Last Updated 02.05.2024
13 min read

How to Last Longer in Bed - Some Solutions for Premature Ejaculation

Alan Schin (he/him/his) is the Chief Editor at Taimi. He wears several hats daily as a writer, editor, blogger, and content contributor. He began his university studies as a Psychology student but found his passion in Advanced Communication Studies. Alan loves having the opportunity to write and help our content team shine. According to Alan, his education helps him to understand the dynamics behind dating and socialization better. When he isn’t busy with Taimi, Alan works on his first novel, a sci-fi thriller, and creates works of art in his ceramics studio.

It happened again. The sex was amazing. Then, things started getting intense - too intense. You tried to stop it. You slowed down your thrusts. You tried to think about something non-sexual. Anything to stop it from happening once again. But, here you are again. Sitting in bed feeling awful with an unsatisfied partner. You apologize. Maybe they are understanding, or maybe not. But, you don't want sympathy. You want answers. How do you take care of your premature ejaculation problem?

You go to gay chat rooms for advice on a lot of things, but this isn't something you want to discuss publicly. What can you do?

First, understand that premature ejaculation is something that happens to everyone from time to time. If premature ejaculation is a rare occurrence for you, you probably don't have much to worry about. If it happens regularly, you may be able to do some things to hold off ejaculation and make sexual intercourse satisfying for both you and your partner.

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Table of Content

    Who Suffers from Early Ejaculation and Why?

    In a five-country survey conducted in 2005, hetero-vaginal intercourse was reported to last about five-six minutes. This survey, however, did not dig into the sexual satisfaction of both partners. And that's the point of this article. If early ejaculation is affecting the pleasure of either a man or woman partner, the issue should be addressed.

    Problems with erectile function (early ejaculation or erectile dysfunction) are common in men of all ages, though it is a common thought that only younger men prematurely ejaculate. That is just not true. Many older men, in fact, experience lifelong premature ejaculation issues.

    The point is this: if you, at any age, experience premature ejaculation, then you need to spend some time exploring why it is happening and then what you can do to solve the problem. After all, sexual pleasure for both you and your partner is the goal.

    Causes of Premature Ejaculation

    Most professionals say that there are both psychological and biological factors involved. Here's a rundown of the most common causes:

    Psychological

    The same things that can cause erectile dysfunction can also result in men experiencing premature ejaculation. These include:

    • Anxiety about sexual performance
    • Depression
    • Stress from life/work circumstances
    • Guilt over any number of things
    • Body image issues
    • Earlier sexual abuse

    Lack of Sexual Experience

    Men who have had little or no experience with sex will tend to reach orgasm much faster than average, sometimes in less than a minute. Once these individuals gain more experience and have sex more frequently, reaching orgasm tends to normalize on its own.

    Amount of Time Between Sex Sessions

    Men with a normal sex drive may, for several reasons, go without penetrative sex for longer than they are used to. And when they resume, their sexual arousal will be heightened and they will orgasm much faster. Again, when they return to regular sex life, this issue will fade away.

    Higher Amounts of Free Testosterone

    Higher levels of free testosterone in males can cause mood changes, aggression, risk-taking behavior, and impatience. In the bedroom, it can lead to them becoming sexually aroused much faster with premature orgasms.

    Hyperthyroidism

    Sometimes, the thyroid gland produces too much thyroxine, a hormone that plays roles in digestion, heart and muscle functions, and even brain development. But too much can also cause an early orgasm. researchers are not sure why this is so. They only know that once thyroxine levels are brought back down to normal, men can last longer in bed.

    Fixing Premature Ejaculation

    If you experience premature ejaculation, there are a number of things you can and should try to delay ejaculation. Some require professional medical advice, treatment, and drug treatment. Others may involve marital therapy; some might involve over-the-counter supplements; and still, others will mean that you have to change your behaviors or add some exercises that can result in delaying ejaculation during a sex session. So, let's dig into all of the things you could and should do to last longer in bed with longer sex sessions that will ensure your and your partner's pleasure.

    Slow Down

    The sexual activity of many men involves rapid "rolling." When you thrust in and out quickly, you can easily reach the point of orgasm before you even realize it's coming. And once that orgasm happens, it's all over, at least for the time being.

    You can slow down, with some simple self-control. And you might be surprised that your partner actually likes this slower pace. you can even take momentary breaks by pulling out, before going back in. This technique can even increase the arousal of your partner who then may actually orgasm more quickly, to match you - how great would that be.

    Another method that can delay ejaculation is to have your partner on top or to the side and let them have more control over the pace.

    Change Up Your Positions

    If you consistently use the same sex positions, and your orgasms continue to come too quickly, it only makes sense that you should try different sex positions to see if they will slow down your orgasms and let you last longer in bed. Talk to your partner about new positions that should be considered for a better sexual experience. Whether you are engaged in straight or gay dating, these conversations can result in sexual compromises and a willingness to experiment that will bring sexual satisfaction to both partners.

    Honest Communication with Your Partner

    Sometimes, your issue with premature ejaculation just needs to be out in the open. If you haven't talked with your partner about your frustration and anxiety, then you are seeing this as only a problem you can solve alone. As Vanessa Marin, a licensed sex therapist states, "To begin with, tell your partner that you want to try lasting longer, and ask your partner if they're interested in that." If they are, then the conversation may continue to what you may both do to remedy the situation. If they are not interested, then you may need to consider moving on to a partner who is more empathetic to your issue.

    Use Condoms

    Condoms might be helpful if your penile nerves are overly sensitive. A condom can dull that sensitivity somewhat. And there are stronger desensitizing condoms for sale now. they're worth a try, that's for sure, and you just might last longer in bed. There are also desensitizing creams that can be applied directly to the penis which can help reduce those intense sensations that make it difficult to last.

    Masturbate Prior to Sex With a Partner

    This will take some trial and error if you're going to get it right. This method means you will masturbate before having sex, just how much earlier is the trial-and-error part. If you masturbate right before sex, you will probably have a tough time getting it up again that soon. On the other hand, if you do it in the morning and have sex that night, too much time may have elapsed, and you will not be slowed down at all.

    If you have a date and are anticipating sex, begin by masturbating maybe four hours beforehand and see how it goes. Eventually, you'll find the right timing before you resume sexual activity and be able to prolong pleasure for both you and your partner.

    This is also a good way to get to know your body. For example, you can learn how much pressure and speed applied to your penis will make you ejaculate quickly. More importantly, you can learn to pace yourself to last longer in bed. You might try experimenting with edging. This is when you bring yourself close to orgasm and then stop. Wait a few minutes before starting again.

    Try to Decrease Your Refractory Period

    The refractory period is the time between orgasm and your ability to have sex again. You can learn to shorten yours, and there are some benefits to doing that. Do you know how quickly came during that first round of sex? If you can make the second round of sex happen sooner than later, you may last longer. You might also be able to satisfy your partner if you can start again as quickly as possible.

    Distract Your Thoughts

    This is probably not the best way to delay orgasm, but it's worth a try. Basically, while you are in the act of direct penetration, deliberately force yourself to think of something totally unrelated - a project you are working on, errands you need to run, etc. This is a kind of self-induced behavioral therapy that just might keep you from too much stimulation and early orgasm. The downside, of course, is that it also keeps you from the full intimacy that goes along with amazing sexual activities.

    Try More Oral Sex as Foreplay

    If you are orgasming too soon for your partner, then maybe helping that partner come sooner will work. If your partner has a vagina, use clitoral stimulation techniques with your tongue. Lick or lightly bite her nipples, etc. If your partner is has a penis, try blow job foreplay or licking/sucking other erogenous areas. When they are well stimulated, and then penetrate. It's quite possible that you will both reach orgasm, and you might even have a stronger orgasm to blood flow to your penis has already occurred because of that oral sex play.

    Stop and Take a Deep Breath

    Your penis is happily going in and out, and with each thrust, you are coming closer and closer to that orgasm. Force yourself to stop and take a nice deep breath. This can disrupt your sexual energy for just a moment and may just delay that orgasm you were about to have. Try it - it might just work for you.

    Pause and Squeeze Technique

    You may need to let your partner in on this one, because they may be wondering what the hell you are doing. So just explain the squeeze technique in advance. Here's how it works:

    • You are moving along and feel ready to ejaculate
    • You pull your penis out and squeeze its tip until you feel the pending ejaculation subside
    • You go back in and continue
    • You may need to do this a few times before you finally do ejaculate, but it will certainly prolong the sex.

    Now, here's the downside. When you pull out, you may disrupt your partner's progress too, and, while you may have delayed ejaculation, it may end up taking them longer to reach climax too. The other issue is your ability to have the self-control to actually do this - it's not easy.

    Pelvic Floor Muscle Rehabilitation

    While this term smacks of the need for a physical therapist, don't make an appointment with one. You can do this on your own. You have pelvic floor muscles that may have become lazy and need some work, no matter how sexually active you may be.

    According to the Mayo Clinic, strengthening the pelvic floor muscles will often help treat premature ejaculation. You may not have heard of these muscles before, but they are behind your scrotum and prostate. You can feel them, though. When you go to pee, try to stop yourself in the middle. You will feel the muscles contracting as you do this.

    Pelvic floor exercises will strengthen these muscles, lie flat on your back or sit on the floor. Now, work those muscles, tightening them for 3 seconds and then resting for 3 seconds. just like you did when you stopped your pee. Experts at Mayo recommend doing 10 of these three times a day for several days and see if that helps. If so, continue to do these on a regular basis. Kegel exercises may also help.

    Yoga May Help

    Yoga has lots of healing results including contributing to sexual health. It does work to regulate hormones which can impact erectile issues. And there is a study showing that the mindfulness, deep breathing, and relaxation techniques that are developed through regular Yoga practice do help.

    If you choose to try this method, you have to remember that this is not a short-term solution. You have to be very regular in your practice of Yoga and don't expect any real results until you have been on this for at least 30 days.

    How About Sexual Medicine?

    OK. Here's the thing. There are some medical solutions that also might work, most of which are only available through your doctor.

    Don't be Anxious About Talking to Your Healthcare Provider

    Men who struggle with premature ejaculation tend to have a sense of shame or embarrassment. This can keep them from talking about it. Please try to overcome this and speak to your doctor if you try behavior modification, kegel exercises, and other at-home methods. This problem could be caused by something more serious like high blood pressure.

    Remember that your doctor has access to knowledge like peer reviewed studies that may not be available to you. They can also refer you to a specialist if you need additional therapies such as pelvic muscle floor rehabilitation.

    Numbing Creams and Sprays

    These creams and sprays contain the same types of ingredients that doctors use as injections during minor surgical procedures - prilocaine and lidocaine. What they do to the penis is decrease sensitivity.

    Now here is the important thing to remember about using these. You should apply them about 30 minutes before you have sex and, once you feel numb, should be thoroughly and completely washed off. After all, you don't want your partner to go numb, do you? And it's only fair to tell your partner that you are using it, in case they are allergic to these ingredients.

    Ask Your Healthcare Provider About Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors

    SSRIs are used for a variety of medical/mental health conditions. Basically, they serve to allow more serotonin to be produced in the brain. It is used primarily as a mood stabilizer, but some studies indicate that it can also help with premature ejaculation. At this point, the verdict is out on its effectiveness, and it is often used with other behavioral methods in treating premature ejaculation.

    Get With a Sex Therapist

    Overall sexual health can be impacted by any number of mental health conditions, and those can include premature ejaculation. If you have tried other solutions without much success, you might want to see a sex therapist - someone who may help you get to the bottom of some mental causes of premature ejaculation and recommend behavioral changes you can make that will improve penetrative sex for you. There are lots of sex therapists who deal with this issue - find one online or close to you.

    Lots of Possible Solutions for Premature Ejaculation

    Premature ejaculation can have a negative impact on your relationship with any partner(s). If you leave partners unsatisfied, they will be just as frustrated as you are with your sexual performance. You owe it to yourself and to any partner to do whatever it may take to solve the problem.

    In this article, you have been given lots of possible solutions for your premature ejaculation. Some involve some simple sexual techniques; some are more complex and require regular work on your part. There are also solutions through your healthcare provider and even sex therapists.

    Don't let premature ejaculation harm your sex life and your relationships. Find a solution - they're out there.

    Premature ejaculation is frustrating for you and your partners. If you are ready to fix this, here are a number of solutions that you should try. You've got nothing to lose.


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