No-No Conversations on the First Date

Last Updated 02.11.2022
3 min read

First dates can be a bit stressful. What to wear? Where to go? What to talk about? You will need to figure out these first two questions on your own after you and your date have agreed upon the specifics. You will also have to consider what you will talk about. Your best bet is to have a list of questions in your mind so that the conversation doesn’t become all about you. You want your date to know that you are interested in them. On the other hand, there are things that you should never talk about on a first date. Here's a list that will keep you out of trouble. Avoid these like the plague.

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No Trash-Talking Your Ex

If you do this, you sound bitter and negative, and probably that you are having a hard time moving on from the pain or anger. In fact, you shouldn’t give any specific details about your ex, even positive ones. Talking about your ex at all gives a sign that you are still looking back, not forward.

It’s Not All About You

Of course, you want your ex to know some stuff about you. They will probably ask questions related to your job/career, your interests, hobbies, etc. But don’t answer those questions by going into lots of detail about all of your achievements and accomplishments. These are things that should dribble out over time. And you should have your list of questions too so that the conversation is balanced and you seem as interested in them as they are in you. And above all, be honest in your responses. Don’t build yourself up to being something you are not. It will all come out eventually.

Politics and Religion

Unless you have chatted about these things before the date and have found that you have a lot in common in these areas, stay away from these topics altogether. If your political views and your religion are really important for any relationship you consider, you should have broached these subjects before agreeing to the date.

Family and Work Drama

Here’s what your date does not need to know – that you and your siblings are not talking because of a huge fight over the inheritance, or work drama - your CEO who is having an affair with his secretary, or the coworker who is drinking on the job. Really? You sound like nothing more than a gossip or someone who just needs to vent about the wrongs done to them. 

Your Sex Life/Sexual Preferences

If you want the date to end quickly, give them all the details of your sex history and how many people you’ve had sex with. And you can also talk about all of the kinds of sex you like best – your favorite positions, how much you like oral sex, sex toys you love, etc. This is just too much information for a first date.


Never talk about how much you have or don’t have. And don’t be bragging about all of your investments and smart financial moves. Chances are you are exaggerating, just to impress, and the truth will come out if this date turns into a more serious relationship. If you are asked, be vague and general in your response.

No “We” Talk

No matter how infatuated you are in the moment, never give “we” messages – we should do this, we could go to Jamaica when my vacation time comes up. Way too much, way too soon – bite your tongue and at the end of the date, set up a second one if you want to move forward.

Moderation is the Key

First dates are an open door to a possible future, especially if you are impressed and really like what you see and hear. Don’t ruin your chances by letting your nervousness or your enthusiasm bring up topics that are totally inappropriate or focus on your need to dominate and exaggerate. Aristotle once said, “All things in moderation.” Let this be your mantra on that first date.

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