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Women have an average of 450 periods during their menstrual years. that is, of course, unless by choice or medical necessity, they no longer have a uterus. This is about 40 years' worth, as young girls learn in their first sex education class.
When girls begin to have periods, they get first-hand knowledge from that sex education class - period pain, cramps, unexpected surprises in their pants, a non-regular cycle, mood swings.
Nothing's really pleasant about having a period. In fact, a woman may feel uncomfortable enough, that she cancels plans with friends or must take a day or so off work. And even though period blood is usually no more than about three tablespoons, it seems like much more.
Add to all of this the fact that as a girl becomes sexually active, she's "out of commission" for several days.
Or is she? Period sex can and does happen. Of course, it's messy and will require some advance preparation. And, for heterosexual couples, that probably includes such things as a dark towel on the bed and more personal cleanup afterward - that can be easily managed.
But what if the couple is lesbian? How does this even work?
Well, it can, and it does. Queer women the world over enjoy period sex, and their sexuality doesn't get in the way - no matter what you learned in that "so last century" sex education class.
First, let's talk about the inconvenience and the frustration that comes with the decision not to have sex when you or your partner is on their period. Chances that those periods coincide are probably a million-to-one. And let's suppose each of you has an average period of five days. This means that 10 days of every month, queer women partners must go without - where's the justice or pleasure in that?
There has to be a solution, and yes, there are several. So, let's have a look-see at just how period sex between lesbians can become a part of your life and keep that intimate bond with your partner strong. Beyond the information here, you might want to access a lesbian chat room and ask others about their experiences and advice. After all, there is nothing better than getting first-hand information from one who has been there.
An honest and open conversation about period sex has to happen. First, you have to be honest with yourself about how you feel during your periods. Do you just want to retreat to your couch or bedroom, and wallow in your discomfort and bad mood? Or do you get extra horny during your time of the month and want crazy sex and amazing orgasms? How about your partner? Do you know exactly how she feels during her "time?" Until all of this is out in the open lesbian partners will never have complete relationships. Neither partner should have to "guess" about how their other reacts to their period.
The point is this: If you are in a serious lesbian relationship, your goal should be to accept how your partner feels about their periods and what they want to do during those times. And they must do the same for you. If one of you wants to be left alone, then so be it. If one of you wants sex, then so be it. All relationships involve compromise and a willingness to meet the needs and wants of partners. Even though couples don't avoid this subject, it is important that they be completely honest.
So, what do we mean by "non-assisted?" Well, it means using only manual means of sexual stimulation to reach orgasm. This may mean that partners masturbate together; it may mean that they use their fingers on one another, either vaginally or anally. It may mean grinding. Or it may actually mean oral activity if tasting blood is not an issue, even though that can get a bit messy. In other words, lesbian partners may engage in many of the sexual activities they normally do when not on their periods. And if they would rather avoid some of the mess, there is always shower sex. It can be a bit awkward on the body but also fun - the subject of more posts later perhaps.
Some women may have a lowered pain threshold during their periods - cramps, lower pelvic pain, etc. that seem to bother them more than similar types of discomfort during non-menstrual times. It's important that they talk to one another during the sex, so they get a clear sense of any modifications that need to be made.
Now, let's take a look at alternatives to manual, hands-on period sex.
If you have ever visited a sex toy store, either in person or online, you know the huge variety of equipment available for "non-manual" sex. And for couples who are a bit squeamish about period blood, these are great alternatives for an amazing fuck during menstrual periods. Here are just a few options:
Vibrators: used on the clit or inserted into the vagina. If both partners have had orgasms with these toys in the past, using them now just seems logical.
Dildos: Again, these can be inserted into the vagina by hand or via a strap-on. the only additional piece of equipment will be a dark towel underneath.
Anal Sex Toys: If either or both partners have had orgasms via anal sex toys, then this is the right time for it
Years ago, a diaphragm was the only form of birth control. A woman was fitted for the device which she then inserted into her vagina before having sex. Obviously, this prevented sperm from arriving at their destinations.
Today, there are alternatives to diaphragms - other menstrual products that don't require "fitting" and a costly OB-GYN visit. And rather than block those little swimmers, they can block the flow of menstrual blood down through the vaginal canal. Lots of women use these just to prevent leakage and "accidents" that can ruin clothes at really inconvenient times. (Can you imagine leaking onto a white skirt or pants during an important meeting at work or while sitting in a classroom? The best bet is to wear dark clothing on the days your period may begin or put in a tampon or a pad just to be on the safe side). But we digress.
The point of a menstrual cup or other blocking devices is to stop the flow of menstrual blood down into the canal. And there are lots of options:
The Flex Cup is a trademarked product. You can order them in bulk (they are disposable). They are flexible and form-fitting and made of hypo-allergenic materials. Use them during penetrative and oral sex and just throw them out when finished.
Makeup Sponges: These are circular and can be placed up into the vaginal cavity, just like the flex cup. They will absorb blood for a short period of time, usually long enough to have oral sex. The downside is that they are not sterile and are usually made of polyester which has been linked to toxic shock syndrome. If you use them, do so only for short time periods and get them out immediately. Douching would also be advised.
Sea Sponges: these are fully "natural" blood blockers but, again, are not sterile. Take the same precautions that you would with makeup sponges. Still, they are highly absorbent, although a bit "rough."
Soft Tampons: These are made of sponge material rather than the usual tampon composition. They can be inserted up into the vaginal canal and will absorb a lot of blood for a mess-free sex event. Again, in the glow of after-sex, do not forget to remove them or any other blocking device that may be used. Leaving any menstrual products for blocking up there too long can be dangerous.
Which of these devices works best for anyone during period sex is a personal choice. The only answer is experimentation.
And now you understand all of your options for lesbian period sex, let's unpack some of the benefits of lesbian sex during periods.
According to Dr. Lorna Pender, a former physician with the NIH and now a consultant with the pharmaceutical industry, "Overall, sex during menstruation has many health benefits, including effective pain relief, greater bonding with your partner, and opportunities for variation in sexual activity" and more.
Estrogen levels drop just before a period. And with that drop comes a lower tolerance for pain. This is one reason for the cramps and discomfort. The other reason is that the uterine lining is shedding, and it contracts while doing that. This makes a person feel uncomfortable, if not in downright pain.
During orgasm, the uterine muscles contract and release, and that release can provide some relief from cramping.
And an indirect benefit of orgasm is that it causes the brain to release endorphins, those "feel-good" hormones, and "mind over matter" can kick in, putting thoughts on the great sex rather than the discomfort.
Yes, while this may be a minor benefit, blood is a natural lube for penetrative sex.
So, any sex that involves penetration of the uterus and normal sexual movements that end with orgasm will bring about the normal contraction and release. As this happens, more blood than usual will probably be expelled from the uterus. The result? A period may actually be shortened.
Migraines can be horrible. And research shows that these demons can rear their ugly heads just prior to and during periods. Some effective treatments include hormones, but another study indicates that having sex during a period can reduce or totally relieve both migraines and cluster headaches, also common during periods.
Period sex can be fun and satisfying. And lesbian sex while on a period holds lots of options for experimenting and finding new ways that you and your girlfriend can pleasure each other. But it is worth thinking about some other things here:
A lot of people believe the myth that sexually transmitted infections can't be transmitted during period sex. And, yes, lesbians do transmit them just as heteros do. Unless you are in a monogamous relationship, regular testing is a must, especially for HIV and hepatitis (they reside in the bloodstream), but any signs of herpes or genital warts should mean no sex until those conditions are clear. Of course, those bacterial STDs should be tested for too. There are actually a couple of studies that say STIs are even more transmissible during periods. If you are meeting other women on a lesbian dating app and engaging in sex with a variety of hookups, testing is especially important, as will be thoroughly douching after each encounter. Not everyone you meet on a dating website will be completely honest about their sexual or STI history.
Period sex is messy, no doubt, and it's important to be prepared for it - both physically and mentally. First, two people have to be mentally prepared. there are just some people who are neat freaks who will freak out with the type of mess that period sex involves. And these women have to be fine with the sight and smell of blood (and the taste, if oral sex will be involved without any blocker devices).
Physical preps involve those things covered above, but even with them, there is bound to be some mess. Keeping such things as wipes nearby will help, and don't forget that dark towel underneath. Otherwise, you'll find yourself looking for the best ways to get blood out of your sheets.
Period sex can be enjoyable, and lots of women find that sex during a period can actually be even more enjoyable. Here are the major points to remember:
Both women have to agree on what they want to do, what "tools" they want to use, if any, and what the boundaries will be. There must be both mental and physical preparation for period sex.
Manual and oral lesbian sex during menstruation can be amazing and result in world-class orgasms. Sex toys can figure in here too.
Anal sex can be a great alternative during these "times of the month," if both agree and find it pleasurable
There is a large array of menstrual products including cups and blockers that will catch the menstrual flow to have "blood-free" sex.
There are some real benefits from period sex backed by research - these may ease pain and discomfort as well as actually shorten a period.
Period sex does not eliminate the transmission of STIs, and regular testing should be a part of anyone's routine.
There's no reason why your body has to be sexually inactive during your periods. With the right partner, the right tools, and the right amount of preparation, you don't have to go one day without the sex you want.
Don’t let your period put a halt to your sex life. If you do a little prep work, sex can be just as enjoyable during those five or so days as it is the rest of the month. You might be surprised to find that sex is even more exciting during your period.
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