Entering the world of dating after coming out as trans can be scary, awkward, and even dangerous. Even if you have had romantic and sexual experiences before, the transition may change your approaches and preferences. And if you are looking for your first relationship, the dating landscape can feel like a dark forest full of enchantment… and beasts.
So, how to make your first dates enjoyable while not betraying your personality and principles? I will give some tips to cis people as well, so skip to the end if you’re not trans but want to learn not to be a creep when dating trans people.
People have been discussing the pillars of sexuality for more than a century. What makes you straight or gay? Does gender identity matter more than body parts? The philosophical debate might never end, but what’s sure is that in your relationship, you decide. If you’re a trans man who likes women, a cis woman won’t become queer because she started dating you… unless you decide on something else together. We are more than our bodies, and it’s non-negotiable.
First, read the previous section and keep in mind how many precautions trans people have to take to enjoy the date. If you want to be a good partner, it’s your job to keep their anxiety as low as possible. Here’s some tips for you:
Don’t be a chaser.
Your main concern should be “How do I communicate with this particular trans person that I like,” not “How do I find myself a trans person because I like transness as a concept.” If you are from the second batch, try to process your fetish before contacting trans people. Most of the community find this approach degrading and harmful.
Educate yourself.
Your date doesn’t want to be an activist in a romantic setting, even if they are a fighter every other day. We come to relationships to exchange support and love, not to teach. So please try to find the answers to all the essential questions yourself.
Put personality before the body.
If it’s your first relationship with a trans person, their physicality might seem scary after all the fear mongering in the media. But remember that you liked this person not for their organs but for who they are as individuals. When things will come to the bedroom, you will manage. Just be gentle and establish proper communication with your partner.
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