But let’s explore the whole topic of sexual bondage devices and how they are a part of BDSM concepts, practices, and play. A little understanding will make sure that your experiences with restraints will be all that much better.
Kink and Its Connection to Restraints
BDSM is one of the acronyms that combines its letters for more meaning. Thus:
- BD – Bondage and Discipline
- DS – Dominance and Submission
- SM – Sadism and Masochism
People who have these preferences may have only one, two, or all four. But the one common factor is that all of these preferences incorporate restraint in some form.
People Who Prefer Kink are Not “Sick” or Damaged – Ending the Myth
This is a common thought among lots of people. They somehow connect this kind of sex to domestic violence which, of course, it is not.
Kink occurs between or among free consenting adults in the privacy of their bedrooms, sometimes at a party. And people who lead very “normal” lives outside of these sexual preferences engage in sex that involves one or more areas of BDSM along with restraints. But they come from all “walks of life.” In fact, Gloria Brame, Ph.D., and author of the book, Different Loving, has this to say: “It’s your neighbours and your teachers and the people bagging your groceries. The biggest myth is that you need this special set of circumstances. It’s regular people who have a need for that to be their intimate dynamic.”
Enter the World of Restraints
With kink comes risk-aware consensual kink (RACK), which simply means that both partners agree to take the risk involved if restraints are used. It is not a legal term. But it is important that the sub in each activity agrees to be restrained.
Why restraints? Because in each kinky sexual act, there is a dom and a sub partner, and a key part of the eroticism is that the sub partner is restrained in some way while the dominant conducts the sexual acts.
A restraint can be anything from a soft scarf to leather, chains, metal bars, whips, and more. Let’s take a look at the most common types or devices used to restrain submissives.
Blindfolds
Blindfolds serve two purposes
- They remove one of the five senses, making the others on higher alert
- They leave the sub without knowing what the dominant will be doing
And here’s the thing about blindfolds. There’s full freedom in the positions that may be used. On the other hand, no one should agree to be blindfolded unless they know and trust the dominant partner. Talking over the boundaries ahead of time is critical.
Handcuffs
This is probably the most versatile of all kinky sex stuff. Handcuffs can come in any size, and be made of any materials, from silk scarves to rope, to leather, to metal. They can cuff wrists or ankles together or cuff those appendages to beds, chairs, etc.
Once partners explore all of the possible positions using just handcuffs, they will want to have several varieties in their toolbox of sex toys.
A close cousin to handcuffs is bondage tape, because it can be used to make cuffs when none are available. And it can secure larger body parts such as legs when cuffs are not large enough. This tape is different from other types that are commonly used, like duct tape, because it does not adhere to skin or hair, but only to itself.
Rope Play
If handcuffs are versatile, rope bondage can be even more so, if only because of the variety of lengths involved. And with all of these lengths, a rope can complement any other kind of erotic activities, can be in place as positions are changed, and, if tied right, can be loosened or tightened as you want. Rope comes in many materials, and you may need to experiment to find one you like best to restrain or be restrained, and according to which positions the receiving partner will be placed in.
Natural Rope Materials
- Hemp – Not as stretchy as some others and mimics cuffs well
- Jute – A lot like hemp in that it mimics cuffs, and is really durable
- Cotton – may be best for beginners – strong but soft; has a bit of elasticity so many stretch while cuffs do not
- Silk – great materials but expensive
- Linen/Flax – durable but expensive and hard to clean
- Bamboo – soft, flexible, only mild friction
- Leather – flexible, unlike cuffs, but in wide widths will keep ankles, wrists, and knees from injury.
Synthetics
- Nylon – hypoallergenic but can be slippery, and rope burns do happen
- Synthetic Hemp- cheaper and easier to clean than natural; tough enough to act like cuffs for suspension
- Multifilament – soft and smooth and easy to find; not good for suspension
There’s a lot to learn about rope, especially related to safety. As Willow, owner of ewsingles.com blog states, “Try not to put too much pressure on the skin, and make sure you have room for at least two fingers between the rope and the skin. Always keep scissors or a knife close in case you need to quickly cut a badly made knot or loop. Safe words are also important and make sure you set them before starting your adventure.”
It would be a good idea to check out Willow’s blog on rope bondage. It is filled with illustrations and videos on all that is possible. There is a visual example for every position, and the videos will create almost any scene possible.
Hoods
Now, hoods are for the dominant to use but obviously not as a restraint. They are used in conjunction with other tools, often to inflict pain on the submissive. A hood that shields the face of the partner fulfills a sexual scenario or fantasy in which a “torturer” uses tools like whips on a partner restrained by handcuffs and such.
Hoods can also be used on a sub in a bunch of ways. Bondage hoods usually have openings for eyes and mouth and can be easily used for oral sex. Some are quite thick and deprive a submissive of senses, such as no eye holes and thick pads on the ears. Add a gag, and there is a partner who is in total submission.
Puppy hoods fill a fantasy of one partner being a playful non-human and the dominant controlling the sub by a leash or chain and engaging in doggie-style sex, either vaginal or anal.
Neck Gear
These come in the form of chokers and collars and can signify either dominant or submissive.
Collars
These are worn by the sub to identify their role in the kink partnership and also to symbolise a commitment between individual D/s partnership. Most collars have a hook to attach a leash, and couples often move about with the leash attached, especially at LGBTQ+ events, such as Pride. Regular collars are worn for regular occasions.
An s may wear the longer posture collar for some kinky sex. It is thicker and longer and is meant to restrict movement.
Chokers
This is a popular piece of jewelry worn by many women, although in the kink scene it is often worn by men too. They are tighter than collars and are considered a restraint because they can be adjustable and used to cut off some airflow, which experienced kink couples practise. Cutting off airflow is a safety concern, and no pair should engage in it unless both fully agree and there is a safe word or gesture that will stop the action.
Gags
Gags are usually in the form of balls, and the point is to cut off a submissive’s ability to speak. Gag balls are attached to a strap that goes around the head to hold them in place. They come in a variety of sizes and are meant to provide the psychological effect of the submissive being unable to have full control over what happens to them while the dominants indulge themselves in their sex acts. While purchased gags are sleek and nice to have, a scarf, tube sock, etc. will do the trick too.
Spreader gags are used to keep the mouth open during oral penetrative sex. These are not ball-type gags but may be fashioned like a type of claw. Again, they are connected to a strap that goes around the neck. Avoid plastic gags, as they are porous and hard to completely clean.
Using gags will require some safety requirements. Because the submissives are not able to speak, there needs to be a gesture in place that will cue the dominant to stop.
Clamps
The purpose of clamps is to inflict varying degrees of pain and are common for those into the sadomasochistic types of kink. Here’s a quick journey through the types of clamps that can be used.
First, clamps come in all varieties for various parts of the body. Some have screws attached to tighten depending on the level of “pain” wanted. In short, clamps cut off blood supply to a body part. When they are loosened or removed, blood rushes back to that part and can cause a rush of release and pain. During their placement, they can be twisted or connected to other body parts, and when those parts are moved, there is a pulling that can increase pain.
Nipple Clamps
The most common types of clamps are for the nipples and are for both male and female stimulation. Many of them have methods for adjusting the pressure and the pinch for individual taste. They can also be attached by strands to other body parts, so that movement during sex will create more tension and pulling.
Genital Clamps
Whether you own a vulva or a penis, there are clamps that will bring you all of the pain/pleasant sensations you want.
A clamp can be placed at the base of the clitoris – it will bring a bit of pain, the level of which you can dictate. When that camp is released and the blood flow comes rushing back, you will get another erotic sensation.
Other vaginal clamps can be placed on either lip of the labia. These have strands attached that can be tied around the butt and spread the labia out, giving a pulling sensation.
For those who own a penis, clamps can be placed all over the scrotum or even on the foreskin. The important thing here is to watch carefully for colour changes. Clamps should be removed when the skin colour begins to darken.
Toys That Make an Impact
There is great eroticism in stinging pain, and certain toys are meant to do just that. The most common area for this is the butt because there is plenty of flesh to use.
The simplest form of impact is the hand – spanking the butt with the amount of force that brings arousal and some pain. But there are plenty of other things too if you want to spice things up with your partner.
Paddles
These are usually round in shape but can be elongated rectangles too. It depends upon how much flesh you want to make contact with and the size of that body part. Again, the butt is usually the chosen site, although the inner thighs may be another site. Female beasts may be yet another option, but you will want to use something other than a paddle.
Flogs
Flogs are short pieces of cord, leather, or chains held together by a short handle, much like a mop. They may have nothing on the ends or small objects. The sensations from being flogged can range from highly erotic thuds or feeling the strips being run over a body for a soft stimulation, to a stinging pain that will leave marks, for sure. Generally, the thicker the flogger, the lighter the pain, and vice versa.
Whips
These are common things for kink. And they are usually used with restraints such as cuffs or rope bondage on arms and legs, so submissives are tied by wrists and ankles, in any position, to be securely restrained during the activity. Again, this is an encounter that requires trusting BDSM relationships between each partner and clear safe words. It takes time to learn how to use whips correctly, and they are not for beginners. Leather is a common material for whips.
Spreader Bars
While handcuffs are used to keep body parts together tight, spreaders are a type of bondage to hold body parts apart while other sex acts are performed, bringing levels of pain and pleasure that the receiving partner will want. They are most often used to spread legs at the ankles but can do the same on arms when attached to the wrists. And cuffs can be attached to each end of the device to be used as other restraints while the sex goes on, increasing the fun. When the partner sub does wear a spreader, they can be placed in almost any position and the dom can move that bar up and down for amazing fun activities. Explosive orgasms for each partner are likely.
This Is Just a Start
There is just so much to learn about the methods to restrain a partner, every possible position, uses from head to toes, handcuffs, rope bondage, and all of the gadgets for the head, wrists, legs, arms, as well as where to restrain. Imagine all of the possible scenes there are. If you are new to the world of restraints, you have a lot to learn. but there’s lots of good free advice out there. If you are in a trusting relationship and ready to play, start with the simpler things – wrists and ankles in cuffs – and move on to play with full arms and legs, and begin your ongoing party together. There’s so much to learn and do!
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