other bodily functions are operating well; when better sleep is the norm; and when stress and anxiety are reduced, the body is in good shape. Such good shape boosts the immune system too.
With all of these benefits, it only makes sense that you should explore the world of cuddling positions, experiment with your partner, and find one or more that bring both of you the greatest satisfaction.
Cuddling Positions
Spooning
Spooning is one of the most common cuddle positions, which most people love as it is easy to replicate and can help two people cuddle and fit in a bed or even on a couch.
There are two ways for these cuddling positions to work for each partner – being the big spoon or the little spoon. Here’s how it goes.
If you are the little spoon, you lie on your side with your knees bent. Then your partner lies on their side, facing your back, and wraps their arms around you, sorta like a bear hug. That is the big spoon position.
As the partner in the big spoon position pulls their partner in, their middle and lower back rest on the chest of their big spoon, and the result is full body contact.
Sometimes the smaller partner can be the big spoon too. In this case, there may not be full body contact, but the cuddling position is still great. When the bigger partner is the little spoon, the smaller partner can still use their hand and arm to rub and stimulate the partner’s body and can draw their knees up to encircle the butt of the little spoon.
Also, Spooning can be used while making love and holding the person you love close. It is a very intimate cuddling position both during sex and not, reduces stress in the body, and can make your time in the bedroom more fun. Hugging the one you love while also being sexual is a great experience for lovers.
Half-Spoon Position
Similar to spooning, the half-spoon cuddling position is one of the best positions to lie in while resting or even talking about your day. It allows each partner to look at one another’s face while still being in an embrace and very close.
In order to achieve the half-spoon, one person needs to lie on their back and the other will replicate the original spooning position. This time though, they will hug the side of their significant other who is lying on their back. It’s nice because, in this cuddling position, partners can be face-to-face.
Another big benefit of the half-spooning is that partners won’t get as warm as they would with the regular spooning position, which makes it the perfect cuddle for all year round.
Leg Hug
Physical contact through cuddling positions doesn’t have to solely revolve around touching each other as much as possible, especially if physical touch is not your love language. The Leg Hug is a perfect cuddle for this situation where you want to be close without necessarily being in your partner’s arms.
In order to achieve that, both partners lie in a comfortable position, somewhat close to one another on the bed. Then one partner places their leg over the other’s and they both just enjoy the good feeling of physical touch and intimacy.
Partners can alternate with the leg hug or change positions – there is no right or wrong way to do this. And another variation is the leg lattice in which both partners lie facing each other or in a spooning position and twist their legs around each other. Here is intimacy that can be achieved only through the use of arms and legs. Even more intimate? Sleeping like this.
The Seated Hug
When partners are sitting next to each other on the couch, one can simply extend their arm over the other’s shoulders and give them a nice, seated hug. They can rest the arm on the far shoulder or rub their partner’s neck for a minute or two. It is just as intimate, especially if they decide to lean into you and hug you back.
This is also a great cuddle for when you are with friends or other loved ones and want to stay close without looking too clingy. It is the type of hug a more experienced couple would give that shows trust in the relationship and two people who feel comfortable with one another.
The Cheek-to-Cheek
If a cuddling position of any other type is just not what you or your partner want right now, but you still want some position that is intimate, here is the solution. Each partner lies in bed with their backs to one another, moving their butt cheeks in so they are touching. This is a great option when partners don’t want sex but do want the intimacy of touch. And it allows each partner to relax and get a great night’s rest.
There is another cheek-to-cheek position that can also be intimate and fully appropriate for public display. And that is dancing cheek-to-cheek at a club or social event.
Speaking of Dance
Nothing is better to promote bonding than slow dancing. Of course, this can happen at home or in public. Think of dancing as a cuddling position. Here you are face-to-face, cheek-to-cheek, and body-to-body as you press into each other. Add eye contact for good measure. It’s a full body cuddling position in front of the world, showing your commitment to each other. But more than that, it’s a prelude to the amazing sex that will come after when partners are alone together. Bodies separate
The Honeymoon Hug
When your relationship is in the Honeymoon stage, you crave that physical contact with your significant other more than anything and you want to be able to be cuddled more. The Honeymoon hug is the perfect cuddle position for this stage.
While it is very similar to the spooning position, there is one main difference that makes this hug a lot more intimate. The two partners face one another in this embrace.
In order to achieve this cuddle perfectly, you need to both lay on your sides face to face. Then, embrace each other and stay close. One partner lies with their head on their partner’s chest while the other has their head on top of theirs.
You can even go ahead and entangle your legs in order to be as close to one another as possible. This hug is perfect for couples who are still developing feelings for one another as it keeps the body close and can allow you to kiss your person while cuddling easily.
It is especially lovely to be able to hear the other person’s hug and fall asleep to the rhythm of it. Not only is this very relaxing for your body, but this cuddle can also help you feel safe and loved in the relationship.
The Lap Pillow
One of the most romantic and even playful cuddling positions you can try is the Lap Pillow. Not only is it better than hugging, but it also can allow your partner to rub your head or play with your hair. This is an amazing way to reduce stress and even if you end up falling asleep, your partner will know you feel completely safe around them.
All you have to do is for one partner to sit with their legs extended while the other partner lies on their partner’s stomach. This is also a great position for those who reserve cuddling for the bedroom and can allow even stealing a few kisses while partners watch their favorite show together.
Laying on your partner’s lap is one of the best cuddling positions because it can help you stay close without the cuddle being the main event. You don’t have to be in bed to do this and it doesn’t have to lead to anything sexual. And the partner’s lap makes an intimate pillow.
You can simply keep hugging one another in this way, and reduce stress while watching TV or simply talking about your day. This is a great cuddling position for every relationship, and it can be a stepping stone to how close you feel to one another without needing to cuddle more intimately all the time.
The Sweetheart Hug
Similar to Half-Spooning, the sweetheart cradle is another cuddling position where you can find intimacy and allow your partner to nurture you when you need it most.
One person needs to be lying on their back while the other person puts their head on their partner’s chest. From there, you can hold hands and the other person can embrace you and hold you close. The other option? Alternate and keep the same position.
The Arm Draper
If you prefer to cuddle while looking into your partner’s eyes, the Arm Draper is the perfect option for you. All you and your romantic partner have to do is lie on your sides, facing one another with your arms draped around each other.
This is great if you love the feeling when your partner wraps their arms around you, but you still want some personal space so you’re able to look at them and talk to them.
Cuddling in this position in bed can be great for sleeping without it having to turn sexual. Your body can still enjoy hugging the one you love while still being comfortable in the cuddle.
But wait. Here is another one of those cuddling positions that can be used on the dance floor.
The Lounge Chair Hug
Laying in a lounge chair is one of the most relaxing things ever. Turning this into a cuddle is just so much better. You don’t necessarily have to be in bed to try it, you can simply sit on the couch and watch your favorite show while you cuddle one another.
What you have to do to achieve the Lounge Chair cuddle is for one partner to sit behind the other and embrace them from behind. This is the equivalent of spooning while sitting upright instead of lying down in bed.
Not only is it comfortable, but it allows you to have your hands free and also be able to give your partner a nice massage while they enjoy being in your arms or you in theirs.
The Butt Pillow
Lying on regular pillows is so overrated, especially when your partner has a perfectly comfy and natural pillow on their behind. Make sure you take advantage of this great opportunity and lay your head on their butt for a well-needed quick rest. It also leaves an arm free to massage the other’s legs.
All jokes aside, cuddling helps make two people more intimate with one another, and when one person lies on the other’s butt, it signifies trust in the same way that lots of these other cuddling positions do.
The Fortress
These types of cuddling positions offer emotional protection with partner snuggles. It involves one partner lying facing the other. The protecting partner wraps their arms around the other at the waist, forming a protective “cover” for the other. This can also include the partner’s leg enveloping the legs of the other. Cuddling in this manner can bring relaxation and some great sleep too.
The Yin-Yang
This is one of those unique cuddling positions that shows intimate balance. Each person lies on their back but with heads at opposite ends. Legs can be latticed. This is a perfect position when at least one person in a partnership feels a need for some space and separation in order to comfortably fall asleep.
Finding Your Sweet Spot
Is there such a thing as the best cuddling positions? No there is not. Whether it is just holding hands, one partner lying in the same direction as the other or not, arms and legs involved, on a couch, a bed, or a dance floor, cuddling is a critical part of couples’ intimacy – just ask any relationship expert (or intimacy expert).
How in tune are you with your partner’s needs for cuddling? If you are not, then it’s time to explore this whole cuddling thing, through honest discussion. Does the other person in your partnership want to cuddle only in bed? Do they appreciate cuddling on a couch while watching a favorite movie? How important is the use of an arm or legs as your partner’s needs are met?
And what about your needs? What cuddling position makes you feel most satisfied? Do you want your partner’s arm around you on the couch? Do you want full-body contact in bed? It’s time for some straight talk and some getting into each other’s head about this key factor in a loving partnership.
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