“Hey, we need to talk.”
Sometimes that statement leads to something good, maybe a planned vacation. Unfortunately, it’s often the first thing somebody says to you before they dump you. That’s always an awful experience, no matter if they try to soften the blow or not.
There’s no way around it. It sucks to get dumped. Fortunately, there are ways to survive the experience. Even better, you can emerge a better person and handle the situation with grace.
Okay, maybe not. But, you can definitely get through a breakup without seeming like a pathetic simple or complete psycho.
A person’s decision to break up with you is something they own. You don’t have to agree with it. You are welcome to think their conclusions are absolutely wrong. What you can’t do is deny their right to feel however they do.
So, don’t argue. Don’t plead your case. Don’t beg, and don’t put them in the position of having to argue their case with you. They aren’t obligated to do that, and we promise you won’t hear anything that is helpful to you.
It’s always healthy to take an analysis of your behaviors and choices during a relationship. That can help you make positive changes. What isn’t healthy is to beat yourself up and allow yourself to feel worthless. It’s also more than a little manipulative to turn a breakup into a downward spiral so that your former partner feels guilty or is forced to worry about your well being instead of moving on.
You may be tempted to isolate yourself. It’s perfectly fine to do that for a while. Sooner than later though, you’ll get over things in a healthy way if you stay connected. Let people know what’s up with you. Try to stay in contact. You may not be in the mood to go out and party, but it might be helpful to grab a cup of coffee with someone.
Please, for the love of everything good in the queerdom, do not become that person. You know who they are! They’re the one who leaves their friends worried and baffled at the choices they make after a breakup. Need some examples? Check These out.
It probably doesn’t hurt to take a social media break after a difficult breakup. At the very least block or hide your ex. Don’t make yourself a mess by following their every move on social media. More importantly, don’t make a scene of fighting with them or begging in a public forum like Facebook.
Never press an ex’s friends for information or insights. By all means, don’t ask them to run interference for you.
Yes, rebound relationships are real. No, it probably isn’t love at first sight. Yes, you are going to break up with the person you rebounded with. This will just make you sadder and lonelier.
What’s the best way to avoid a rebound relationship? That’s easy! You wait. Any relationship you rush into will probably be a mistake. Additionally, don’t make extreme choices. That includes dating someone who is entirely the opposite of your usual type.
That kind of decision won’t get you a functional relationship. It will just get you into a relationship that is bad for an entirely new set of reasons.
It absolutely helps to stay busy. If you have a hobby or passion, this is the perfect time to get as involved with it as possible. Learn to oil paint. Go antique shopping. Do puzzles. Play the SiMs for hours at a time. Get out of your house, and go see a concert.
There is nothing shameful about admitting that a breakup has hit you hard. This can truly be heartbreaking and can feel like mourning a loss. That can truly take you to some dark places emotionally. If you find yourself spiraling after a breakup, a good therapist can help you put on the brakes before you do anything destructive. They’ll work with you to create healthy strategies to get through this.
This doesn’t necessarily mean you will need months and months of therapy. You may be surprised at how you can benefit from just a few tele-sessions.
Nobody wants to be dumped, but it really is a universal experience. The fact that you were dumped doesn’t reflect badly on you, but the way you handle it absolutely can. The way that you handle a breakup indicates how respectful you are of another person’s autonomy and boundaries. It also measures how well you are able to move forward to newer and healthier relationships.
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