Healing After Being Fooled by Someone You Love

Last Updated 12.02.2023
13 min read

One of the most painful things that anyone can go through is finding out that someone they cared so deeply about actually never loved them back. That every single intimate moment that they shared with each other was nothing to them, despite being everything to the person who was fooled.

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Being fooled by someone you love, is quite possibly one of the most damaging things any person can go through.

It can lead to them having a lack of trust in anyone. Or they may even grow fearful or even resentful of the idea of going into another relationship. While being fooled by anyone you are in love with is always going to be painful there is a process of healing that needs to be established.

We are here to talk about ways you can tell, what steps you should take, and ultimately how you can heal when the person lying is the wise man and you are nothing more than a fool.

Ways to Tell You Are Being Fooled

While being fooled by someone you love can look different depending on the situation there are some common occurrences that tend to happen for most people in this situation. After all, being fooled isn't as simple as a person wanting a boyfriend or girlfriend just to say they have one.

Sometimes it's wanting a sex friend without actually stating they want a sex friend. They only want to be with you because you may bring in a decent amount of money, or status. Or they only want you for your looks and not for your love.

Of course, these are just a few examples of why a person may get into a relationship with someone despite not loving them and it can be hard to separate this when you are already in a relationship. Here are a few more concrete ways for a person to realize if they are being fooled or not.

They Blame You For Everything That Goes Wrong

This is probably the most common occurrence but it is very telling. Getting the blame for any negative thing should be a major red flag, however when it's someone you love it can be hard to spot it. Take the time and ask yourself if you are in a situation like this.

A situation where no matter what happens, or how it happens it is somehow your fault. They sleep in and miss an appointment. You're at fault for not waking them up.

Did they mess up an incredibly important speech? It's your fault for not being there to support them. The pizza delivery man is 15 minutes late with your order? You seem to get the blame somehow always.

There Seems to be Some Emotional Distance

They may say "I Love You" but more often than not their actions don't seem to match those words. In private they may seem to keep a physical distance from you or even outright refuse to show you affection from time to time.

Yet in the public eye they may seem to only do the bare minimum to create an illusion that can fool others and at times fool you as well.

Love Bombing

There may have been a point where you have started to realize that what you had wasn't real. But then they suddenly start showering you with affection, and thus will ultimately make you change your mind before the pattern of behaviors begins to rise up again.

This particular action is known as love bombing and it is a way for the other person to keep the relationship going. It is meant to be used as a gaslighting tactic to make you believe that you are overthinking things and that you simply had a dry spell in your relationship.

They Only Want to Spend Time With You For Sex

You're listed as an official couple and yet you never go out publicly with each other. You always try and they always seem to try but something always happens and you both end up just hanging out at each other's houses and potentially having sex.

You suggest meeting each other's families, but the plans suddenly get canceled for some strange reason. You want to go to a restaurant, but the reservations fell through. If it seems like the universe only wants the two of you to spend time with each other for sex it might not be the universe itself.

If it only happened once or twice, that is a coincidence. However, if there is a consistent pattern then you may have to step back and view the situation as a whole.

What To Do If You Are Being Fooled By Someone You Love

Address your situation

Being fooled by someone you love can have a drastic effect on your mental health and can sometimes make it difficult for you to assess your situation clearly. After all, when you are fooled by someone it can hurt to admit all that has happened to you.

Take the time to examine the relationship you had with what you thought was a romantic partner. This can be hard but it is important for you to fully address to yourself and those around you that this is what you are going through and it is wrong.

Gather proof

When you confront a situation like this it can be hard to sort out the red flags, and it can often be difficult for you to convince yourself that you were being fooled. After all, this wasn't just a random person who put you through this whirlwind of emotions.

When it comes to being fooled by someone you love, whether it be a family member or a romantic partner, you need to gather all the evidence that you can provide so that you won't find yourself believing their lies anymore.

Being fooled by someone you love can often be a scary thought or idea. You may find yourself, as well as other friends and family members unable to actually separate the lies from the truth. But always remember that this is in your best interest.

Make Sure You Have a Safe Place

Whether or not you plan to confront your partner about their lying or making you feel like a fool. It is always best to ensure that you have a safe place to go. Whether that be with a family member, a friend, a loved one, or even just a hotel to stay in while you figure things out.

The most important thing is ensuring your safety, and allowing yourself to be able to lay low while you process everything that has been happening.

Make Sure You Have a Safe Person

Being fooled by someone you love can quite honestly be one of the most emotionally painful events that anyone can find themselves in. You may feel like your self-worth is down the drain, and your gut instinct may conflict with the lingering emotions in your heart and mind.

A really scary thing that is more common than you may believe. Is that you may even feel like your life is over. Or not worth going on. These types of thoughts are terrifying for a number of reasons and these thoughts alone are a good enough reason to have someone safe rather than someone.

These are just a few of the reasons why it's just as important to have a safe person during this time as it is to have a safe place. Whether it be a friend, a previous partner who you feel safe with, or even a family member. You are going to be dealt with a lot of emotional turmoil and it's best that you have your loved ones there for you.

10 Steps To Recover If You’re Being Fooled By Someone You Love

Move on with your life and learn how to trust again

Being fooled by someone you love can leave a lasting impact on your life, and it can be hard to get rid of the gut feeling afterward that everyone is out to trick you after you felt fooled when someone you love lies.

Rather than wallow in self-pity or only focus on the potential red flags in a relationship, accept that what happened did in fact happen and use that to be more proactive in your future relationships. Make some new friends, find a new partner, and don't let be fooled by someone you love to keep you from actually finding someone you love and who returns the feelings.

Don't pressure yourself to heal quickly

Being fooled by someone, especially someone you love is actually a very common occurrence and many will understand the hurt and the strain it could put on you and your relationships.

A loved one made you out to be a fool, and the truth of it is that it can take a long time for you to heal. In fact, you may never completely heal. Just take your time, try talking with a friend or a professional and allow yourself to take some time.

Let them deal with the consequences

When you are fooled by someone or someone you love makes a fool out of you your only job is to focus on yourself and your healing. After all, they are the ones who decided to lie. If they find themselves dealing with some form of backlash, losing friends, or missing out on opportunities because of how they hurt you, that is something for them to deal with.

Once the truth is revealed they need to accept the consequences of their lying and the potential of their world being turned upside down. They were supposed to be your partner, a person you could hope to trust. Their hurt can only be a fraction of what you are feeling. Any fallout they receive is the natural consequence of their lying.

Don't let them back in your life

Being fooled by someone you love will always hurt, but you can still step away and still not be the fool. It is just important that you do what you can to ensure your own mental wellness and healing by not allowing them back into your life.

Put up your walls, get off of social media, and follow the gut instincts that tell you to not go certain places. Do what you can to not only put an emotional distance between yourself and your previous partner. Sometimes when someone you love lies to you, uses you, or makes you out to be a fool it can feel like the world is against you.

This can make it very easy for them to push their way back into your life. Just remember that if you ever consider it that you will be setting yourself up again. That you will be subject to lying, having to confront the situation again, and of course that terrible feeling of despair and lack of hope afterward. It's not worth it.

Get Support From a Friend or Family Member

After being fooled by someone you love, your gut instinct may tell you that you can't trust anyone and that you have to handle this on your own. This cannot be any further from the truth. When you find that someone you love lies to you, this does not mean that you don't have other loved ones who want you to be alone.

In fact, it's very possible that they all understand what you are feeling, and have possibly gone through something similar. Talking to them can help you sort out your feelings and let you know that it's ok to feel the way you do. Having a good support system is quite possibly the most important thing when going through something like this.

Trust yourself

You are not crazy, you are not lying to yourself, and you are not talking nonsense. It may seem strange but it is very possible that you have a myriad of negative thoughts and ideas that may equate to the phrase "I'm just overreacting".

This type of internalized gas lighting can be incredibly damaging to your healing process. You are not crazy, you are not overreacting. You are experiencing a very painful situation that can be hard to come to terms with. It is for your own good that you do not lie to yourself or make yourself out to be a bad person while you heal.

Speak Your Mind

Being fooled by someone, especially a person you cared for so deeply can often feel unreal. It can feel like a bad dream and you may even convince yourself or end up second-guessing any thoughts you have.

Speaking your mind at all times during this period will help you to re-establish your point in the world and make you more sure of yourself and your thoughts.

Relearn Your Self-Worth

Whenever you are fooled by someone that you once loved, it can seriously mess with your ideals and make you second guess your own worthiness. Take time for yourself and relearn to love yourself.

Take the time to chat with your others, spend time with friends, and essentially relearn to live without them. You are deserving of love. Who knows, perhaps while learning to love yourself again, you may find a better someone you love.

Let Yourself Grieve

While they are not dead you still essentially have to grieve the loss of a loved one. After all, being fooled by someone you love and coming to terms with it does not simply mean that you stopped loving them.

However, you do need to put a distance between yourself and that can hurt. Let yourself feel your pain. Scream, cry, and allow yourself to go through the entire grieving process. Just because they did something terrible does not mean you have to suddenly stop loving them.

Forgive Them

This is the absolute last step you should take and it should be done for yourself and on your time alone. Being fooled by someone you love can be one of the most emotionally damaging experiences anyone can go through. It can take a long time for you to process your feelings and return to your usual self again.

When you are ready to say "I forgive them. That is the ultimate sign that the healing process is complete. However, that does not mean you must reconnect with that person, or even communicate your forgiveness to them directly. Instead, think of it as a process of letting go.

Move on When You Are Ready

Moving on looks a bit different for every person. For some, it means focusing on their friends or careers. Eventually, you will probably feel ready to start dating people who are compatible with you. Take your time during this process. These wounds can take time to heal.

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