What is Nymphomania?
Nymphomania is a sexist, outdated term that refers to women who have excessive sexual desire. It is often used to slut shame women while simultaneously labeling them as easy targets for predatory men. People who use the term nymphomania are rarely qualified to give any sort of mental health diagnosis.
Additionally, they weaponize the word nymphomania towards women using subjective criteria that usually boils down to:
- Declaring a woman a woman has nymphomania if she has sex in a way they disapprove of
- Attributing a strong sexual desire with lack of morals
- Declaring a woman has nymphomania if she has a lot of sex but not with them
- Using the term nymphomania to justify poor treatment of a woman based on her sexual behavior
- Implying that somebody may have mental disorders if they have more sex than is deemed "proper"
Historically, the word nymphomania has not been applied to men regardless of their sexual behaviors or dating track record. There is no commonly used male equivalent for nymphomania although both trans and cis men are just as susceptible to engaging in unhealthy sexual behavior. Compulsive sexual behavior is not a gendered disorder.
Where Did The Word Come From?
In Ancient Greece myths described nymphs as women who protected the waterways. Most caused no harm, but some nymphs would take young men captive and "bewitch" them. Nymphomania is derived from that.
What Should I Say Instead of Nymphomania?
This is where things get a bit dicey. Someone who has a lot of sex and has difficulty resisting the urge to have sex may have a hypersexuality disorder or a sex addiction. Both of these terms are preferable to nymphomania. They aren't applied only to women - a good thing!
However, keep in mind that this is a mental health diagnosis. It's also a bit controversial even among mental health professionals. The American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM V) contains diagnostic criteria for mental health disorders. There was a proposal to add hypersexual disorder to the DSM V, but it was ultimately not included. Despite this, there is a diagnostic code that allows healthcare providers to diagnose patients with healthcare providers.
Bottom Line: If you are speaking generically replace the word nymphomania with hypersexual behavior or disorder. That gives you an option that isn't gendered. It also separates the identity of the person from their diagnosis. A person is a nymphomaniac. They have hypersexuality disorder.
If you are talking about a specific person you should avoid describing them in diagnostic terms whether you say nymphomania or hypersexual disorder. Just like it's "ick" to say someone has bipolar disorder because you think they are moody, it's also "ick" to call someone a nymphomaniac. As a general rule, don't diagnose another person with a disease or health condition. That can ruin a relationship and may lead to unfair social stigma.
What Are The Symptoms of Hypersexuality or Sex Addiction
Some people believe that someone suffers from the medical condition hypersexual disorder if they have multiple sexual partners. This isn't true. Nor is this condition associated with a powerful sex drive. Someone can have a large number of sexual encounters outside of committed relationships and be perfectly healthy. So, rather than looking at sexual urges here are some things to consider:
- Inability to control sexual impulses even after suffering negative consequences
- Having multiple sexual partners*
- Depression and suicidal thoughts
- Engaging in harmful sexual behavior even when they are aware of hurt it causes themselves or others
- Being plagued with intrusive thoughts about sex and sexual fantasies
- Using sex as a distraction or coping mechanism for negative emotions or stress
- Anxiety
- Experiencing feelings of guilt and shame over their sexual behaviour
Harmful sexual behaviour can also be a symptom of other forms of mental illness. Promiscuity is often associated with bipolar disease although it certainly doesn't impact everyone. Someone may seek out relationships with the opposite sex to deal with feelings of depression or isolation.
Is There a Relationship Between Sexual Assault And Hypersexuality?
There can be a correlation between rape and hypersexuality disorder. But, the connection is not what many people assume it is. A person will not commit rape or sexual abuse because they are addicted to sex. That said, a person who is the victim of rape or sexual assault may become hypersexual as a trauma response.
It is very important to keep in mind that you should never make assumptions about what has gone on in somebody's life because of what you think about their behaviors. And, if you do know that a man or woman has experienced some kind of sexual trauma, remember that you are not their doctor or therapist. They are not your patient, and they need your support as a friend.
Treating Hypersexuality
Let's start with a bit of history. Unsurprisingly society has often treated women with a strong sex drive as not just sinful, but as a danger to the general public. Worse, someone didn't need to have excessive amounts of sex to be diagnosed as a nymphomaniac. Doctors would use a variety of symptoms to come to this conclusion:
- Having more sexual desire than their husband
- Being divorced
- Flirting
- Having a very active social life
- Cheating
- Being diagnosed with or alleged to have sexually transmitted diseases
- Having a larger-than-normal clitoris
- Family history of hypersexuality or other conditions
Brutal Treatment And Severe Consequences
Victorian-era treatment could range from rather odd (cold baths) to absolutely inhumane. Some women had their genitals removed or permanently disfigured with chemical solutions. Some were sent to live in asylums. Other treatments for this included cold water enemas and the application of leeches.
Some physicians even claimed that love madness was associated with certain physical attributes. This included a broad nose and thick lips. Also, behaviors and symptoms that would be diagnosed as psychosis or obsessiveness were often attributed to sexual mania. For example, a woman who tore her clothes or exposed herself in public today would be treated as if she had some form of mental illness. In the past, that behavior would have been attributed to her sexuality leading to traumatic treatments for her.
Sexual Discrimination Racism And Economic Oppression
All of this led to nymphomania being weaponized by people in power against those without it. A husband could have his wife sent away by alleging to the family doctor that her sexuality was dangerous or immoral. Authorities could strip black women of their autonomy and dignity with a few unproven allegations and descriptions of their physical features. If a woman's husband was adulterous, she might seek to punish or "disappear" the beautiful maidens he was spending time with rather than hold him accountable for his actions.
Misdiagnoses
The consequences for women with some physical health issues could be devastating. Imagine having epilepsy and having your doctor describe your seizure in sexual terms, and then spending months or years of your life receiving inadequate treatment in an asylum.
Modern Treatments For Compulsive Sexual Behaviour
Things are better today, but not perfect. Talk therapy is a common approach for those who engage in compulsive sexual behavior. This is often combined with medication. People often find help in support groups as well.
Most importantly, the process is now driven by patients' concerns. Generally, the patient chooses to seek treatment if they are bothered by their own behaviour. Although, they may be encouraged by others to pursue this path.
In talk therapy, patients are often asked about their present experiences. They are encouraged to spend time thinking about factors that may cause them to have excessive desire and difficulty managing their compulsive actions.
Healthy Vs. Problematic Sexuality
The way we view sex is determined by many factors. Culture, socialization, and religious beliefs all influence how we see our sexual desires. Through therapy, people are often able to begin to discern the difference between harmful and healthy behaviors. For instance, a woman who has felt inadequacy, guilt, and shame may realize that it's perfectly okay for her to enjoy sex.
In any case, the patient can lead the way as it relates to any treatment they might seek out. Talk therapy is useful because it encourages meaningful self-examination as well as a strategy for making improvements. If you decide to seek out help you might choose from:
- Cognitive behavioral therapy
- Mindfulness
- Psychodynamic psychotherapy
- Acceptance and commitment therapy
If the doctor and patient both determine it's necessary, there are medications available as well. Some of these are mood stabilizers, antidepressants, and naltrexone.
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