Now You Have a Breakup Remorse – Can You Get Your Ex Back?

Last Updated 30.04.2023
6 min read

Broken hearts. They’re all around us. We’ve had our hearts broken and we have probably broken a few ourselves. But now you may be in a situation where you have a broken heart of your own making. You dumped your partner, it was a mistake, and you would do anything to get them back now.

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    Is this even possible?

    The short answer is yes. The long answer is that it’s going to take some slick and smooth effort on your part. And in the end, it might not be successful because your ex may have already moved on.

    But let’s think positively.

    Steps That Might Work

    You’ll need time and patience. But if you’re serious about this, then you’ll be willing to make the effort.

    Analyze Why You Broke it Off

    Think carefully about why you dumped your ex. Were you just bored? Did you think there were better “pickings” out there that needed to be explored? Were you too jealous? Did you think your ex was cheating on you? Did your ex really cheat on you? Did you have a major fight and, in the heat of the moment, send them packing? 

    You’re going to need to figure out how you and your ex will be able to avoid the same circumstances again. So, develop a plan in your head before you go knocking on their door again.

    Give Yourself a “No-Contact” Order

    It’s possible your ex is angry or really hurt. And that anger and pain are still fresh. If you make contact right away, you will likely be turned away. So, just don’t chance it right now. In fact, they may have even blocked you from their phone – if not, pretend they have for right now.

    You can send some subtle messages, especially on your social media pages. Post some nice photos of yourself, alone of course, doing something productive. Maybe you do some volunteer work somewhere; maybe you are taking a class and can post a selfie of yourself engaged in schoolwork. This sends a message that you have not hooked up with anyone else.

    Wait a minimum of three weeks before you make the first contact. This will give you time to make sure that you really want this too.

    First Contact – You are Just Testing the Water Here

    You want to begin communication with something that will pique their interest. Something like, “You’re never going to believe what happened to me today,” or “You’re not going to believe what I heard today.” It’s hard for any human to resist responding to this kind of message.

    Once you get a response, make sure you have something to tell them that they really have an interest in. Let’s say you are both into politics and have the same opinions about any number of things. Give an interesting piece of political news. Suppose you both follow the same sports teams. Maybe find an interesting tidbit about a player you both really like.

    This will give you an “in” to keep the conversation going.

    Build Some Connection

    Once you’ve told your “story” and get a response, move on to another question. “What do you think about that?” When you do get that opinion back, say something like, “That’s just what I was thinking.” You want to show that you are on the same “wavelength” on this topic at least.

    Now, Wait Just a Bit

    Maybe a few days. Then, send a text that reminds them of something when you were at one of the best moments in your relationship. A photo might be good here. Maybe you went to a concert or a Pride event together. Don’t show the two of you all cuddly and googly-eyed – Just a great picture with both of you sporting big smiles. The goal here is to spark a memory of a really great time when the two of you were totally enjoying yourselves together. Say something simple: “I just found this picture – great fun wasn’t it?”

    Wait. If you get a response, great. You can follow up a bit later with a more detailed memory you had of that event. “Remember that guy who stood next to us? I bet he hadn’t bathed in 3 months!”

    Your ex is playing with a full deck. They realize what you are doing here. You are trying to re-establish a connection, but they may not be sure for what purpose. They may also still be pretty “gun-shy.” Remember, you hurt them. They may still be angry or in some pain and not looking to go through that again. If they don’t respond, then give it a rest for a while.

    Do You Still Have Something That Belongs to Them?

    Rummage through everything at your place. Is there anything you have that belongs to them? A Scarf? A plastic rainbow bracelet? A pair of socks? When couples break up, there are usually a few things left behind. After you have waited a bit more, send another text. “Hey, I just found (name of item) of yours. Can we meet up for a cup of coffee so I can get it back to you?”

     Do this when you have waited a couple of weeks after a “no response.” You don’t want them to think you are harassing or stalking, but this definitely sends a signal that you’d like to meet face-to-face. 

    The First Meetup – Keep it So Casual

    The place must be casual – preferably very public. Meet for coffee before work or during your lunch hour. This sets a very specific timeframe for a short meetup and will probably be less “threatening” to your ex. On the other hand, if they say they’ll come to pick it up, all the better. You can invite them in but make it only a very short conversation, and keep your distance. 

    This first meeting is just the overture. You’re not ready for the first act, yet.

    Build Some Trust with Texting Over Time

    If that first meetup went well, you can continue to text. If you get responses, you can then begin more personal conversations but stay away from the breakup and what led to your tossing them. If they want to bring it up, simply say that it’s not time to talk about that yet, “Let’s just enjoy talking to each other right now – like we’re just getting to know each other.”

    The Rest is Up to You and Your Ex

    What comes after this is up to the two of you. Ultimately, if you continue to talk, you will have to address the issues that motivated you to push them out. Be honest. At that point, if you two decide to give it another go, then you will have to make changes. Agree on those changes.

    Time is the Key Here

    How’s your level of patience? Because you may need a lot of it if you intend to get your ex back. 

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