While all of these positive feelings start to develop, you keep thinking to yourself, "Am I actually in love?" If you can relate to this, then this is the perfect opportunity to dive deeper into this topic. Here are some important facts about falling in love and how romantic love can move faster or slower for some people.
There is No Competition When Falling in Love
The very first thing you should keep in mind when it comes to love is that falling for someone is not a competition. In other words, it doesn't matter how long it takes for you to develop feelings for someone.
That being said, the same should apply to the other person's feelings as well. Just because you fell for them quickly, doesn't mean that you should expect them to be as quick to fall in love with you too.
Falling in love can take time for some people. They might genuinely care about you and want to go on dates with you and spend time with you. Being understanding and giving each person enough time can be crucial to forming trust and love in your relationship.
What do Researchers Have to Say About This?
That being said, researchers always are willing to try and debunk such statements and help give people a different perspective on things. A 2011 study on commitment in romantic relationships from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology had quite a few things to say about how this is communicated.
Based on the results of that study, men believe that confessing their love to a new partner can be considered normal as early as one month into the relationship. Along with that, men think about confessing their love at around 97 days, or about three months into a new relationship on average.
On the other hand, most women answered that expressing their love verbally into a new relationship should happen around six months into the relationship. Most women though, start thinking about confessing their love around 149 days into the relationship.
This is a great example of how, even though both parties might be considering, each person will act differently. There are situations where you will want to wait up to those six months to confess your love. In other cases, you are ready to say "I Love You" within just a few weeks.
Just because research shows a more collective way of how people think, it doesn't mean that all people wait or that men fall faster than women. There is no one answer to this and factors such as instant attraction and emotional attachment can strongly affect the rate at which someone falls in love.
Is Love at First Sight Real?
"There can be a strong attraction at first sight, but romantic love for someone requires knowing who they are, the fullness of their character." Lauren Fogel Mersy, Sex Therapist, PsyD
A lot of people feel like falling in love, at first sight, is similar to romantic love but in reality, there are a few differences between the two. The first thing science has to say about this is that it is probably not love, but rather physical attraction at first sight.
In order to call these emotions love, the average person will have to spend some time with a partner, get to know at least a few things about them before they know they're in love.
The things that make you feel in love, at first sight, are an attraction to someone's appearance and characteristics that have nothing to do with their personality or emotional availability.
For example, you might find certain women physically attractive and this can create a lot of excitement which can on average can be similar to falling for someone, but it is not always the same.
From all of these women you are attracted to, one a few, if not only one will be the one which will intrigue you with her character and charm. Therefore, you might be attracted to a lot of people due to their physical characteristics, but this is very different than actually falling for them
How Trauma From Past Relationships Can Affect Finding Love
One thing that truly can impact the way someone falls in love is trauma and bad experiences they have faced with previous partners. When someone had opened their heart to an ex abusive partner, the situation they had to get out of can cause them to be cautious with new partners.
While these people might feel in love and happy, they might not feel comfortable with showing that they are in love, in fear of getting their hearts broken again. This is something that can truly degrade their mental health and make them scared to love.
This is especially when being patient and helping them feel safe without pressuring them into anything. Actions speak louder than words and there are many different things you can do to help them feel comfortable to express themselves.
Is it True That You Can't Hurry Love?
Over the years, you might have seen a lot of different things claiming to help you make someone fall in love with you faster. These are aimless ads and campaigns which pray on hopeless romantics and people in love with someone who is either not interested or emotionally unavailable.
This idea started becoming a trend around 1997 when a study from psychologist Arthur Aron claimed to have found the shortcut to love. That being said, the study only spoke about closeness and not a single time was love mentioned anywhere.
Following that, there have been many other studies and psychologists who have claimed to offer a way to make others fall in love faster. A very popular trend that is still around to this day is the 36 questions to fall in love faster, which claim to help fall in love with anyone.
In other words, there is no shortcut that will make someone fall in love with you faster but you can always play around with quizzes and fun questionnaires. At the very least, they can help you get to know the other person better and lead to some fun moments together.
Sometimes love happens fast and other times it takes its time. The point is to enjoy every moment with the people you choose to allow into your life and love will find you eventually.
Shelley Sommerfeldt a relationship coach, and Clinical Psychologist has to say the following about why people want to know how quickly one falls in love:
"They may want to compare their feelings, reactions, and experiences with others to ensure they are on a typical progression"
That being said, it shows that most people don't actually want to find a way to rush love faster. It is just a normal human reaction to want to know if we're doing everything at a normal pace.
