How To Get Over Someone You Never Dated

Published 28.04.2022
12 min read
Taimi

Even if you never were in a relationship with someone, figuring out how to get over someone you never dated can be very challenging. When you have strong feelings for someone, you imagine forming a bond with them and you might not have had the chance to actually share these feelings with anyone.

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This can make it especially difficult to overcome this person and sometimes it can even be worse than dealing with a break-up. If you have found yourself in this situation, here are some ways to help you deal with your own emotions and get over that someone you never dated.

Why is it Difficult to Get Over Someone You Never Dated?

There are many reasons why you might find it so hard to get over someone you never dated. First and foremost, you might have been into them for a really long time, loved their personality and appearance, only to find out they would probably never be romantically interested in you.

Another possibility is that they kept giving you mixed signals without realizing it, and ended up leading you on without them being interested. Regardless of the situation, it can make you fall and stay in love, even though you know they might never return your feelings.

While you might want to try and make the first step, you might also know deep down that you are holding hope for something that won't happen. The reality of this can be very difficult to overcome and letting go of your feelings for someone you cared about can be very hard, even if you were never romantically involved.

Are You in Love With The Person or What You Imagined Them to Be?

Along with the previous points, it is important that you think through the reason why you are attracted to this person in the first place, despite the unrequited feelings. This might be especially hard but you really need to be honest with yourself, as with everything else in your own life.

Did you fall in love with the person or did you create an imaginary personality based on the few things you know about them? If the person was someone you didn't know too well, you might have created certain scenarios in your head that made them all that more likable to you.

Maybe you even fell for them because they seemed so unavailable and different. Being around them might have boosted your self-esteem and made you feel like a relationship with them would be amazing.

This is oftentimes not the person they truly are though and you might have greatly romanticized them in your head. Unless you know that person well, the things you have imagined them to be are probably not real.

A person usually acts a lot differently as a friend and as a partner in a romantic relationship. We tend to see the good in people and don't easily understand that being in a relationship changes people drastically, especially when it comes to long-term relationships.

While this is something most people do, you need to come to terms with reality and realize that this is a part of moving forward. You are still allowed to grieve your feelings for this person and eventually, you will be able to find someone who has all the qualities you dream of.

Ways to Overcome This Heartbreak

After you have figured out a few reasons why you fell for this person, it is time to see how you can start getting over them. This might not be an actual break up but you will still feel sad and upset just like you would over a real relationship.

Every person will differ when it comes to overcoming heartbreak. Some might be able to deal with their emotions faster than others and there is no reason for you to set a time limit on yourself.

Remember that each heart heals differently and you don't need to force yourself to drown certain emotions just because you don't enjoy feeling them. Grief and heartbreak are part of everyone's lives and the best way to get rid of them is to allow ourselves to feel them.

That being said, here are some ideas and tips on how you can start overcoming your feelings for this person, even though you never actually dated them.

Stop Communicating With That Person

If you want to get over this person quickly, and you know there is no way of you being around them and not continuing to develop feelings, you need to stay away.

The less you communicate with them, the easier it will be for you not to think about them. And yes, this includes staying off of their social media! You need to act as if they are not all that important. The less you care about where they are and what they do, the easier it will be to focus on yourself.

This might be a little tricky to do if you were friends previously but never officially dated. If you feel like you don't want to continue this relationship with them at all in order to overcome your feelings then you should probably start distancing yourself gradually until eventually, you cut ties.

For some people, it might be easy to continue having a friendly relationship with someone they had feelings for. If it is not easy for you, you don't need to explain or try and make sense of why. It is not always easy and you need to put yourself first, especially if staying friends with them gives you hope of something romantic happening between you.

Consider Admitting Your Feelings to Them

On the other hand, if you believe it will make you feel better, you might want to consider letting them know how you feel about them. This will lift a huge burden off your shoulders and you will feel much better afterward.

You should make sure that you approach the topic in a way that won't make them feel uncomfortable, especially if you know in advance that they don't feel the same way. You need to make a point that you don't expect anything from them but you need to let this off your chest.

"Take a risk IRL and ask this person out on a date," Stef Safran, dating expert

If you wish to continue having this person in your life in the future, you want to be honest with them. If you keep it a secret, it is much more likely that your affection for them won't disappear. This can cause friction in the relationship between you and drive you apart in the future.

Sadly, this is an option not everyone will be able to consider, as situations vary. It can help you feel better, see if they might reciprocate your feelings, or help you keep that person as a good friend. You should choose the relationships you wish to keep in your life and if this causes you too much anxiety maybe it is not the best option to choose.

Think About The Qualities You Want in a Partner

One of the ways you can start overcoming someone you never dated is by focusing on yourself. When thinking about the qualities you would like to see in a partner, you don't have to think about everything this previous person lacked.

Instead, you can focus on working on obtaining these qualities for yourself, so you can be all you need until someone special comes along. This is a very positive way to look at it, and you can easily do this by putting together a list. There you can add qualities such as:

  • They should put me and our relationship first

  • They should be romantic

  • They should remember birthdays and anniversaries

  • They should be expressing their emotions clearly to me

These are just some examples that you might seek in a partner and you can easily implement them yourself. You can start slow by setting a few goals which can help you take care of yourself more and put yourself first on many occasions.

For example, you can celebrate your birthday or other important events and make yourself the most important person for you. Get yourself some flowers and be open and honest about how you feel and how you would like your life to be shaped.

When you become the person you want to date, not only will you be truly happy being independent, but you will also see that feeling sad over that one person isn't worth it. The time will come when you will find the person that will be how you imagine them and give you the relationship you dream of.

Talk About Your Feelings to a Close Friend

One of the things that will definitely help you feel better is talking about your feelings to a close friend. It is extremely important that you don't close yourself off and avoid talking about how you feel.

Your best friend or a family member you are close with is always there to listen to you and help you overcome your own affection for them. The point is to get you to talk and to stop thinking about everything without sharing your thoughts.

You can share all your what-ifs and hopes of what this relationship could have been. You can talk about that one guy or one girl that broke your heart by not showing you the same love. You can cry together and laugh together, and it will feel so good to have someone who cares about you by your side.

Another thing you should keep in mind is that you shouldn't be worried about what the people you confide in will think. You might be worried that they will think that the fact you fell so hard for someone you never dated is silly, but you should not invalidate your feelings like that.

In most cases, if they truly care about you, they will just sympathize with you and try to understand you and help you overcome this. Don't let this be a reason why you keep everything to yourself. It will only make you feel more upset in the long run.

It doesn't matter if you say a lot or not. What is important is starting to open up about this and sharing your problems with someone else who cares. Sometimes, all it takes is speaking those few words that make this situation real. This can help make everything a lot easier to deal with as it will not be only in your head anymore.

Letting your emotions be shared with someone else will feel so much better. Even if the only thing the other person does is listen, it will help you tremendously. Sometimes, we just need to hear our thoughts out loud in order to make more sense of them. This is the best medicine when it comes to overcoming anything difficult in your life.

Spend Time Doing Things You Love

Spending time doing things you love is the best way to stay busy and keep your mind off that person. Just because you never dated, it doesn't mean you won't be affected emotionally or view this as a loss.

The very first thing you can do is spend more time with your friends and get outside the house. Call your friends and arrange movie and dinner dates. Staying in won't help you to stop obsessing over social media and your friends can help you talk about it and focus on other relationships and fun activities with them.

Going out more is oftentimes the first step that can help you start feeling better and finding reasons to enjoy life without thinking about that person. In addition, you can also go on walks and runs by yourself. It can boost your mood and make you feel happier and more confident.

Make sure you put time into your skincare, put some makeup on if that's something you enjoy doing, or get yourself a new outfit. Self-care and self-love are important when overcoming someone you had feelings for in a healthy way.

Focusing on your own self-improvement will keep your mind busy in a productive and self-loving way. This will boost your self-esteem in a very positive way and help you forget all about unrequited feelings and most importantly allow you to form a healthy relationship with yourself.

Start Dating Again Once You Feel Comfortable

On the one hand, starting to date other people again can be a great way for you to get your mind off of that one person. Going on dates can help you get out more and meet new interesting people and spend your time in a fun way.

Online dating can be fun and it can be interesting to put together your online dating profile and chat with many people. Even if you decide to keep everything strictly online, you should remember to set certain boundaries while your heart is healing.

At the same time though, jumping into a new relationship while you still have feelings for someone else is not a good idea. Even though you might like the new person a lot, it is a high possibility that your emotions for the previous person will come up again.

This can end in heartbreak for both parties and you will end up being even more confused. Therefore, consider going on a few dates where you share your intentions from the start and only jump into a new relationship after you have sorted your feelings for the previous person.

Knowing When to Seek The Help of a Professional

Last but not least, you should keep in mind that not everything will be easy to overcome by yourself. If you see that you are struggling with your mental health, it might be a good idea to seek professional health from someone who will be able to offer you some professional advice.

There is nothing wrong with looking for professional help from a qualified mental health professional. There, you are able to talk freely about everything that is on your mind and improve your mental health easily, while focusing on yourself.

There is only so much that your friends can do when you open up your heart to them and while this might be a form of immediate help, it might not help your mental health in the long run.

Therapy can teach you a lot about prioritizing yourself, dealing with trauma and heartbreak in a more healthy and positive way, and finding ways to cope with your emotions.

There is nothing more effective than informed professional advice from a relationship expert when it comes to overcoming your own feelings and other emotional difficulties and asking for help when you need it.

Not Every Situation is Meant to Turn Into Love

Making your peace with this is very important when trying to overcome your feelings for someone. Even if you never dated, you should not dismiss your feelings or the process of overcoming them. The reality is that sometimes we get attached, even if there is no relationship.

Focus on reminding yourself of your self-worth and becoming the best version of yourself for yourself. Relationships will come and go but the only relationship you should never lose is the one you have with yourself.


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