At some point though, it just clicks. This person is so good for you and you can see yourself being with them long-term. This is where the anxiety of that realization kicks in. How do you manage to ask them if you're on the same page? Here are some helpful tips on how to achieve that.
Approaching the Subject Subtly
Sometimes, it is easier to approach such subjects with different partners. Knowing when is the best time and how blunt you should be about these questions is important. Some partners might consider having such a talk difficult and can get anxious over the easiest of talks.
This is something you should communicate with them openly. If you see your relationship moving forward, you should approach this subject in a way that will make it easy for both of you to talk.
Perhaps, a way to talk about such things with them can include discussing a few things at a time, texting about it, or writing a letter to one another. Don't be afraid to get creative with the way you express your feelings in your relationship.
It is important to remember that past trauma and bad relationships can cause people to be apprehensive about opening up. Instead of getting frustrated with your partner, work on making them feel safe and remind them they are loved. This is the best way to ensure your long-term relationship will be a happy one.
How Often Should You Check-In?
Deciding on the frequency of these talks is something you should determine with your boo. For most couples, this happens unexpectedly and after some time, you will end up talking about your future plans without previous thought.
There is honestly no particular rule from any relationship coaches on how often you should have a relationship check-in. Generally speaking, the more often you have these types of talks, the better it will be for your relationship.
You could set a common goal to discuss certain things every week or even bi-weekly, so this doesn't start to feel like a chore. Check-ins are essential in relationships and when they take place frequently they can make a couple feel like the small family they are slowly becoming.
Being able to openly talk about any idea you have on your mind regarding your common future is important. A healthy relationship is built on trust and good communication and having check-ins regularly can give you insight on how to achieve that. Therefore, the more often you are able to have a relationship check-in the better.
Important Relationship Check-In Questions to Ask Your Partner
One of the things you might be wondering is what types of questions you can ask your partner during a relationship check-in. You might have a lot of different ideas in your head but putting them into words can be hard. This is exactly why having certain questions ready can be very helpful.
You certainly don't have to word them the same way, but you can use them as inspiration to create the right questions that feel comfortable for your relationship. This can allow you to start the conversation and allow you not to forget anything crucial you want to mention.
What Were Your Expectations of This Relationship at the Start?
The very first thing that should be discussed, probably even before the first date between you and your new partner is their expectations of this relationship. For example, if you are looking for something serious but the other person is not, it might even be a good idea to avoid that first date.
This might sound difficult but it can ensure you or the other party will not get hurt. There is nothing worse than dating someone you care a lot about only to later realize you are not both committed to the relationship on the same level.
If this is a short-term thing for both of you, you should be honest with your intentions so you can avoid catching feelings. Not every relationship needs to lead to marriage and many couples will break up. Just make sure that you or your partner are both on the same page about the course of this relationship.
What do You Consider a Healthy Relationship?
The second question you should ask your partner is what do they consider to be a healthy relationship. How do they like to be treated by a partner and how do they want to treat them in return? The way they view such a relationship can truly reflect how they will treat you in the future.
In most cases, people will mention spending quality time with the person they love, showing support for their partner, being a close friend and a lover, exploring new things together and overall being happy when together.
If you notice them mention anything that you would not expect, that kinda sounds like a red flag, you should definitely keep in mind that there might be underlying issues for it. Depending on how a person experienced love as a child, their answers on the topic can vary.
This doesn't mean that they will be abusive or not take care of your needs in the relationship. It could simply mean they will not be compatible with you at the moment. If you could really see yourself starting a family with this person, make sure you both have similar views on how that relationship would begin and evolve through time.
A simple example can truly help you put things into perspective. You view a healthy relationship as one where trust is your main focus. No one should ever check each others' phone, or make one another jealous on purpose but your partner has expressed that for them rust is gained and they want to check in your messages occasionally.
This might cause you to feel surprised or offended, but remember that without such a conversation you wouldn't have known about it. This will help you see what you need from a relationship and what the other person can offer you. If your views of a relationship that is healthy are vastly different, it might not be a match that has much potential for the future.
