Taimi
Every new relationship is fun at the start and the need for relationship check-in questions is something that rarely comes to find at first. The first few months are full of fun dates, gifts for one another, romantic dinners, and no worries for the future.
At some point though, it just clicks. This person is so good for you and you can see yourself being with them long-term. This is where the anxiety of that realization kicks in. How do you manage to ask them if you're on the same page? Here are some helpful tips on how to achieve that.
Sometimes, it is easier to approach such subjects with different partners. Knowing when is the best time and how blunt you should be about these questions is important. Some partners might consider having such a talk difficult and can get anxious over the easiest of talks.
This is something you should communicate with them openly. If you see your relationship moving forward, you should approach this subject in a way that will make it easy for both of you to talk.
Perhaps, a way to talk about such things with them can include discussing a few things at a time, texting about it, or writing a letter to one another. Don't be afraid to get creative with the way you express your feelings in your relationship.
It is important to remember that past trauma and bad relationships can cause people to be apprehensive about opening up. Instead of getting frustrated with your partner, work on making them feel safe and remind them they are loved. This is the best way to ensure your long-term relationship will be a happy one.
Deciding on the frequency of these talks is something you should determine with your boo. For most couples, this happens unexpectedly and after some time, you will end up talking about your future plans without previous thought.
There is honestly no particular rule from any relationship coaches on how often you should have a relationship check-in. Generally speaking, the more often you have these types of talks, the better it will be for your relationship.
You could set a common goal to discuss certain things every week or even bi-weekly, so this doesn't start to feel like a chore. Check-ins are essential in relationships and when they take place frequently they can make a couple feel like the small family they are slowly becoming.
Being able to openly talk about any idea you have on your mind regarding your common future is important. A healthy relationship is built on trust and good communication and having check-ins regularly can give you insight on how to achieve that. Therefore, the more often you are able to have a relationship check-in the better.
One of the things you might be wondering is what types of questions you can ask your partner during a relationship check-in. You might have a lot of different ideas in your head but putting them into words can be hard. This is exactly why having certain questions ready can be very helpful.
You certainly don't have to word them the same way, but you can use them as inspiration to create the right questions that feel comfortable for your relationship. This can allow you to start the conversation and allow you not to forget anything crucial you want to mention.
The very first thing that should be discussed, probably even before the first date between you and your new partner is their expectations of this relationship. For example, if you are looking for something serious but the other person is not, it might even be a good idea to avoid that first date.
This might sound difficult but it can ensure you or the other party will not get hurt. There is nothing worse than dating someone you care a lot about only to later realize you are not both committed to the relationship on the same level.
If this is a short-term thing for both of you, you should be honest with your intentions so you can avoid catching feelings. Not every relationship needs to lead to marriage and many couples will break up. Just make sure that you or your partner are both on the same page about the course of this relationship.
The second question you should ask your partner is what do they consider to be a healthy relationship. How do they like to be treated by a partner and how do they want to treat them in return? The way they view such a relationship can truly reflect how they will treat you in the future.
In most cases, people will mention spending quality time with the person they love, showing support for their partner, being a close friend and a lover, exploring new things together and overall being happy when together.
If you notice them mention anything that you would not expect, that kinda sounds like a red flag, you should definitely keep in mind that there might be underlying issues for it. Depending on how a person experienced love as a child, their answers on the topic can vary.
This doesn't mean that they will be abusive or not take care of your needs in the relationship. It could simply mean they will not be compatible with you at the moment. If you could really see yourself starting a family with this person, make sure you both have similar views on how that relationship would begin and evolve through time.
A simple example can truly help you put things into perspective. You view a healthy relationship as one where trust is your main focus. No one should ever check each others' phone, or make one another jealous on purpose but your partner has expressed that for them rust is gained and they want to check in your messages occasionally.
This might cause you to feel surprised or offended, but remember that without such a conversation you wouldn't have known about it. This will help you see what you need from a relationship and what the other person can offer you. If your views of a relationship that is healthy are vastly different, it might not be a match that has much potential for the future.
The way a person feels loved can give you a lot of insight into what matters to them in the relationship. Each person has a different way through which they express love and want to receive love. These are often mentioned as the 5 love languages and they include the following:
Words of affirmation
Acts of service
Quality time
Receiving gifts
Physical touch
These can be very helpful when your partner might have a hard time explaining how they want to feel loved by you. You can easily find this out by sending your love a link to the 5 love languages quiz and you can then compare results.
Depending on what their answer ends up being, you can understand and discover a lot more about how you can keep your partner feeling happy. At the same time, they will also see what makes you feel loved in return.
Even if it is something as simple as a good morning kiss every day or flowers on the weekends, it can show them you appreciated their needs and are willing to put effort into keeping them happy.
Another thing you need to discuss early on in any relationship check-in is how each person regards cheating. Some people might think that kissing someone should not be considered as bad as having sex with someone outside the relationship.
This is something you need to discover through these check-ins so you are able to protect yourself and set boundaries with your partner early on. If you're not both on the same level about something so important, one could end up severely hurt and the relationship issues that stem from this might be unrepairable.
The way each couple's sexual relationship forms is dependent on their communication. Some people are more open to trying new things and others are more conservative. You need to discuss this with your partner frequently and make sure that both of you are satisfied and happy with the way your sex life is going.
This type of conversation can also help you both understand more about your sexualities and see if there is anything you desire to try in the bedroom. Being open and honest about sex will make you both much happier and more content.
Also, you both need to be on the same page and decide whether your relationship will be monogamous, polyamorous, or be open to any emotional or sexual relationship with other people. It is equally as important to check in on the status of this relationship frequently and see how the other person feels.
Another important thing you need to check in with your partner regularly is how things are going between the two of you. While they might be acting okay, there is always the possibility they are not feeling like one of the two of you is as invested in the relationship as the other.
Apart from that, they might feel like things are going too fast or too slow, and they might want to change a few things. This is a great opportunity for conversation to see if both of you are on the same page about it.
Make sure that comments from both sides are welcome and that you both want to support this relationship through this check-in. This question is not meant to make either of you feel bad or guilty. You need to be clear about how you feel like this relationship is progressing and what you need from your partner.
If you need like things are moving too fast, you can maybe ask each other for some more alone time, where you only spend some days of the week together. If you feel like things are moving too slow, you can discuss spending some nights together or leaving some personal objects at each others' place.
How much time it takes for every couple to move at a comfortable pace is strictly personal and should not be viewed as wrong. Some people are ready to go into marriage after 5 months of dating and others will date for 5 years before they pop the question. This relationship check-in will ensure you are both fully present and aware of how things are getting along.
When it comes to talking about your relationship, you always need to ask your partner what they feel like you both could do to improve your relationship. You might feel like anything else is perfect between you, but there is a tiny gap in your communication sometimes.
This is reason enough to have a relationship or marriage "meeting" with your husband or wife and solve this issue that arises in your family asap.
It is not a bad thing when there are things to fix between a couple and you should not focus on that. Instead, you encourage these things to come up in conversation regularly as they can mean the world to your partner. Offer them support in order to express their needs.
Being able to improve things through your relationship check-in can truly help you overcome major issues and help you both be happier.
Whether this is a new relationship or not, checking in on your goals for the future is important and can help you prepare for your life together. This can include smaller goals such as going on certain trips or meeting each others' friends and family. It can also include bigger goals such as getting a pet together, marriage, or having children.
No matter how ambitious your goals might seem, it is always good to talk about how you want your common life to be shaped. You should regularly update your goals, especially after a new milestone is met. This can bring a lot of appreciation for everything you have accomplished as a couple and help you search for that net common goal.
One more thing that many don't think to ask their partners during a relationship check-in is what compromises they are not willing to make. Most of the time this happens because people don't like the answers they will get to this question.
This is exactly why check-ins are important though. If you focus on the good stuff and forget to pay attention to things that can potentially hinder your relationship, you will end up with problems in your common life.
You two are the only ones who can make this relationship work and to do that you need to work hard. Making compromises is part of spending your life with someone whether that is through marriage or not. If the other part of the relationship is not willing to change something that is very important for your mental well-being, then you should reconsider this relationship.
If setting and achieving financial goals is important to you, you can also express this to your partner through a check-in. Having financial goals for the future is crucial when it comes to building a life with someone. Even if your other half is not very money-driven, you should still have this talk.
This can help you determine things such as buying a house together, traveling, or having kids. These are all situations that can require money and being able to handle your finances and set goals together is crucial and should be discussed through frequent check-ins.
Starting a family isn't for everyone and having kids can make certain people feel like they are being tied down without their will. Not everyone is made to be a parent and that is totally alright.
If your partner wants to have children one day and you don't this might cause many fights and other issues in the future. Be clear about this issue as soon in the relationship as possible. If you don't, your partner might end up feeling like you held them back or denied them the privilege of having the family they always wanted.
While you might love one another, some things are more important than love and if this is something neither of you can make a compromise on, you should not lie to one another and give them false hopes.
Lastly, another great check-in question you can ask your partner is what they would like to never change between the two of you. This can motivate you both to share things you love about each other and see how you bring out the best in one another.
It is a lovely question that can help you focus on how you make each other happy and how you have found ways to function so well in unison. At the same time, it can be a great way through which you can see which other aspects of your relationship could function just as well and motivate you to work on improving them.
These questions can be an amazing way to build trust and enhance communication in your relationship. This is a great way to help you know your and your partner's expectations from your relationship and how you can make it work better.
A relationship check-in is necessary at many different parts of a relationship when you want to know how you and your partner feel. You can ask them some of the questions mentioned above or add your own which will be more close to the relationship. This way, you will make sure both your needs are covered.
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