From romantic attraction and romantic orientation to describing your own feelings in a romantic relationship, it’s time to demystify everything to do with being lithromantic.
How we experience romantic feelings and how those feelings get reciprocated vary tremendously within all healthy relationships. If you’ve ever had a crush on someone and hoped the person shared mutual feelings, then you’ll already understand more than you think about feeling romantic attraction.
We’ll explore lithromantic behaviour, how to experience romantic love with a lithromantic person and explore other sexual orientations who may also fly the lithromantic flag. Let’s get started!
What is Lithromantic?
To hold a lithromantic identity is where you feel and experience romantic attraction, but you do not want those feelings reciprocated. If those romantic interests are reciprocated, then a lithromantic person may feel uncomfortable or lose interest in those romantic feelings altogether.
Identifying as lithromantic is entirely to do with romantic feelings and romantic attraction, which makes lithromantic a romantic orientation as opposed to a sexual orientation. You can experience romantic attraction whilst also feeling sex repulsed, sexually attracted to people of the same sex or even people of the opposite sex. Lithromantic people can develop crushes on all genders and identities whilst remaining under the lithromantic orientation.
Lithromantic is under the aromantic spectrum. The aromantic spectrum includes other orientations such as asexual, aromantic, and it is sometimes known as akoiromantic. The word lithromantic comes from the Greek word lithos, which means “stone.” Originally, this term was used to describe butch or masculine people, but these days the term lithromantic is just for aromantic people.
The opposite of identifying as lithromantic are alloromantic people. These people seek out crushes that are mutual. Of course, individual experiences may vary, but some lithromantic people seek out unavailable people who will never feel reciprocated love or romantic interests to the other person.
Romantic Orientation and Romantic Attraction
When you experience romantic attraction, it can mean you have a crush on someone. Sexual attraction is more driven by would you want to be physical with that person, whereas how you experience romantic attraction is to do with a romantic relationship.
Your romantic orientation is how you experience romantic attraction. Do you want a romantic relationship with just women that never gets physical, or just men? Or perhaps you are not interested in a romantic relationship at all and only want something sexual?
Your romantic orientation can also be somewhat fluid, with some people’s feelings towards having a romantic relationship fluctuating depending on a variety of things. Many lithromantic individuals do not find their feelings to fluctuate, but for some, their lithromantic feelings do change.
Do Lithromantic Individuals Feel Uncomfortable Expressing Romantic Feelings?
Some lithromantics do feel uneasy whenever they feel romantic feelings, whereas others only feel uneasy if those feelings are reciprocated by their crush.
This is why most lithromantics try to seek out romantic feelings towards unavailable people to avoid any relationship difficulties that might come with romantic gestures.
It is not uncommon within lithromantic behaviour for the interest to fully fade once the “chase” is over, as most people who are lithromantic prefer the fantasy of talking and imagining a relationship with a crush over the reality of a real life relationship with that crush.
Of course, some lithromantic individuals do end up in romantic relationships with someone else and battle with these uncomfortable feelings, and they try to figure out both how they identify and whether they prefer being with their partner or just feeling attracted to them for a moment.
Many people within the aromantic community do feel confused when they first start making sense of how they feel, as not many people are talking about the different ways people feel attraction outside of the LGBTQ+ spectrum. For many, life is extremely uncomfortable, especially surrounding intimacy, until they start to understand how they identify.
A few of the apps below offer a moment of peace for lithromantics as they are allowed to start talking to people who prefer the kind of romantic or sexual life that they do. Once lithromantics start to understand that there is nothing wrong with their identity or how they are attracted to someone, many start to have a much happier life.
How to Date a Lithromantic Person
Now this is where it can get complicated if you don’t take time to fully understand the idea of being with a person who has a lithromantic identity.
When dating lithromantic individuals, you must get to know lithromantic behavior and start to manage both your expectations of the relationship and your partner’s.
There is no denying that there is a significant difference between a lithromantic lifestyle and a “normal” relationship, so you must get to know your own feelings and learn to manage those feelings. There are many online communities that help with self acceptance and understanding desire, romance, as well as having ideas on how to be with a lithromantic person.
No matter your sexuality or how you identify, these basic expectations will help you embrace your partner’s identity and understand their romantic and sexual feelings towards you.
Will They Lose Interest in You?
As in any relationship, a lithromantic person might lose their feelings and interest towards you. You need to understand that this is nothing to do with sexuality or orientation as it can happen to any person lithromantic or not.
However, by discussing your feelings with your lithromantic partner, it will make it much easier to understand how both of you are feeling about the whole relationship. If the idea that someone might not always desire you or feel any romance in your relationship, especially towards you, then you might be better off keeping a lithromantic person as just friends.
For some lithromantics their levels of romance and desire towards friends and partners can change over time so it’s important to consider that aspect of the relationship before you start a whole new life together.
Practising Open Communication
Whether you’re friends with a lithromantic or in a relationship with them, discussing everything from desire levels, romance levels, right through to mundane aspects of life will help keep the relationship strong.
This is a skill worth practising regardless of partners or friends identity as it’s essential to understanding other people.
Navigating Physical Intimacy
Again, regardless of someones identity, coming to an understanding about your individual needs within a relationship, especially regarding physical intimacy is vital.
In any relationship, if you levels of desire don’t seem to be compatible, it could be better if you stayed as just friends. Of course, sexual desire and levels of interest will naturally fluctuate which brings us back to the importance of understanding open communication in any relationship, lithromantic or otherwise.
Fictional Characters Who are Lithromantic
Lithromantic representative in media is seriously lacking. Whilst there is not a single confirmed lithromantic character in mainstream media as of yet, tropes of unrequited love like Severus Snape and Lily from Harry Potter are often labelled as lithromantic.
For people to fully understand what it means to be lithromantic, it would be nice to see more lithromantic relationships on screen as opposed to the usual, lovey dovey romance we’re all so used to.
Within the romance genre, we are only just seeing any LGBTQ+ characters and most of those are poorly written so perhaps we need some lithromantic romance writers to step up to the challenge!
Find the One and Boost Your Mental Health with Taimi
If you’re interest in some form of romance or relationship with a lithromantic guy or girl or if you’re a lithromantic looking for love, Taimi comes out on top! It’s free to download so what are you waiting for? Start swiping today and see who matches with you!
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