There’s a joke circulating on Facebook. A mom texts her daughter and asks, “What do IDK, IDC, and TTYL” mean? The daughter responds, “I don’t know, I don’t care, and I’ll talk to you later.” The mom then replies, “That’s okay. I’ll ask your sister.”
It does seem like it’s a world of alphabet soup today as people use all of these slang acronyms to shorten their messages. And new ones keep increasing the glossary that we have to learn.
One of these slang terms is NSA. NSA stands for no strings attached. At first glance, this seems simple enough. You have a sexual encounter or even a casual relationship that is just that – no emotional attachment, no plans for the future, just sex for the pleasure of sex. And if you use online dating sites, you will probably see this term often.
But as all things in types of relationships, there is a lot to unpack about this term.
Jerry and Elaine
One of the most hysterical episodes of the Seinfeld TV series is of Jerry and Elaine discussing having a FWB relationship. Now the background story is that they had once been a romantic couple but broke that off a few years back.
They are both young and sexual beings, though, and are thinking that they can begin an NSA dating relationship which will be without much risk and satisfy their physical needs for sex. So, they begin to talk about the “rules” for what some might call and open relationship, getting together at mutually agreed upon dates and times.
The list becomes longer and longer. In the end, they both decide that this business of an FWB connection will really not work – there are just too many details complicating the whole scenario. But the episode is one of the funniest and has become rather a classic.
A More Detailed Definition of NSA
First and foremost, an NSA connection allows two people to have sex and fun without any expectation that there will be any emotional or romantic connection. Sometimes, it equated with FWB (friends with benefits,) but that is only one face of multiple types of no strings attached relationships.
No strings attached also allows two people to explore their sexual fantasies and fetishes without the additional baggage of emotional entanglements. Of course, we are talking about adults here, who do not want or are not ready for any kind of committed relationship, yet they still want sex of course. And for them, a no-strings attached sex life is right for them.
There are other acronyms associated with NSA – ONS (one-night stand) and FWB (Friends with Benefits) being the two most common.
NSA sex is probably not right for teens who are exploring their sexuality and making decisions about sexual activity from an immature perspective.
Special Aside for Parents of Teens – We’ll Keep it Short
If parents have noticed any of these acronyms in the messages or social media posts their teens are using, this is cause for some alarm and can indicate that those teens are considering or actually engaging in risky behaviors.
There’s a delicate balance for parents between monitoring their teens’ online behavior and also respecting their privacy. It’s tough today. Parents must:
- keep themselves educated about the acronyms that are constantly being added in slang
- keep lines of communication open with their teens, as much as possible, and dump the criticism and judgement. They will simply tune their parents out
- point out the dangers of hooking up with strangers in cyberspace
- set boundaries and expectations.
Remember. Most teens think they are invincible, that it won’t happen to them, that they can have sexcapades with no concern for safety or long-term consequences. Parents need to read articles on the subject, pass those articles on to their kids, and join support groups for advice. Just reading articles won’t cut it.
Enough said. This article is about adults and NSA. So, let’s move on.
There are Benefits for Sure
A person decides to engage in NSA relationships for a variety of personal reasons.
- They’re not anywhere near ready for a serious dating relationship, much less a long-term commitment or looking at getting married.
- They are focused on their career goals and have decided that a romantic commitment would get in the way right now.
- They’ve had a bad breakup and want no part of another romantic entanglement right now.
- They are on the rebound, and playing the field for mere physical pleasure, dating multiple people, is where they stand right now.
And there are certainly benefits for people in these circumstances.
Sex and Nothing More
Nothing goes beyond your bedroom or theirs. And as long as both of you are honest and cool with that, it’s a no harm, no foul situation.
There’s no obligation in a one-night stand to keep seeing each other; you don’t have to go to dinner, to parties, or be dating outside of the bedroom.
And if and when either of you decides to move on, there are not entanglements to undo.
No Worries About Incompatibilities
Any person in a a serious dating relationship has to make sure they connect with the other person on all sorts of levels, and these can include such things as political and religious beliefs, values, life goals, and such. They have to explore all of these compatibilities as they make partner choices and a commitment.
None of this is important or even a consideration with NSA relationships. It’s all about what goes on underneath the covers and nothing more than that. No need to communicate about anything but the clear boundaries of what is an NSA meaning to them. No pressure for anything more, even friendship.
Explore Your Kinks and Fantasies
Having a physical connection void of any romantic relationship lets people “test” out the kinks and fantasies they may have only read about or viewed elsewhere. Of course, this requires agreement on the part of your squeeze.
And one of the great things about having a regular banging friend is that you can both bring your ideas to the table and feel comfortable sharing and exploring. It’s also much safer with the same person – less risk of STI’s for one thing.
And if a regular bang-buddy is not your thing, you can also play the field, trying out new tricks and maybe learning some new ones from others. There’s a lot of freedom with playing the field. Regular testing, please – safety is a must.
Boost Your Sense of Self-Worth
There’s nothing like a booty call from one of your no-strings-attached dating partners who wants to have some fun and wants to have it with you. It’s the kind of thing that boosts your confidence in your personal sexual prowess. Arise and seize the moment, keep it casual, and be free to part ways when the “session” is over.
What Can Go Wrong?
Well, yes, there are things that can go wrong. Here are some red flags to watch for.
You or Your Squeeze Catch Feelings
Especially if this is one-sided, it can be a big problem. One of you begins to have emotional and romantic attachment. The NSA arrangement is clearly in jeopardy. What to do? Let’s suppose it’s you.
- Try to analyze your feelings. And here is where a relationship coach might help as you try to sort things out. There’s a difference between the chemicals that your brain releases during the act that can mask as deeper emotional feelings and genuine feelings that will be long-lasting. A coach can explain this so you can sort it out.
- Think about what else this person can add to your life. How much do you even know about them? Their goals, values, dreams, interests, passions? Chances are you don’t know much. You’ll have to dig into these things.
- If you decide that your feelings are genuine, it’s time to have that talk. Ask them over, sit them down, and tell them what has happened. You will probably be taking them by surprise, so give them time to digest. You can’t communicate something this startling and expect an immediate response.
- Don’t set yourself up for a huge fall. You may have expectations that they will respond that they are catching feelings too. But there is every chance that they are not. They’ll want to move on. Put a band aid on your hurt and move on too. It’s just the nature of how NSA ties turn out sometimes.
Watch Out for Your Self-Worth
While a purely sexual relationship with a bunch of people or with just one FWB can be a confidence booster, it can also become a confidence drain. As a dating coach may explain to you, you can begin to feel that your only worth to others is what you bring under the covers and nothing else. All of us need to feel that we have worth in more aspects of our being.
Getting Things Out of Balance
Here’s a common challenge. If you are truly only interested in a sexual relationship, then satisfy your carnal desires and casual carnal physical needs in any and all ways you want – more power to you.
But if you are trying to also find a more serious relationship at the same time, you’re going to have to find a balance of energy between having some traditional dates, where you clean up your language and behavior, and the casual sex of your NSA dating.
Let’s Wrap it All Up
This is a lot to take in regarding just a few slang terms, but an expanded definition explains a lot about both the term and those who pursue NSA relationships, their life experiences, and how NSA partners interact. Here are the major points to keep in mind:
NSA Meaning
An NSA relationship is characterized by people who fulfill their sexual needs, sometimes including kinks and fantasies, without any expectations or desires for affection or emotions.
Other related terms are ONS (one-night stands) and FWB (friends with benefits). But any NSA arrangement can exist without naming it with specific language. The key is that those involved in NSA relationships maintain an emotional and romantic distance from their sexual partners.
NSA Benefits
People who choose NSA relationships do so for a host of reasons:
- They’re not ready for anything serious at their stage of life, for a variety of reasons
- They’re focused on careers goals and don’t want to be distracted by a “strings attached” relationship
- They’ve had a bad breakup and have sworn off relationships at least for a while
- They are on the rebound and become somewhat promiscuous
And for these people, NSA arrangements work, with the following perks:
- There’s no obligation on the part of either party to continue the arrangement unless they are interested in doing so, and no need to see each other outside of their bedrooms
- No entanglements if either one decides to move on
- No need for open communication about other compatibilities
- The change to try out fantasies, fetishes, and other kinks
- “Getting off” sexually can boost a person’s sense of confidence
Challenges and Pitfalls
Yes, there certainly are some:
- One of the partners can develop emotional and/or romantic feelings that are not shared by the other. End of the arrangement, for sure.
- One or both may come to see themselves only as a sex object, not as a three-dimensional person
- Someone is engaged in NSA activities while still looking for a more traditional and serious relationship. Things can get out of balance and, if a serious dating mate finds out, there will not be any support for that behavior. They may walk away in disgust.
So, what’s the bottom line here? It’s whatever you want it to be. You can choose to be an NSA “royal” for all of your life, for a part of your life, and even move back and forth at will. That’s the wonderful freedom that we enjoy in a much more open society.
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