That advice generally consists of laying down a dark towel and being prepared to wash your sheets when you’re finished.
That’s pretty limiting, and not just for straight people. The conversation straight up ignores two groups of people who may want to know how to enjoy period sex. People with vaginas also include lesbian women and trans men. Many have periods and choose not to allow that to limit when they can have sex. Others would love to enjoy sex while menstruating but aren’t quite sure how to go about that. Don’t we need more posts on sex-positive topics like this? So, without further ado – here is a post for anyone who has decided to explore having sex on their periods or simply want to support a curious partner.
Why Have Period Sex?
“One benefit to having sex while on your period is that menstruation can often act as a lubricant, which can make the act more pleasurable for everyone. Plus, with the elevation of hormones such as estrogen and testosterone, you may find yourself more sexually charged and more easily aroused, which can be a major plus. If you also find that you easily experience dryness during sex then having sex while on your period may actually improve the situation. It’s even believed that orgasms can help with menstrual cramps.”
– Williams OB/GYN and associates
The best reason to have period sex is because you’re horny and your partner is up for it. There are other benefits as well. Orgasm can relieve period pain. This is partially because orgasm increases blood flow to the uterus which can alleviate the pain of cramping. Additionally, you’ll also experience a release of feel-good chemicals such as oxytocin and dopamine. Even if you don’t want to have period sex, you could use masturbation as a way to relieve some period pain.
Some queer women view period sex as a way of bonding. For them, it’s about accepting and desiring one another in every state. Do you want to bond with a woman you love? Fuck her when she’s on her period.
Enjoying sex on your period can feel like a form of rebellion too. Period blood is often seen as gross and something to be ashamed of. By enjoying period sex you are saying there is no shame in this natural process that is so widely experienced among cisgender women, girls, and trans guys.
Potential Hangups And Roadblocks For Having Period Sex
Queer women are not immune from the cultural influences that impact how we see period blood and how we view the practice of having sex during menstruation. Some people simply feel uncomfortable around menstrual blood or don’t think the mess is worth any enjoyment they will get from period sex.
Also, lesbian sex often means oral sex. Not all women will want to perform that act on a partner out of fear of tasting or ingesting period blood. She may be okay with performing this act, but not comfortable at all with her girlfriend going down on her when she has her period. Even though the experience doesn’t involve as much exposure some lesbians may not feel comfortable getting blood on their fingers either.
There may also be religious or cultural issues at play here. These can make the idea of sexual contact during a period simply unacceptable to some menstruating people.
Finally, having period sex may be seen as breaking a social norm or rule. Someone who is neurodivergent or hypervigilant for some reason may feel uncomfortable with sex during periods for this reason.
Preparing For Period Sex
If you and your partner are both comfortable with period sex, it’s time to talk about preparation. So, what should you do with your partner to prepare for sex during your periods? That depends on what you are comfortable with.
If you are comfortable with blood and don’t feel the need to add any constraints to your experience, then the two of you can go at it with no preparation whatsoever. Just embrace the beauty and sensuality of two people having really messy sex. Then, worry about the cleanup when you are done.
There are also ways to enjoy sex without having as much of a mess to clean. You can:
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Have sex in the missionary position
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Experiment with anal penetration instead of vaginal
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Have period sex in the tub or shower
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Try frottage (dry humping) or using a vibrator over period panties
Just know that periods are bloody, and there is at least some chance that no method or device will totally guarantee that you or your partner won’t be exposed to some blood.
Can You Use Menstrual Products or Contraceptives?
You shouldn’t use tampons during sex on your period. There’s a risk of infection, and many women don’t find it very comfortable. That doesn’t eliminate menstrual products altogether. You might try a menstrual cup that acts as a barrier to blood flow. It fits inside your vagina and can be used for several hours.
What about birth control? Contraceptives may not be on your radar for preventing pregnancy, but you might consider it to make your period more manageable. Hormonal birth contral may reduce the duration of your cycle, lighten your flow, and reduce cramps. All of these things can make it easier to have sex while you are on your period.
Sidenote: Speak to your healthcare provider if you have questions about using birth control for any reason. Also, always follow instructions before using menstrual care products. Remember that you may have been told things about period safety y our entire life that just aren’t true. Get educated!
Enjoying Safe Period Sex
If you decide to enjoy sex during your cycle, there are a few things to keep in mind so your experience is always safe and pleasurable.
Let’s talk about STIs. Many of these are more easily transmitted when there is blood involved. Know your risks and make an informed decision. Start by talking with your partner about your status and theirs. Get tested if you haven’t in a while. You can wear gloves or use a dental dam to reduce your risk, but there is no way to eliminate it.
Many people with vaginas experience a lower pain threshold during their period. This is something to keep in mind. For instance, if you engage in BDSM play, the person on the “receiving end” may hit their limits much sooner – so be ready to be gentler you are the dom. Likewise, don’t hesitate to set new limits for what you are willing to do if you find that your period makes pain too intense.
You may find that your period cramps intensify in certain positions. Experiment a bit so you both get the most pleasure you can during period sex. Try finding a website that sells pillows you can use to support your back. Or, use a heating pad to avoid cramps.
Finally, never insert anything in your vagina that isn’t intended to be there. This includes paper towels, rags, or sponges. Stick with things that are body-safe and easy to “retrieve” when you are done having penetrative sex.
Lesbian Sex With a Trans Woman
If your partner is a trans woman who has not had bottom surgery, and you have penetrative sex, be aware that pregnancy may be a risk. Some women are told their entire lives that they can’t get pregnant when they are menstruating. This is not entirely true. Don’t make guess work of your reproduction. Be safe. This website gets into good detail on how the length of your cycle impacts your pregnancy risk.
Toys And Tools to Make Period Sex Fun
If you and your partner are all in on period sex, consider investing in some items that can make the whole thing that much more enjoyable for the two of you.
First, let’s talk about cleanup and mess avoidance. A towel is helpful, but there are also bed protectors for that time of the month. These are even more absorbent. Also, consider getting some heavy-duty moist toilets to keep at your bedside.
What if one of you is feeling horny, but doesn’t want to touch blood? No problem! Break out some disposable gloves. This is also a great time to play around with a personal massager for plenty of mess-free orgasms.
You know how you’re more sensitive to touch and pain while you’re on your period? If you’re feeling kinky, you could take advantage of that. Put away the impact play toys and go with something a bit gentler like feather ticklers or even ice cubes. She may just love the sense of cold or that tantalizing tickle.
Alternatives to Having Sex During That Time of The Month
You don’t have to have sex to join your girlfriend for some fun time when one of you is on your period. Instead, you can create a special moment in your relationship as you find other ways to pleasure yourselves. There’s cuddling, watching porn, scrolling through your favorite images of sexy women, and even mutual masturbation. If you prefer, the two of you can absolutely keep one another in breathless anticipation as you wait for the end of shark week. Hell, turn it into a game where you send one another raunchy texts and spicy comments.
Talking About Lesbian Sex And Periods
“Some called it Eve’s curse but she thought that was stupid, and the real curse of Eve was having to put up with the nonsense of Adam, who as soon as there was any trouble, blamed it all on her.”
– Margaret Atwood
Why don’t we talk about sex during our periods? It certainly isn’t covered in the average middle school sex education class. And, as progressive as your mother may have been, that’s probably not a conversation you had with her either. When the topic of periods and sex does come up it’s usually from a very hetero POV as well as being very focused on the male gaze. Most of us have heard of men boasting about earning their red wings or saying that real men aren’t afraid to get blood on their swords. Meanwhile, there’s very little discussion of this topic within lesbian relationships. That’s ridiculous if you think about it simply considering that lesbian relationships probably involve more menstruation than any others.
If you are an experienced lesbian, this topic has probably come up for you on multiple occasions. If not, you may struggle with bringing this up to your partner. What if they are appalled at the idea? What if they are all in when it comes to period sex, but you are still hesitant?
No matter what, it’s an important subject to bring up. No matter what you and your partner decide to do in the context of your relationship, having these conversations is so helpful. This is how we get rid of ridiculous taboos, encourage one another to accept the natural things that happen to our body, and leave ourselves open to experiencing (messy) pleasure every week of the month.
So, how do you have that conversation? Start by being honest but nonjudgmental. As an example, “I haven’t done it with past partners, but how do you feel about having sex while we are on our periods?” or “I don’t know if I’m comfortable with sex during my time of the month, but if you wanted to try using sex toys during yours I would be open to that.”
If you are on team “period sex is life” that’s fine. Just don’t shame your partner if she doesn’t feel the same way. Likewise, if you just can’t get into having sex on your period that’s okay too! For some people, the best orgasm in the world isn’t worth the discomfort they feel about it all. Nothing is wrong with this as long as your partner doesn’t feel judged if they enjoy this activity.
Ultimately, this is like any other sexual activity. If both of you enthusiastically agree to explore your sexuality regardless of your time of the month – wonderful! If not, you will have plenty of time to create magic moments between the two of you.
The World Needs More Shark Week Sex
Well, maybe not more sex, but more acceptance of it. Women (and men!) have periods. Their desire for sex doesn’t stop because of it. Shouldn’t we embrace that?
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