So, You are Non-Binary – How Do You Date?

Last Updated 28.07.2022
4 min read
Taimi

Most people who date are on the binary scale, even those within the LGBTQ+ community. But what about you?

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You do not assign any gender to yourself, no matter what your genitals may say. So, you don’t have a gender identity as most everyone does, even trans people who identify as male or female. And yet, you do have sexual orientations and attractions, which refer, of course, to who attracts you at any given time. How does all of this translate into dating? It may not be as complicated as you think. Here’s a few pointers:

Embrace Fluidity as Your Norm – It’s Liberating

You get to make your own rules about your “genderness” – you are either in-between or outside of genders, if that makes any sense. You can be attracted to all types of people or even none at all on any given day, week, month, etc. And you have the flexibility to present yourself as femme, butch, or neutral, at your pleasure.

The liberation of being non-binary is real, once you embrace your type of fluidity, and it will come to show in your dating.

.and your comfort level will probably increase as you go through dating experiences, and you will probably.not without its challenges, especially when dating.

Dating as a Non-Binary – You’re in Charge

As your comfort level with being binary increases, you’ll find that you are easily able to take charge of your dating life - be who you want to be whenever you want to. How fun is that. And all of this will allow you to respond to the suggestions, questions, and requests of those you may date.

  1. Potential dates may avoid you because they fear it may say something about their sexuality that they don’t like. This is especially true for heteros, but also those who have a set gender identity. It’s okay. They are who they are just as you are. Don’t take it personally - just move on.

  2. You may have dates that ask you to dress as femme or butch, send them photos, or dress a specific way for a physical date. How you respond totally depends on how you feel about that at the time. Again, you are in control.

  3. As you increase your comfort level, you will be able to brush off any criticism or pressure that may come from the larger LGBTQ+ community. It’s not your problem.

  4. You may be mistaken for trans - it’s kind of common. And so, the question may be posed about if and when you have plans for transitioning. Laugh this off - it’s totally irrelevant unless you at some point choose to change your identity. 

When you are confident in who you are and your right to be as fluid as you wish, you can respond to questions, requests and such as an empowered non-binary.

It May Be Best to Date Within the LGBTQ+ Community

You may face some prejudice within your community, but nothing like what you will face in the straight world. And you should look for an all-inclusive LGBTQ+-specific dating app, because you are likely to find the most acceptance and largest number of potential matches. 

Set up your profile and upload photos that depict you honestly, depending on the subset of non-binary you most identify as:

  1. Bigender or Trigender – you have two or more gender identifications, and they can be both at the same time or move between or among them.

  2. Non-gendered, gender-free, neutrois, or agender – terms that all refer to an identity of having no gender rather than more male or female.

  3. Genderfluid – This identity is self-explanatory – you move back and forth between male and female as you wish and according to how you feel, even on a daily basis

  4. Transmasculine or Transfeminine – you identify more with either a male or female gender but still don’t consider yourself to be exclusively that gender.

  5. Third-gendered or Other-gendered – you do not give a name to your gender at all. This may be the most confusing to those you are looking to date.

Think about dating other non-binaries if that will give you a higher comfort level. You can state this as your preference in your dating app profile and will be matched only with those others.

Once you do find a match and there is mutual interest, you can then reveal more detail about your genderness and your sexual/romantic preferences. There is no rush to do this, of course, but if you intend to have more than just a casual dating relationship, it is only fair to be fully open.

To Thine Own Self Be True

This is a famous line from Shakespeare’s play, Hamlet. It is a piece of advice being given to young Hamlet as he leaves for the big city. And it means to always be who you really are and do not compromise that. This same advice applies to you as a non-binary. While you may face more challenges than others within the LGBTQ+ community, you can minimize those by being fully open and honest with yourself and others and by following the dating tips here.


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